


KIHYUNA || KiHo Fanfiction

by Kihoanya



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Acting, Attempted Murder, Bottom Yoo Kihyun, Bullying, Christmas Fluff, Daydreaming, Depression, Director Hyungwon, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, M/M, Smut, Some Humor, Top Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Violence, Winter, Wonki, cursing, dressed as girl, happy ending dont worry, kiho, kihyun as girl, lying, monsta x - Freeform, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:06:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 44,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22777627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kihoanya/pseuds/Kihoanya
Summary: After rejecting the request many times, Kihyun decided to go with it and got himself in a short film as the female role. However, it didn't go as he thought when it came to his attention that he wasn't allowed to say he's a man, until after filming.[Attention]This story might contain sensitive subjects. Do not take anything too seriously, by no means am I trying to offend anyone.
Relationships: Lee Hoseok | Wonho/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	KIHYUNA || KiHo Fanfiction

**~~~~~~~~~~~**

On a chilly winter morning in Milae Cafe.

"I'm not going to do it." Kihyun said once again as he walks in with his director friend Hyungwon right behind him.

"It's only for a couple of days." Hyungwon tries again.

"Well 'A couple of days' is way too fucking long."

"Wow wow okay chill-" he checks his surroundings. The cafe wasn't so crowded at this time around.

"Yeah well you can't make me dress as a woman for days, you know how embarrassing that is??" Kihyun got a little annoyed by now, pushing his hands in his pockets while he scans the menu high up.

"But look, it's for the short film, it's not like you're doing it for no reason at all. It's really important to us."

Kihyun shuts his eyes. "Oh my God.. Can you just?-"

"Kihyun, please!?"

Hyungwon had been been on a mission to find the perfect actress, or let's say, any actress at this point. All the people he knew either rejected him or were just occupied with plans.

"Do I have to dress up, like, completely?" Kihyun looks over, corner of his lip pulling up, unamused.

"Is that a yes?!" Hyungwon grew a smile.

"I'm only wondering, I don't want to say yes and end up wearing a thong for a scene."

"No no no! No thongs," Hwungwon waves his hands. "You know I don't make those films.. Listen, let's go sit and I'll explain you all the details okay? Promise me you're not going to waste my time though, I-, I really need someone to play the main role, and the others need confirmation so we know what our next step is going to be."

"Yeah yeah yeah, okay. I guess."

The two went to go find a table in Milae Cafe, a waiter comes up and they ordered a drink from where they're seated. While they wait for it to arrive Hyungwon brought out his black leathery business folder with all the info while the other adjusted himself in his seat. "Okay so, why me when there are plenty of other woman walking around... Like her." Kihyun said the last part lowly and pointed at a young lady passing by with an iced coffee in her hand.

Hyungwon looks up from his business folder for a brief moment before looking back down, uninterested. He's not going to waste any time observing other potential actresses when he had a good feeling about his friend here. "Whatever I'll be explaining to you, do not take it too personal alright? I'm only doing my job, so.. whenever I see someone and their appearance and/or personality fits the role perfectly, I'll do anything to have them work for me." he explains, Kihyun can tell his Business Mode switched on by the way he talks.

"Right, so I look like a woman. Great." he pressed his lips together looking away.

"No don't get me wrong, you don't... but then again-"

"I do! Whoah.." he cuts him off with a disappointing chuckle. Kihyun might not exactly look like one, but he sure is graceful and could pull off looking like one with only a few changes.

"I found the section," Hyungwon chose not to react to it and began reading the important points. "The short film will be about bullying, it's gonna be around 10 minutes or so, 3 outfit changes, and I don't know, perhaps a kissing scene?"

"Oh I'm not kissing anyone." Kihyun raised his eyebrows with a shake of his head. Kiss? Is Hyunwon out of his mind? The person has to be irresistible for him to even Think about doing that.

"Here are the other actors, starting with the other main character." Hyungwon shows the glossy sealed picture in the folder.

Perhaps Kihyun froze a little.

"Oh... wait, so I have to work with _him_?" Kihyun stares, tilting his head, and may or may not started daydreaming.

"Yes his name is Lee Hoseok, some inches taller than you which I found perfect, he's 26, build just right, his appearance is ideal for this character, right in between cute and hunky. And uh what else... hey, you there?"

No answer.

"Hello?" Hyungwon called him again. "Are you even listening?"

"Huh?" Kihyun blinks up. "Yeah." he gave his throat a quick clear when he went all smiles and focuses back on what his friend was saying.

"Anyway, uhm, back to you. We only need your clothing and shoe size, we also already have an expensive wig ready. Oh and we did some editing to see how you might look since I haven't really seen you with a wig." He shows a couple of photos. Hyungwon wasn't playing around.

_(Credits: JIAN_NNN on twitter)_

"Oh my..." Kihyun covers his mouth. Low-key cringing although he looked gorgeous. "Wait where did you even get my picture, I don't remember pulling that face..."

"I'll even hire someone who can teach you to some basics," the director skips his question. Not that important. "You know uh, how to walk, sit, move more feminine, oh and talk."

" _More_ feminine?" Kihyun squints his eyes.

"Sorry, just, feminine." Hyungwon laughs nervously. "So, are you down?"

"How many days is it _really_ Hyungwon?"

"...Minimum is a week," he answers truthfully. "Depends on how well it goes, I can't promise anything."

The waiteress finally arrives with their drinks. A cold Caffè Mocha in a latte glass for Hyungwon, garnished and flavored. And for Kihyun it was a Caffè Latte; A tall, mild 'milk coffee' served in a coffee cup, an espresso with steamed milk and only a little milk foam poured over it. Flavored syrup added.

Back to business.

"Right," Kihyun spoke, he knows his friend, there's more to it. "And for how much?" he pouts his lips towards his cup and took a sip after Hyungwon.

"I pay my actors $125 a day,"

"And me?"

"$125."

"O? ... But there's a wig involved, will it go up?"

"You're inexperienced, Ki. Others won't pay you that amount."

Kihyun's head went empty, he can't find anything else to further discuss about.

"And plus, I'll pay for your lessons." he carefully lands his glass onto the table.

Kihyun gazes down at the open map. "I mean.. the dude _is_ cute.." he too sets his hot cup down, carefully holding onto it to warm his fingers.

"You down?"

You know what? It's business, he gets paid. So what can possibly go wrong? Cry on set because he's feeling cold in his skirt? Psh, he can get used to that.

"Fine... I'll do it." He came to the decision. "Ahh I'm already nervous~"

Hyungwon pulls a wide smile. He succeeded in having an actress, And his Mocha tasted delicious, so he couldn't be happier. "Make sure to do your best okay? You're my friend and this would be a fun opportunity for both of us. You'll be starting lessons tomorrow because we have to finish by the end of the month."

Kihyun froze with his lips before the rim of his cup. "Tomorrow?"

"Yes! Drink up so I can make an appointment with the rest." Hyungwon took a few big gulps of his own drink and snatches his phone from the table to dial a number.

"Yes hello? Hey how are you? Yeah I'm doing great. Can we meet tonight at 7? Aha, okay perfect, yes call them all in and bring folder number 12a and 12b. 'Kay bye." And hung up.

Kihyun blinks watching him who suddenly changed his speed. "Do I have to be there?" he wonders.

Hyungwon had finished his drink and clears his throat. "Oh no, tomorrow is something else while you're taking classes. Can you sign here for me? Just proof that you agree with acting in this film etc, nothing too fancy."

"S-sure okay.. When will I meet the actors?" Kihyun barely read the papers and placed his signature while Hyungwon collects his stuff.

"The first day of shooting." He informs casually. "I want your reactions to be as realistic as possible. I will send you the script so you can study it. Oh can you pay for the drinks this time? I really have to get going, thanks!"

"W-what?"

\----

"Oh my, you're so stiff," The elderly instructress notices the boy's awkwardness. Those long few days of training... weren't effective enough?

"Well, yeah..." Kihyun looks at his reflection in the mirror of the practice room. Although it was still so unpleasant to do all this, for the first time in forever he didn't want to look like the man he is.

"Let's go back to practicing some hand movements." She then said and plays ballet videos on the laptop she brought.

This part so silly, Kihyun thought, still he tries brushing those negative opinions aside. He needed to take these lessons more serious, he'll receive a good payment out of it so he wants to do a good job.

"When you use your hands, relax them, they need to be gentle, do not overthink it too much and just relax. Think more _suave_." She demonstrates while the boy shows effort by following her movements, putting more interest in it, today feeling more confident.

"You're getting there." She smiles that automatically excites the boy.

She slows her actions to walk a few steps away for him to approach her; he needs to learn how to walk, waving him over. "As feminine as you can, remember, nice and decent. Not exaggeratedly sexy. Well, if you want to you can, but-" she snorts a bit. It's good that she was kind and humorous, makes this whole class more bearable.

"Oh gosh..." his seed of anxiety sprouted.

"Don't overthink it, just walk over."

Kihyun took a deep breath, fixed his posture a bit, and took his first steps.

"Incorrect." She froze him at his 3rd step, having him walks back to his previous mark. The class continues with her explaining important points for him to remember. That when he walks, not to focus on the shoulder area but more on his hips. His first (complete) attempt was a fail and as stiff as a plank, his second was almost the same but the 3rd has gotten more loose. She walks besides him and they wander around the training room as if they were just having a walk in the park. Fixing mistakes at each gentle step and had fun when he was figuring out how he needed to perfect it.

It was his own, but smoothed down to elegance.

"Now, we add a wig,"

"My favorite part."

"You must get used to having long hair hanging over your shoulders and how to handle those locks." The instructress reveals the dark brown wig out of its bag and placed it on his head like a mop, blending his bangs with the other to have it look way better in the end. "I constantly see some men flip their wigs so stiffly. Show me how you would fix yours. Without hands."

"Without hands?"

"For now yes, we'll switch it up later."

"Ah.. uh." And as expected Kihyun flips those locks behind his shoulder with a stiff neck.

"Don't use your whole upper body, tilt your head a little, and sway back, keeping your torso up and straight. It's like looking down what's on your shoulder for only a split second." She giggles when he looked ridicules.

My goodness, the frustration. However with some guiding and techniques he understood it once again.

"There we go, you're not that much of a slow learner after all."

"Heh,," he blushes delicately, "I'm doing my best.." and fixes his bangs a bit.

"Now we add heels."

"Heels??" his eyes go wide. "Hyungwon didn't mention anything about heels?"

All he wanted was to get to know the guy. Just that.

"Oh no it's just for training, I don't believe you need heels for acting." She explains that calms the other almost instantly and brought out the pair of short heels. He took them, hesitantly wore them and tries to stand up straight as if he was too high up from the ground.

"Close your legs honey, remember what we learned. Knees together and toes forward at all costs. Today on heels, legs has to be straight and elegant, remember that your focus is not in your shoulders as they are not in charge, we don't want to sway like a sinking ship today, focus is in your hips."

"That's a lot." Kihyun wipes his damp forehead.

She as well wore her heels for demonstration while having Kihyun watch standing in his own. Since they were not too high, he could easily walk without having to fear of twisting an ankle or two.

The lessons were a success as he himself was willing to learn the new techniques to look as natural in the film later. The last thing he wanted is to look silly when trying to be serious. He attended the other lessons as well which were to sound more feminine after these first ones finished successfully. In the meantime, he's been studying the script non-stop, making him feel like a brand new person.

He was all set.

\----

It's shooting day.

The makeup artist wipes the punch colored applicator over Kihyun's bottom lip to add a nice sheen, finishing the look off with a few pats of flamingo pink powdered blush, while the hair dresser curls the remaining locks of his passing shoulder length hair. The film set was nearly ready for the actors to make use of.

"Morning, _Kihyuna_ ," Hyungwon walks over calling him by the made up name so of course Kihyun became alert, watching him approach via the mirror with another, arresting looking, figure besides him.

"I'd like you to meet your partner." he introduces the two to each other. "Hoseok, Kihyuna... Kihyuna, Hoseok."

At the timing of the name Kihyun's eyes shifts at both figures; the joke's not over yet? He silently goes with it to greet the new face with a bow and a handshake, "Nice to meet you." his shyness composing a soft voice. This man really is, so much more stunning in person, he could barely look at him. Surprisingly to Hoseok, he himself could, normally it wouldn't be easy to keep eye-contact with a beautiful lady but he found her too gorgeous to look away from. In her cute pastel outfit, rosy cheeks and satiny lips. "It's nice to meet you too, Kihyuna."

"Oh I.. actually-"

"Hate to break it to ya but it's time for us to go on set," Hyungwon cuts their conversation off. "They gave me a signal, you can go ahead of us Hoseok, we'll meet you there in a bit."

"Right, see you then." Hoseok returns his eyes on the new girl, projecting a flushed yet reserved smile first so that he can walk off towards the waiting set with the remaining two watching his figure decrease in size.

" _Ki Hyuna_?" Kihyun brought the name up feeling uninformed. Seeing the undiscussed topic arise.

_(Credits: JIAN_NNN on twitter)_

"Ah, just a jest, we've gotta hurry now, ignore that name bit. Oh and.. don't go change that too or else it would look very unprofessional."

Kihyun jerks his head back. "What in the world?" he was taken aback by this. His first impression was ruined by some weird joke. This will only bring awkwardness for future conversations with the man. Although frustrating, he brushed it off to go on set. Everyone seemed to be in a hurry so he had no time to argue about anything properly.

"Oh and," Hyungwon remembers. "Very important, keep in mind to stay in your role as much as you can okay? It's essential to get deep into character for better outcome since you're still a beginner." He explains that only added concern to Kihyun's confusion. "Okay, I'll try.. you're the director, so you must know what you're talking about."

"Chest up, chin up, remember that you're a woman now." Hyungwon took the script from him and they prepared to be filmed.

"I'm kinda nervous, Won." he stops his tracks.

"Don't be, you're already doing amazing." Hyungwon walks off with the script rolled in his hand.

Kihyun stood in position taking a deep breath, rehearsing his first line in his head.

_"Get ready, ...and action!"_

**[Scene]**

The camera follows Kihyeo's back as she walks in the library, then hard-cut to the sketchbook in her hands she stored her drawings in of artsy coloring not anyone could do. Jock number [1] abruptly pushes her work to the floor, causing her neat papers to crinkle. She was unresponsive but that didn't mean she wasn't hurt. Feeling highly bothered, she bends down to collect her hard work but then another jock steps on one of the papers, pretending to lose balance.

"Wooow! Can you be more careful where you drop your stuff? Psh!" Jock number [2] scoffs and cackles annoyingly, fist bumping with jock number [1] while they walked away.

Harassing Kihyeo whenever they see her; check-mark.

Now when alone sadness started creeping in. Kihyeo tries to place them neatly back into her map and stands up. "I hate this place, I'm never coming back!" she spoke to herself in anger and pouts.

"Hey lovely friend," a voice was heard. She turns with arched eyebrows, worried and still upset. "Ah, it's you." her friend appears behind the shelf of the library, Minsuk. (Minhyuk). Shaving down her anxiety with his kindness.

"Don't say that, you love the library." He said.

"But those two always seem to find me, even though I try to avoid them!" Kihyeo whines. Minsuk walks over and took her map from her, opening it up to help and put them straight. "They're just jealous they can't draw like you," He took in the beauty of her art while he's at it as if it was the first time seeing it. "Oh- who's this?"

Kihyeo looks down in her map and took it back to close it up. "Just a random person." she stutters.

"He looks familiar... isn't that Wonho?" Minsuk guesses.

"I don't know his name..."

"So it is him, how come?"

"Eh, nothing special, I have to go now." she forces a smile to not leave him wrongly.

"You drew his entire face and it's nothing special?" he stops her, chuckling. She doesn't know what to say so she gave the floor the attention.

"It's alright," he lets her be. "You know where to find me." he sends off a friendly smile and went to continue where he left off.

Kihyeo's eyes follow him walking away to look for the book he was previously searching for. Turning to find the exit; for now she was done with this library, she wanted to go home. Without caution she hurried around the corner, bumping into the one and only Wonho. Simultaneously they yelped in surprise and Kihyeo rapidly held onto her map when 3 of her drawings managed to sway down to the floor.

"You know you can't sprint in the library right?" Wonho spoke watching her grab her fallen papers.

"S-sorry, I forgot." her heart pounds from the surprise and nervousness.

"Not really something you should forget."

Kihyeo tucks the fallen lock of hair behind her ear that was decorated with a chic iridescent earring dangling from it, and flips the rest of her length behind to let it rest on her back.

"Did you draw all that?" Wonho notices the art, eyes following her stand up.

"Yes, I did."

"Not bad, true talent."

"Ah... not many people compliment my work, thank you for that."

They study each other for a brief moment that followed a loving smile.

 _"And cut!"_ Hyungwon's voice cracked. _  
_

**[End scene]**

Kihyun visibly relaxed himself.

"Kii, you did amazing! I'm impressed." Hyungwon clapped his hands in excitement, happy to see his friend act exactly the way he envisioned.

"Is this your first time?" Hoseok got curious when seeing how excited Hyungwon became.

_'Oh and, very important, keep in mind to stay in your role as much as you can okay?'_

"Yea," Hyungwon's words appear like a reminder, uncertain if he means even after filming. "I haven't done much acting in my life," he shuts that damned reminder off to continue to chat, voice coming out as soft, natural and timid like before, still not used to looking directly at Hoseok. "But I did such a bad job, I messed up my lines, I don't know if it's because I'm dressed like this.." he chuckles awkwardly and dabs his skin where it felt more damp. He wanted to do it perfectly.

Hoseok tilts his head in slight confusion. "Ah you're more of a pants type." he eyed the outfit. He didn't see anything wrong with it, maybe it was too girly for her liking.

"Yeah, duh." he chuckles.

"Well, like I said in the script, true talent, you did pretty good." he compliments.

"Did I really?"

"Of course, here, you might need it." he hands over a handkerchief and Kihyun gladly took it to dab it behind the curved see-through bangs going inwards. The staff came to help touch up their make-up and fix anything out of place to film different angles for variation.

The rest of the first day of acting went surprisingly well, it was quite fun too, an experience Kihyun was glad he took.

Up until...

"He doesn't know I'm a guy?!" Kihyun almost yelled at Hyungwon. "There's no way. How?!" he pulls an overly confused expression, bringing out walnut chin.

"Yeah no, not really, but there's a reason for it!" Hyungwon admits with his index finger up.

"You and your reasons, this is a bad idea..."

"It's not That bad,"

"It is because I'm a 100% sure he likes me,"

"Naah, I doubt that, ya'll just met."

"I swear, I- I can feel it." Kihyun's hand raised up to his chest, grabbing onto the necklace around his neck to play with while he stares into the distance.

"You feel it because You want that." Hyungwon raises his eyebrows.

"Won, do you think he's.. gay?"

Hyungwon glances around the floor. "..no?.. are you confused?"

And Kihyun repeats. "This is SUCH a bad idea, if I keep this up when he while he likes me and doesn't like men And finds out I am one, he'll fucking kill me." Kihyun pulls his shirt to create wind when he began to sweat. "I don't think I can continue like this."

"We can't back down now, it's only been a day! A long one too. Where else am I going to find another actress? You don't understand, this is very important to me." Hyungwon explains worrisome.

"I'm talking about him thinking I'm an actual girl." Kihyun paused. "You need to be honest with me here, why aren't you telling him? You know how bad this can get?"

Hyungwon sighs deeply, placing his glasses on top of his head full of hair.

"I'm your friend, you can trust me. Why so cautious all of the sudden?" Kihyun notices his thoughtfullness.

"This short film is for a competition I invested in, the prices are amazing and it would mean a lot to me if we win this." He paused while Kihyun just remains silent to listen.

He continues. "I've been looking for an acress for way too long to call it quits. If.. if I were to tell him that you're a guy _now_ , I might end up losing him and all the money I invested for this competition would go to waste."

"Get a refund?"

"They told me it's not possible."

"They're scammers." Kihyun realized.

"No it's me who went to cancel too late, it's written in the papers I signed. It's complicated." Hyungwon explains.

Kihyun got back to topic. "Can't you have a conversation with him? Ask him something that might give away his sexuality."

"That's gonna be a risk, I don't want to risk anything. I had a good feeling about him that's why I wasn't all too worried, besides, filming is not going to take long."

"I hate this, Won."

Hoseok was spotted from afar, coming their way.

"Oh shit, keep in mind what we talked about okay?" Hyungwon spoke lowly while Kihyun shifts in frustration.

Hoseok approached. "Hey sorry to interrupt," he said looking at Hyungwon. "Minhyuk needed you for a moment, it's about a scene."

Hyungwon nods eyeing Kihyun who seemed a little stiff before leaving the two behind.

Hoseok gave her a short friendly but awkward smile in hesitation whether to leave or not. He then came to the decision to lean on the high chair 'Kihyuna' stood next to for a quick chat.

"So... Kihyuna, you draw as well as the character?"

_'It's essential to get deep into character for better outcome since you're still a beginner.'_

He mentally told himself to relax and just act normally, Hoseok hasn't even noticed anything odd when he himself didn't know what he didn't knew then. "Not really, I used to draw well when I was younger though, now it just faded." she, chatted.

"Aw that's a bummer, I bet your drawings looked amazing. Are you interested in getting better at it again?"

Her smile fades to think, looking up. "Perhaps, why? Are you a teacher?" She was still able to smile through the struggle. She feels horrible lying in his face like this, he looks highly interested.

_'Chest up, chin up, remember that you're a woman now.'_

"Ah no haha.. I was just wondering. Vice versa, I never sketched anything artsy in my life. The only artsy things I do are produce instrumental music and act." He chats.

"Wah that's really cool, can you sing too?"

Hoseok laughs shyly. "Uhmm.. maybe. Don't ask me to sing though."

"Aw I was just about to." She covers her smile, laughing when Hoseok laughed as well. She went all heart-eyes on him.

"I can't stay much longer, they're probably waiting for me. I have 2 other small scenes to shoot still." Hoseok informs and they both were clearly a bit sad to part. Hyungwon was coming back right on time as well.

"See you tomorrow then." Kihyuna said nicely and waves, bracelets shaking a bit.

Hoseok walks passed Hyungwon and was gone.

"Hey Won-"

"Did anything bad happen?" Hyungwon grew worried already.

Kihyun waves his hand, bracelets shaking again. "No, but, he seems like a really nice guy, maybe you should... Really _try_ something. Because look, if you claim to have such a good feeling about him, why can't you just talk?"

"I'm not getting back to that, Ki." Hyungwon found it a frustrating topic. "You know what? Look I can pay you more money if we could just quietly go through with this."

"It's not about the money.."

"Instead of $125, I'll raise it up a notch to $135."

"N-no.. I don't-"

"$175 a day, then, Kihyun." The tall one tries again and Kihyun became pensive. It honestly wasn't about the money, but he hates himself for thinking that having more money involved to stay absolute silent might make it easier for him. Perhaps he wasn't so positive about his honesty.

"Might as well make it $200." Kihyun suggested with hint of sarcasm, rolling his eyes.

"That's a little too much.. I thought we were friends."

"I'm the one who will get in trouble, not you! $200 or I'm gone." Kihyun pouts, slightly regretting how strict he sounded after what Hyungwon explained about the contract.

"$180, no more. Please. Remember that we have a big chance of winning this competition too, I will pay you with anything valuable if we do yeah? Keep it on the low, I can't hand over an unfinished film."

"$150 is fine.." Kihyun decreased the numbers. How he wished to have had informed Hyungwon better about all of this.

\----

_"Cut, again please. Add more excitement, begin whenever you're ready."_

"Minsuk ah!!" Kihyeo squeels grinning, squeezing Minsuk's shoulders from behind. He looks behind and took the small envelope she handed over.

"I won the tickets for the event!" She informs while he read the text. Shot hard-cuts to the invitation in his hands.

"I told you it's possible!" Minsuk glows. "When is it?" He searches for the date and time.

"Next week." Kihyeo joyfully got on her tippy toes, pointing at the ticket in his hand where the date is located. "Will you go with me?" She asks adorably.

Minsuk's sunrise turns into the sunset, not making it on time to see it even; the time and date was right on his mother's birthday party, he has been preparing for it. "I can't, my mom."

"Ooh.. oh no, I forgot.." she looked saddened. "Who will I go with then? I- I have no other close friends but you."

Minsuk thought for a while and looked around. Hesitant. "Wonho?" he suggests.

She didn't expect to hear his name.

"Oh?? Kihyeo's going on a date with Wonho??" Jock number [1] spoke loudly, letting most students in the library hear.

Kihyeo waves her hands quickly.

"She's not." Minsuk tries to prevent false rumors to spread.

"She really thinks she can go on a date with Wonho, hahaha!" Jock number [2] laughs hysterically.

"Y-yah! Stop it!" She raised her voice at them who were shocked she did.

"Say what now you weirdo?" Jock number [2] walks over with the other one following him. Their bodies were big and tall, making her feel even smaller. She should've zipped her mouth.

"She didn't do anything, leave her alone will you?" Minsuk steps in and held jock number [1]'s arm who snatched himself from his grip. "Don't you dare touch me again, ugly trash." He chuckles the slightest but never really smiled.

Kihyeo didn't want to be there so she steps away when the time was right and was gone where they didn't see her go. Unfortunately there were students who were for the jock team and pointed where she headed.

She entered the sci fi book section passing an alien poster with all her belongings on her, so she was ready to make it out but when she looked back she made eye-contact with one of the jocks.

"Aish!" And began walking faster towards an unknown path, as long as it was further away from them.

Or so she thought.

"Next time run faster, pretty sewer rat." Jock number [2] approached her faster than she could imagine and she backed into a bookshelf.

"You didn't bring your weird kid doodles with you today I see." Jock number [1] leans against the bookshelf next to her. "Why's that?"

"Why do you even do that?" Jock number [2] crosses his arms looking down at her. Each jock on each side and she looked at both when they talked, then between them to Wonho who appeared, stopping behind them.

"Care to explain what's going on?" He spoke making the two jocks look back, then at each other, then stood up straight.

"Well, this girl here, thought it was funny to tell the whole library you two are going on a _hot_ date." Jock number [1] lied.

Kihyeo looked betrayed, mouthing. "Th- that's not-"

"Yeah that's why we came to have a word with her," Jock number [2] cuts her off. "She even has a drawing of you, that's just weird, she's obsessed with you man.."

Kihyeo's eyes were glassy. "D-Don't say that!"

Jock number [2] snapped, pointing in her face. "I've had enough with your nasty behavior, stop being the freak you know you are, and stop lying too, so tell the truth about that drawing!"

"Is it true?" Wonho looked her in her glassy eyes, she was speechless how those two could lie about something so big, she was nervous to confess about the drawing she loved so much. The more silent it became the more emotion was seen in Wonho's eyes, he looked dissapointed, angry even. They barely knew each other, and finding out a random girl talking about going on a hot date with him And had a drawing of his face was unacceptable.

"Burn it." Wonho demands with a clench of his jaw. The jocks held their excitement and laughter when he told her that. Hiding it.

"Ey let's go man.." Jock number [2] told the other and left the two behind, snickering when they were further away.

"They were lying." She spoke worried, voice croaking.

"And why didn't you say that earlier? Now that I ask you to do the worst you're telling me they were lying? Is that how you keep yourself out of trouble?" Wonho glared at her, she doesn't look like the friendly, talented girl from the library anymore, but an obsessive freak. He doesn't want his face in her possession, especially after what she said.

_"Cut! That's a wrap!"_

**[End scene]**

"Amazingg~" Hyungwon clapped his hands.

Kihyuna sighs deeply when the emotions still lingered and sniffed her runny nose. Hair dressers and stylists walking around the area now that the cameras has stopped rolling.

"Your acting amazes me." Hoseok glances around before laying his eyes on her emotional self again.

"Don't~ I'm not That great, I messed up some lines again.. I can never get it right."

"You did good, it doesn't always have to be the exact same words as in the script, as long as they're very close." He explains. "And trust me, they were close."

She giggles drying the only tear that manages to rolls down and meet her rosy cheek.

"Everything alright? The cameras stopped rolling you know."

She nods. "You just looked really scary when you said 'burn it.' " She lets out a laugh at her own joke.

"You're joking, right?" He was smiling unsure.

"Yes, and I'm fine. Thanks for worrying."

"I like your humor."

Kihyuna looked extra cute, her eyes closed completely when she laughed in silence, these subtle compliments were still very nice.

"I'm gonna go take my break now."

Kihyuna's stomach growled. "Ah yes, me too.. See you in a bit."

They both then walked but into the same direction, Hoseok being some steps forward. One side was glad they parted because the more they were together the more chance there was for 'anything' to happen.

"Hey uh," Hoseok comes to a stop. "Where are you heading by the way?"

As if anything hasn't happened already.

"Just the inside cafeteria." She informs normally.

Hoseok wasn't amused. "Oh.. you like this place's food."

Kihyuna silently gave away that she doesn't and he quickly got the message, so he leaned forward a little and spoke lowly. "By the looks of the clock on the wall, it says we have enough time for a full meal, do you mind if I show you the place I usually visit? It's called Hamkke Restaurant and it's not that far from here."

While the other side, was So glad to have been asked this but then she looks down at her outfit and panty hosed (freshly shaven) legs when she was wearing a skirt today. (Which she wasn't used to yet.) Since day one of filming she has never been outside in full woman outfit.

"I'd love to but it's a little too cold outside.." she explains.

"Ow." He looks where she previously looked down at. Looking a little too long for her liking so she pulled her skirt down to stop him from noticing any 'manly' leg features.

"Oh no wait I'm so sorry, I- didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." Hoseok got embarrassed and he didn't even look for that long.

"It's okay,"

Hoseok's face flushed red and got nervous, Kihyuna just found him even more adorable.

"I can buy you food, as a apology, how 'bout that?"

"Aaah no, you really don't have to!"

"Okay let me buy you food because I told you to 'burn it', then. I felt bad for that too, you looked really scared."

Kihyuna held her smile by pressing her lips together and they held a strong eye-contact.

"I'll have chicken plain rice with extra veggies on the sides then, please." she gave in.

Hoseok's eyebrow twitched up. "Simple girl I see, you drink coke right?" Hoseok took baby steps back when he was ready to go order the food.

"Sure, only this once."

"What do you usually drink?"

"Beer."

"Beer?" Both eyebrows raised a bit and came to a stop.

Kihyuna giggles. "Just bring the coke, no alcohol at work.. even though beer does sound nice right now.." she said the last part lowly.

Hoseok comes back to stand in his original spot. "What do you Really eat?"

"Okay I actually like to eat beef but that's too expensive for now."

"Beef, plain rice with extra veggies and a cold beer, coming up." Hoseok took mental notes while backing away and clicked his tongue with a wink. Ignoring Kihyuna's protests.

\---

"Whoaa." Kihyuna slurps the Ramyeon from the cup, it was an extra dish Hoseok bought for her. They two were seated in an area they could have their break. Her whole face says Delicious as she enjoys the different flavor in her mouth, glancing around the table, choosing what else goes in her mouth next.

"Without a doubt, Hamkke Restaurant is by far the best, the only place that cooks their food this good." Hoseok spoke carefully with a full mouth.

"I think you're right, I can't come to think of another." she brushed her annoying locks behind and took her big bites of beef that tasted Amazingly expensive. Almost going for a happy dance, having her heart beats even more for Hoseok who also had an eye on her, both shyly looking away.

Hoseok had bought a single bottle of beer to share since they weren't allowed to drink at work. So they're unsure if they were feeling extra happy because it the drink or just each other's presence. It was obviously both.

"The way you eat is.. quirky, makes me more hungry too." Unaware, he reminded her of her big appetite that probably didn't make her look so 'lady-like'. "Not many girls eat like you do, so far I know then." He prepares another bite from his plate.

Her eyes grew big for a moment as she kept them down. Chewing slowly and adding some sort of feminine vibe to her self when she got a little too comfortable.

"I hope you don't mind me being so honest,"

With her accessorized hand, she went to cover her stuffed rosy cheeks while chewing the last bits and picks up more food to continue stuffing it. She's so ready to leave and film her scenes before their break even ends. But she was adorable and funny to him. He was falling more and more for her traits.

The days go in and out, and they were packed with small but lovely moments between the two. By then they sat together in every break to eat could joke around easily, endlessly. In the beginning Kihyun purposely didn't respond to Hoseok's subtle flirting to avoid having things go too far, but he began to _love_ Hoseok's personality.

Sadly, things still happen to get a little far and their conversations went from playful flirting:

_"Well hello there.. looking Extra cute today."_

To something more serious. From 'let's go out and eat something' type of energy to 'let me take you on a date'.

From caring smiles, to applying lip tint for the other while in preparation for the film.

From thumbs ups 'you did a great job today' to 'can we text someday? Have my number.'

Kihyun felt those words all the way down to his non-existent ovaries, and they would have exploded. Having his number caused all sorts of mini stomach drops and heart aches, this was only one of the many steps closer to heartbreak.

\----

"Hyungwon, the end date was 2 weeks ago but we still filming." Kihyun was asking for proper answers. The truth was that the film originally would be 30 minutes, not 10. Meaning they still had a few days more to film. It would have been so much fun if it weren't for all these lies eating him up from the inside. "Hoseok is very passionate, and he's crazy for me, it'll kill him when he finds out." he sighs. "He even gave me a friendship lamp."

"That's kinda lame.." Hyungwon almost snorted.

"It's not.. It's this small!" he measures it with both hands. The size of adorable. "And it turns his on when I touch mine."

"So you took the lamp instead of refusing,"

"It was very sweet of him.."

Hyungwon wasn't happy with the answer.

*Kihyun's phone chimes*

He looks down at the phone appearing from out of Kihyun's pockets, knowing he now also has his number. "And you could have easily rejected him but guess who's really making it worse." He spoke in disappointment and turns to leave the other in his train of thoughts.

Kihyuna stood by Hoseok's set, watching him finish his scenes. He looked passionate in whatever he does, radiating happiness. That's what the others has noticed as well.

Kihyuna was non of that.

She leans her body against the door frame, her see-through bangs in the way and looking sulky when no proper sentence in her head would make it easier to tell Hoseok it all. She doesn't want to wait any longer, she wants to take that damn wig off and be herself again, a man.

"Sup bro," Hoseok approached her that made her look up from her trance, smiling lovingly and he greeted her again with a quick chin pinch. Showing her affection was no secret he wanted to keep from others to see.

Her weakness.

Hoseok noticed her body language. "You're hungry aren't you?"

"Yeah, where's that snack you promised me?" Besides worries thoughts all she could think of was that snack. By the reminder, he gave his surroundings a quick check before taking her hand and guiding her inside his dressing room, clicking the door shut. Keeping her hand in his.

"Whyy~" she whines at his playfulness when there was no need to hold hands anymore while Hoseok searches through his bag with his free one. They were alone and there was something nice lingering in the air, ticklish, the energy could be felt in the veins of their hands.

As if Kihyuna's arm wasn't attached to her body, Hoseok tucked it under his own and continues searching with both hands. She could literally die of how sweet and humorous he was so she couldn't help but place her head on his shoulder and enjoy those very few seconds that felt like none; she needed it to be a few more minutes for it to penetrate.

"There you are!" he finally found the snack. "It's a caramel peanut bar, it sounds simple but it's actually really good. I hope you're not allergic." He handed it over to her who gladly took it to open it up. She has seen this candy bar in the stores before but it never convinced her to buy it. How special could sweetened peanuts be.

"You can stop staring at me now." She says when he was obviously looking.

Let the playfulness begin.

"I'll need a tutorial for that one."

She glances up at him. "...Here we go again~"

"With?"

"Sweet talks." Kihyuna manages to open it up and unwraps the packaging, revealing the bar with a mix of half and cut up pieces of peanuts glazed together in caramel.

"I just find you very sweet, but if you want I can stop." He says respectfully with a hint of tease. It was so easy to see it.

"Yeah do that." She took the bite.

"Okay. Anyway enjoy the snack your beloved 'Hotseok' bought you with all his heart." He walks away with a smirk, carrying the nickname she gave with him.

"Tell Hotseok thanks~" she pretends not to care.

"You.." Hoseok returns for her and points at her problematic self. "You're so mean!"

Her shoulders tremble when she giggled and covers her full mouth with a tiny fist when he approached her for whatever attack he had for her.

"Ok! Ok!" She held a hand out that reached his chest.

"Gimme that," Hoseok then snatched her (now his) half eaten peanut bar from her grip that made her gasp in surprise. Coughing when she inhaled the snack.

Day by day their jokes has gotten bigger and bigger, courage increasing at each second passing.

He placed one hand on his side and with the peanut bar he pointed at her, about to continue teasing her but she couldn't stop coughing. His expression transitioned to worrisome. "...a-are you,"

Kihyuna was bend forward wheezing and coughing harshly since the moment she gasped. Forcing the chunk out but it remained stuck in her throat, not seeming to loosen up either.

She began to panic for real this time, 100%, and so did he.

"Oh my God are you seriously choking?" Hoseok brushed her dark brown locks out of the way and patted her back hard enough.

*choking sound*

"Oh shit, ooh shit," he panics not knowing what to do. For a moment he thought to ask for help but she's been choking for way too long to wait for anyone to get here now so he went behind her and wraps his arms around her waist to perform the Heimlich maneuver.

*wheezes and coughs*

"How does this shit even go again?" He talked to himself and reposition his hands, placing his fist correctly and thrusts inwards, again, and after another try the chunk successfully got out. She gasps for air but Hoseok didn't realize and gave another tight squeeze at her waist making her groan.

"Ah! ya!" She calls weakly. "It's out, ah you're hurting me."

Hoseok groans in relief, still holding onto her weak body, his forehead meeting her shoulder blade. "Oh wow that felt like forever."

Hyungwon walks in on them.

"What.. the.." he said under his breath, eyes jumping from Kihyuna's red and flushed face to her already loose skirt ruffled up and Hoseok situated snug behind her, looking.. some type of way.

Hyungwon shuts the door.

"Kihyuna... are you okay?" Hoseok went to stand besides her, checking up on her, her eyes were teared up and red in color just like her cheeks and lips.

"I.. never thought.. I'd choke this badly on a peanut." She tries to say holding onto her throat, it was very painful and swallowing hurts.

"A peanut? You choked on the whole bar, look at it." He pointed down at the crumbled mess on the floor, she looked disgusted.

Hoseok fixed some of her messy locks of hair. And hesitantly, but carefully fixing part of her skirt back down a bit so she wouldn't look too revealing. "I'll bring you water."

"I think.. you saved my life just now, I got so scared, I really thought I'd pass out.. and die."

"Don't say that." he brought her the cup of water from the mini fridge while she talked and went to clean the mess on the floor with tissue paper.

"No no no! That's gross, I'll clean it up!" She stopped him.

"It's alright, there's soap I can wash my hands with after."

"I'm embarrassed.. please." She then watches him clean it quickly.

"You want to cancel filming for today? You can't force your throat like that." Hoseok wonders when she kept rubbing her throat and making a painful face when swallowing.

"I can go talk to Hyungwon and see what I can do."

\---

"Sit your ass down." Hyungwon didn't even give Kihyun a chance to part his tinted lips when he came over. So he closed the door behind him and chose the closest seat, flattening his skirt from behind before sitting down.

"What in the world were you thinking?" Hyungwon had paced back and forth with the others eyes following him.

"What did I do?" Kihyun traced back to waaay before him choking. "Oh no, wait..." he remembered that he was in Hoseok's changing room. Could that be it?

"If I say anything too offensive I am sorry but I'm kind of pissed- no! Really pissed, what I saw was _so_ low of you," he whispers the last parts.

"I was just- I don't understand why you're so angry, he wasn't changing clothes, at all." He scratched his scalp through his wig.

"I can't believe you- you had sex.. with the door **_unlocked_** ,"

"Oh?!"

"..are you That horny?? And how did you even-"

"What's all this you're talking about?! I didn't have sex with him!" Kihyun was shocked. "I only choked on a peanut!-"

Minhyuk then walks in stopping at the door frame, "You- choked on what?"

They look at the door and Kihyuna closed her legs and fixed herself. "A peanut bar, Minhyuk." She explains, clearing her throat but it hurt so she held her throat again.

"Oh. Ahah.."

"How do you even begin to choke on a peanut, is that even possible?" It didn't make sense to Hyungwon so he crossed his arms in suspicion.

"It was a chunk I didn't chew, and yes I couldn't breathe for I think a whole minute or two. If it weren't for Hoseok then I don't know what could have happened to me. I came here to take a some hours off to rest my throat." She tries to say. Talking just now only made it hurt more.

Hyungwon goes 'aah' with a chin up. "No problem, let's start with a few minutes first and see how it goes, you can actually hear it's very sore." he said trying to hint something. "Maybe you should drink some water and _take care of your voice."_

Kihyuna glanced at Minhyuk when she got the message; she talked a little too deep. "Oh..." She giggles awkwardly.

"Minhyuk," Hyungwon eyed him. "Needed me?"

"Ah yeah, we'll talk on our way back."

\---

Kihyuna and the crew were outside, it was windy and cold and she sat somewhere quiet after finishing a long, chilling, scene with Minhyuk and a jock. She sways her feet back and forth sitting on the edge of a terrace. Her surroundings were white in color, fresh and fitting with how she felt with just a touch of happiness, only a touch. It was pretty and unique, but colorless and cold.

She feels a presence and in her head-turn Hoseok appears from behind to sit besides her with a tiny purple lollipop in his hand to offer. A perfect anytime snack that won't take away too much time. Hoseok's view was stunning to him; she has a thick light blue coat on and a turtleneck below it, tucked right under her pinchable chin, her hair was styled to be a half up half down look, some locks hanging loose that framed her face and keep her warm around her edges. Stunningly cute.

"It's grape flavor, save it for later then." Hoseok tries again when she doesn't seem to want it but succeeded when she took it still. "Stop being so nice."

"This will be the last." He couldn't help but gift this cute girl something as cute. He saw it at a candy store and bought a handful just for her.

"I'm scared to eat it."

"Are you really?"

She nods with smiling eyes.

"Ai, will you stop?" Hoseok could tell she was fooling around. "You won't choke on it I promise."

"I hope." She let the silence fade her smile, having him scoot closer and looking down at her purple candy. "Your throat isn't sore anymore right?" He wonders, he'd ask her anything just to hear her talk. He enjoys everything she has to say.

"No it's doing great actually. If it were me that had to save someone, I wouldn't know how to do it, I would just do whatever. I really need to learn," she giggles faintly scratching behind her ear. "Thanks again."

"I"ll teach you someday." Hoseok had been admiring his all time favorite features of her, unable to decide which one he liked best. There's something unique about her, she wasn't perfect but something about it drew him in, she fits his style.

"Hey, Kihyuna?" he calls for her and she blinks over. The background of the white nature compliments her very well, making him take in her beauty in silence. There's a little moment going on between them, coming up with ideas they might not want to think about yet but their eyes gave it away, there was no hiding it.

Without breaking eye contact she lifted her turtle neck to cover her possible stubble that might have shown through.

"We've been talking for some time, got along surprisingly well, and... I..." he groans when it felt awkward and real. "Sorry , aaah." He blushes looking away, nervous.

Kihyuna's heart is pounds in happiness, no wait, sadness. Yes, sadness! Either way it's _pounding_.

"I know we've been talking about the whole going-out topic already, I know you said your usual 'we'll see'.. but when I said all that, I really meant it you know, like a date. We talk almost everyday on the phone, and I've never been this serious about it."

She gulps in nervousness, looking away while he still continued. Although deep down she was so happy to hear this, she couldn't look at him, it was so hard and painful to experience this moment the longer she thought about it. She hates this, she thought she took enough distance.

"It makes it even harder to keep it all in when you look so gorgeous too, everyday." Hoseok sounded alarmingly honest. Closing her eyes at those words, damn it, that hit her right in her chest. If only he could hug him and kiss him in happiness, then again, she wishes to run away, tell the people she's sick and call it a day to really think about it all.

"Almost, everyday." He then said.

She looks over squinting her eyes.

He giggled and it actually made her smile. It helped lift the mood.

He then closes the already small gap for his lips to reach her rosy cold cheek poking out from above the rim of her turtle neck, the eye on his side closing with the kiss. Blushing.

Badly.

Her eyes gotten smaller and she holds onto her kissed cheek, pulling the turtle neck higher and higher to disappear behind it, hearing Hoseok's little deep laugh at her behavior.

"Momm, this handsome boy just kissed me, what do I do with him?" Hoseok heard her muffled voice say.

"She said to give him the kiss back if you don't want it." He said scooting even closer, his hip meeting hers. He was longing to hug her and keep her warm through the winds passing by. He couldn't hold a percentage so he gently caressed her back.

"If you could be honest for a day.." He began a little game. "..without it having any consequences behind it, what would you do if I said that I've got more of where that came from.." He flirts, curling her lock of hair and waiting as she lowered her turtle neck in thought, eyes fixed on his warm almond shaped eyes that looked back. Dangerously, deep into hers.

In under a snap of a finger, their location changed from the white outside doors to a dark changing room.

Kihyuna just had her body pressed against the wall and held firmly in a hug while in a lip-lock with Hoseok. Most lights were turned off except for the mirror lights, only their silhouettes could be seen. She held onto his face who kissed her passionately, his bigger body against her smaller form at the wall next the changing room's door.

His way of touching her lower back mixed with his kisses dominating hers made it feel like a sweet dream. A wash of pleasure filled them both enough for this to never end. There were no words needed, it was said in the kiss. She's been making out for long enough till that lust from before toned down as her desires were fulfilled halfway and could finally have Some self control to put an end to this session.

With difficulties, she finds a moment to detach from him. "Wait," she tries to say but her voice came out as a whisper. "We can't do this." She parts again when Hoseok continued putting his lips on hers, making it hard to keep her word. His lips felt like a refreshing shower after a long day in the gym. She was wrong to think her desires were fulfilled enough, she wasn't done yet when her meter died down back to 0. There's still more soap to rinse off, it's drying up and became tacky and it'll feel disgusting if she doesn't. But she can't, she has to live with it.

The more she kissed, the worse she now felt. Parting quicker than before.

"Don't do it, don't make this hard for me." She held him away, feeling really fucking irresponsible and anxious. This is the peak of all her problems, praying it was possible to turn back time, if only she could have held herself in just a little more, maybe then things could still be fine, although it never truly was.

"Why are we stopping? We barely started~" Hoseok complains softly and had her cheeks in his two palms. Even in the dimmed lights she was as pretty as a pearl, living somewhere deep and well protected in the deepest part of the ocean. So rare and breathtaking. But the shell around her is closing back up. "What's bothering you? Tell me, baby, you don't have to be shy around me."

With her hand, Kihyuna navigates the wall looking for the lights and flicked them on when she found them. "Please don't touch me," she removed his hands carefully, speaking too. She couldn't hate herself more standing there feeling more than guilty. And she can't believe this day is here to exist to use those words on him. All she wanted _is_ him holding her and had dreamed about it the past sleepless nights.

"... I'm so sorry.. I shouldn't have brought it up." He apologized, he was ashamed. He doesn't know the reason for her feelings but the fact that she got upset made him feel so bad, maybe he's been blind and selfish to see something.

"You did nothing wrong, I just shouldn't be kissing you." She pressed herself more into the wall, hoping it could suck her in and have her wake up in bed just to find out it was all a weird dream. Her head hung low, seeing her 2 inch velvet boots and defined cable knit leggings, hiding her glass-like eyes. "Argh, I'm so stupid!" she said between her teeth, urging to be more verbal but everything she'll say would sound odd and raise suspicion, if it haven't already.

"You're worrying me, what are you afraid of?" Hoseok wonders as she seems a little _too_ upset about something that seems so little, switching his mindset in need to know what's behind all this. "Hm? What do you mean you're not suppose to be kissing me? Is it about us being at work?"

Nervousness gave her stomach pains that made her play with her sleeve. She could easily said it was to save herself but she didn't want to lie anymore. The biggest one has already taken place and it doesn't need more on top. The calendar behind Hoseok came to her attention; 3 more days and it'll be over, freed. She pulls onto her turtleneck, loosening it up and pulling it down when it became itchy and uncomfortable when her freedom will only be partly.

"Kihyuna," Hoseok chuckles a bit, stepping closer and held onto her bare neck. "Why are you so nervous?" He asks once again. "We're fine, right?"

_We._

Like her throat has been squeezed shut, she didn't know what to say except for him to move away, gently pushing at his chest. Maybe it's best to trust her gut.

"I'm not trying to kiss you again, I got the message." He slipped her hand off his chest, holding onto to it and grabbed the other one to hold with it, caress and love. She squeezed his, he's so caring and worried, he beams 'I'm here for you, I'm willing to listen' all around and it's killing her, not because it's wonderful, because it's not. Not now. Being so wonderful in a situation like this makes everything worse. It's eating her alive, slow and painfully. She's going to lose him and that's a fact, there's really no denying it. Her sorrowful eyes were glued to his until her throat painfully cramped up even more, her eyes stung and face muscled pull; she's in a fight with this overflowing emotion but it obviously won, removing her hands to hide in her palms.

Hoseok eyebrows arched, eyes shifting in concern and went to comfort her by rubbing her arms. "Oh my.. yah~ why so sad?" Seeing someone he cares for this upset would never not make him emotional.

"Hoseok," she called for him, taking a deep breath.

"Yes. Talk to me, please."

She attempts to hold in her sobs, wanting to apologize and tell him the truth right there and then.

_'We can't back down now...'_

She clears her throat and breathes deeply, getting herself to calm down. She knows the more she'll cry the more chance there is she might fuck things up. "We need to talk someday... preferably after filming though," she began, the most hateful words she ever had to say.

"Okay? Yeah of course we're going to talk after filming, that was what I was hoping for. To keep the contact."

Damn it Hoseok.

"No I meant talk about something, serious... I hope you'll understand. Can you please promise me you won't be mad?" Holy shit was it difficult saying these, they were the keys to open either the door to heaven or hell.

Let's be real; hell.

And she was stupid to be saying that. She was desperate so she figured it out later that right now, or ever, was not the best time to be this honest, it's not realistic, thinking perhaps now that she's so sad, he would be understanding.

It indeed rung a bell for Hoseok, even so, he muted it so he can go back to it later, now his Kihyuna needs a bit of comfort. "We'll talk." he nods and watches his precious pearl sigh in relief and lean her head back against the wall. Hopefully she's feeling better now, because if she feels better he will too as he too was feeling nervous and unsure, and more curious then ever. Whatever's making her this upset, it might affect him as well. No, it will, it has.

The amount of passion clouded the signs, making him not entirely blind.

He caressed her hands as it's been a while since they held each other like this, watching her dry a tear coming from her small, sharp and sparkly dark brown chestnut eyes. Her pointy nose, powdered lavender pink cheeks and high cheekbones that makes him think of elegance and sexiness. Imagining her in a neat red velvet dress and dewy skin. Going on a date with her to a high class restaurant is his dream, to see her eat in her unique ways with either red or nude lipstick. All of that mixed with their humor and growing bond would be the perfect date night.

His eyes land on her lips for a moment when thinking about lipstick, he had kissed her strawberry lip tint away to a lighter peachy color. Down to her exposed neck at the moment she gulps and dried another tear. His sweetheart was still so upset but he'll be there for her, he once said that to her. Everything about her gave his aching heart a soothing massage until she had gulped once again noticing... an Adam's apple.

An Adams apple?

Time stopped, he stares, he blinks. He's trying to recall if there are girls who have Adam's apples protruding like this. Even trying to recall moments where he was looking at her neck but never noticed it. Now that he observes her better he started seeing things. Her neck looks quite thick and muscled when she leans back like that.

Why is she giving off, _male vibes_ _?_

He doesn't want to be mean for thinking like that but something was a little off so without really thinking he reached out to lower the turtle neck more to see it better. In surprise she held onto it, "What are you doing?" their eye contact never breaking, reading all sorts of things in them.

'Oh nothing' is what Hoseok wanted to tell her but something was starting to look so obvious to him, something was telling him not to say 'oh nothing'. Where did that soft and sweet feeling went all of the sudden? It's like he forgot, snatched from his memory. Cleaned.

"Hoseok..?" She tries again when he was too thoughtful. It could look like he forgot something at home.

"It's, nothing," He says shaking his head and let go of her.

Although relieved, her worries remains, fixing the collar higher up and bringing some locks of hair forward. Reminding herself of the lessons she followed.

_'The hair is yours so treat it as if you had it for years. They won't notice a thing.'_

"-But do you think we can have that talk today? Right now?"

Forget relief, it's like it never happened.

"T-there's not much time, don't think we can." Her belly aches returned.

"When do you have your next scene?" He checks the time while she thought for a moment.

"I'm- I'm not sure I think in 30 minutes."

"Exactly, we have plenty of time if we start now."

Sweety, you've gone stupid. Should've taken a longer moment to come up with something smarter than that.

"Heh, we sh- we should really talk, uh wait* till the end of the film, we can talk more comfortably," she dries her sweaty palms on her coat, her clothes grew hotter and for the thousand of times she could barely look him in the eye, this time it wasn't because of his beautiful appearance.

"Should we go outside? I'm not feeling so well, it's hot in here too." She changes subject.

"I don't want to force you or anything but whatever you wanted to talk about has a lot to do with me, am I right?" her words didn't speak to him, suddenly he couldn't really care about how she felt. His instincts were only helping him, finally in the spotlight.

"Yeh.." Kihyuna said shortly.

"Then, here's me, speeding things up a little, if you don't mind."

"I do mind.. I s-said I prefer we talk about it later." She paused. "It's not that urgent."

He scoffed. "It's not that urgent? Okay," he looks way. It was only getting weirder, then what was all that fuss about?

"Kihyuna, listen, again, not wanting to force, but... although it might not be urgent, the fact that you cried and almost got a panic attack says a lot, it worries me, now not only for your sake, but mine as well. Please tell me I'm overreacting because... Wait- do you- are you seeing someone?"

"Ah, no!" She shook her head, fixing her bangs back in place.

"Then why all this? What happened all of the sudden?" He whined. (Cutely.)

"But why are you so persistent, Hoseok?" Now she whined.

"Am I really?" He disagreed. "I'm only worried because you panicked over a 1 to 2 minute kiss, with all that 'I shouldn't be kissing you' talk and all, if it were me you might've reacted the same or worse. Suddenly so emotional, scaring me like that. Are you on your period?"

Even if Kihyuna isn't, couldn't, and wouldn't fully understand, it took points away. "That was so rude." She looks at him in disbelief.

Hoseok realized he fucked up and cursed under his breath.

"You're one of those huh?" She asks, looking dissapointed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I swear."

She left her spot at the door.

"I wasn't thinking, I'm really sorry." He followed her.

"Is this how you become when you want to have it your way?" She wonders, "Aish, what do I do with you.." She talks to herself. She could have stayed quiet, not wanting to get into a deeper discussion with someone she adores dearly. She felt pressured and it gave her a light headache but full on stomach burns.

"I might have gotten too comfortable around you and I said something stupid, I'm really sorry about that, I really am, but you need to understand my point of view as well." Hoseok still defended himself through his apology.

"You shouldn't be pressuring girls like this." She had to say, she couldn't handle the truth coming out right now.

Her verbal confirmation laid relief on Hoseok's soul. He sighs, maybe he was overreacting, he just adores Kihyuna to the fullest and had his hopes up so high for something to come ruin it all. He didn't want to get hurt, therefor protective. By her shoulders he pulls her into his embrace to apologize again.

And their discussion ended there, words dissolving in thin air.

Filming had continued with ups and expected downs. The next days were busy ones, thankfully, so there could be less talking, lying and bonding. But little did Kihyuna know, their distance was just a window for Hoseok to stand by for thoughtful thinking, brainstorming, going back to odd moments to find clues on how to fix this puzzle Kihyuna left.

\---

Seated in the make-up room after filming the last scenes of the film, Kihyun had taken off his earrings while a click of the door turns him around.

"Oh Hyungwon! I can finally talk to you." he watches him walk in with his usual black leather business folder.

"What's new?" Hyungwon was glowing, looking happy. He has been editing the film and it's already looking great so far. Not many people would be this happy when they need to pay someone as today was pay-day for Kihyun.

"Ugh I wish I could smile as much right now."

Hyungwon took a seat and made space on the counter for his folder and other papers. "You're getting a cheque, you should be happy."

"Cash would make me happier, not gonna lie." he tucks a lock behind his ear and helped the other by removing some bottled products and place them in empty areas between the make-up containers and pallets.

"Spill it Ki, did anything happen between you and Hoseok?" In the meantime Hyungwon flipped through his papers.

"I don't wanna go into much detail because it was so upsetting but we got into a discussion." he began.

"About?"

"About me and Hoseok!"

"Oh damn, 'me and Hoseok'. Sounds so official already. What did you do?" Hyungwon gave him his full attention.

"Are we the only one here?" Kihyun points at the door with his thumb.

"Yeah yeah, they all left already, long time ago." He informed with a quick brush back of his falling hair.

"Ah good." he said and took off the wig and wig cap, ruffling the hair and shaking it. "I need to wash my hair either today or tomorrow, I'm so lazy though." he chats as he continued ruffling it and fixing it in place. Cute and casual wild look when he looked in the mirror besides them. Just-woke-up hairstyle, with style.

"I just made this mistake and I freaked out so badly, said stupid shit afterwards that got him worried and curious." He explains in short.

"Oh man, come on now. Get it together!"

"It went so well but I had to fuck it up in the end! You know how hard it was? You can't even imagine." Kihyun further took off his accessories and removed a layer of clothing, staying in an undershirt when he was feeling a bit hot.

"Good luck with the rest now that filming is over. -Well actually, chances are that we might have to re-film some parts in case we didn't catch it perfectly."

Kihyun groans. "You and your perfectionism."

The other chuckles. "Is that even a word?"

"It sounds like it, anyway where do I sign?" Kihyun slips the cheque closer to him.

"Let me see.. here. Names, signature, you know the drill." He points and leans back in his chair when Kihyun took the pen and filled in the blanks correctly.

"Done, ugh! Finally." He cheers in relief and they stood up while Hyungwon collects the papers and closed the folder.

\--------

A few days later.

 _"Does Kihyun have a laptop?"_ A lady spoke from the other side of the phone.

"Yes I do." He answers with a nod as if she could see it.

 _"Alright, bring it with you and make sure to be on time! Bring your smile with you and a lot of positive energy!"_ She spoke joyfully and they ended the call. Kihyun then went to rewrite the info he noted down in his small paper notebook but more organized.

".. starts at 3, bring laptop.. unit 45 near parking lot, graphic.. designs." He murmurs as he scribbled and closed the small book when he finished. He was in his workout clothes when the sudden yet awaiting phone call paused his plan of heading over to the gym. He'll usually jog his way there, does some sessions, to jog back home but he chose to walk today for him to use the treadmill. Running for about 10 minutes on the machine, within those minutes he's been receiving messages from Hyungwon instead of Hoseok which he was waiting for. Although being far off was necessary, he had missed him so much and he couldn't keep himself from telling him that through text.

*phone chimes*

He came to a stop and checks his phone as quick as lightning only to find out it was his friend.

"What does Won need me for?" He talks to himself, breathing heavily and gave himself a second to calm before answering. "Yes Hyungwon? I couldn't message back I was busy running on t-"

_"Hey Ki sorry to interrupt but can you come over right now? We need to re-film.. I screwed up so badly, the audio is shitty and a half. I messed up the settings when filming."_

Kihyun breathed out. "Aah, damn it. I have to go home to take a shower first, I'm at the gym."

_"Shit, okay, I'll wait, please hurry though!"_

"I'll do my best."

The call ends and he collects his stuff. Checking his phone before heading out to see the unread messages he had sent to Hoseok. Wondering what had gotten him so busy lately. A big part was happy to see him again, he'll have to ask him in person.

\---

Hyungwon clarified the actors which scene they had to re-film when they gathered. It was the 'burn it' scenes and they were dressed with the correct clothing and situated where they left off.

"Let's start off at where Kihyeo runs to the Sci Fi section and end around where the jocks are about to leave alright?"

"Yes~"

"'Kay, get ready. ACTION." Hyungwon sat watching attentively.

**[Scene]**

Kihyeo entered the sci-fi book section of the library with all her belongings on her, ready to make it out and go home, but when she looked back she made eye-contact with one of the jocks.

"Aish!!" And began walking faster towards an unknown path, as long as it was further away from them.

"Next time run faster, pretty sewer rat." Jock number [2] approached her faster than she could imagine and she backed away into a bookshelf in surprise.

"I see you didn't bring your weird kid doodles with you today." Jock number [1] leans at the bookshelf next to her. "How come?"

"Yea and why do you even do that?" Jock number [2] crosses his arms looking down at her. Each jock on each side and she eyed both when they talked, then between them to Wonho who appeared, stopping behind them.

"Care to explain what's going on?" Wonho wonders and the two jocks looked back at a not so happy Wonho, then at each other, then stood up straight.

"Heh, well, this girl here, thought it was funny to tell the whole library you two are going on a _hot_ date." Jock number [1] lied.

Kihyeo looked betrayed, mouthing. "That-"

"Yeah that's why we came to have a word with her, she even has a drawing of you, that's just weird, she's obsessed with you man.." Jock number [2] cuts her off.

Kihyeo's eyes were glassy, shiny. "Don't say that. Why are y-"

Jock number [2] snapped and hit the books off the bookshelf. Startling Kihyeo for real. "I've had enough with your nasty behavior, stop being the freak you know you are, and all that lying you've been doing all this time, so tell the truth about that drawing! We know what you've been up to." The jock said between his teeth, clenching his jaw.

Wonho steps closer, anger in his eyes. "Is it true? Are you really who they say you are?" sharply he looks her in her eyes, she was speechless how those two could lie about something so big, she was getting nervous not only to confess about the drawing she loved so much, but how every words was so _accurate_. The more silent it became the more realistic emotion was seen in Wonho's eyes, he looked even more betrayed, even more furious than before. It was scary believable. Kihyeo's eyebrows twitched in confusion.

"Speak up!" He demands with a threatening step forward, a strong hand landing on the bookshelf with a now frightening Kihyeo before him. She needed to look over to Hyungwon for answers but that would ruin the scene so she keeps her eyes where they needed to be. "I.." she could only say, forgetting her lines, if she even had one at this moment, she honestly doesn't even remember. Acting these emotions out was not difficult to do when it almost felt natural.

Wonho finding out about this freak talking all that nonsense about him was unacceptable.

"Burn it." Wonho spoke threateningly and the jocks held their laughter, fists covering their O-mouths.

"Let's go man.." Jock number [2] told the other and left the two behind, snickering when they were further away.

"They were lying." Right on time she remembered her line and a tear fell down, a real tear she tried to hold in, voice croaking, her tone almost sounded unsure.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier? Now that I ask you to do the worst you're telling me they were lying? Is that how you keep yourself out of trouble?" Wonho glared at her, she isn't the friendly, talented girl from a few days ago anymore, but a liar, a psycho, he felt so much hatred his eyes turned as glass-like like hers.

"I hope to never see you again," He adds, his look was too concerning to ignore. Lip quivering and nerves twitching. His emotions were being held.

 _"Cut!_ "

**[End scene]**

"Ever."

Kihyun's world stopped spinning, did he hear that correctly? He was bewildered and even more so when he walked away.

He _actually_ walked away.

"Oh no.."

Oh yes, and Kihyuna has everything to do with it.

The stylists came over to hand out napkins and fix any drooping make-up while he still had his eyes on Hoseok's back and then to Hyungwon going over to talk to him. Perhaps he might have acted it out too aggressively and that it probably didn't fit with the situation.

The chat was short and Director Won is coming back. "Told him he'll receive a Grammy in his mail when we're officially done, that was amazing! You did well too Kihyuna," he paused to tell the stylist they can go. Turning back to Kihyun. "No need to shoot anymore scenes for now on but if anything we'll keep in touch." He smiles but didn't receive one back, only a soft stare. Understanding that something's up. "It's about him isn't it?" He then guides the dazed one so they could talk in private.

"He knows." Kihyun began, blinking halfway, looking like he's getting sick.

Hyungwon pursed his lips in disagreement. "Maybe you're just overthinking, and you know you've been doing that a lot lately."

"I could see it in his eyes, his voice, his pain." Kihyun blinks his blurry eyes clear and it made the other take him a little more serious. "You've seen it. Why would he just walk away like that. I don't know what to do, people probably saw that and it's embarrassing."

Hyungwon hums. "You got a point there, -but let's not think so negatively. Everything will be okay. We're done for today so go home and go straight to bed to rest, maybe get back in the gym or something or take a long nap on the couch. Want to go grab dinner one of these days? You've been getting a little skinny-"

"I'm not hungry Won!" Kihyun snapped. "I haven't been hungry since we started shooting this damn film!" He looks at Hoseok's direction where he saw him talking to some guys. Observing body language and all.

"Ok ok, chill."

Kihyun nervousness made him feel sick and tingly and weird, he raised his hands to see them tremble. "I need to talk to him, no no no-I I need to get out of here."

"When was the last time you talked to him? Did he say anything odd before you saw him?"

"Through chat but he hasn't responded to my texts since. Hold on let me go check. Please come with me to the changing rooms." Kihyun held his arm to have him follow him. As they arrive he started looking for his phone. It unlocks with a click, and he taps to open the chat where Hoseok left a long ass message for him at the time of his arrival for the shoot.

"Oh my- I'm freaking out!!~" he sobs holding onto his stomach.

"What is it?" Hyungwon walks closer to him who scrolled through the chat to go to the first new message in its colored rounded rectangle.

 _"Good morning to you too. I couldn't reply any sooner,"_ Kihyun reads aloud. _"Thankfully actually,"_

"Shit, I'm gonna puke." Kihyun became lightheaded.

"Keep reading," Hyungwon spoke and Kihyun did.

 _"-because if I did I might have said something that I'd regret today.. it's way too early to have said it anyways; love really does make you blind. So I gave myself a day or two off. I've worked hard, played hard, and unfortunately, I fell hard for you."_ He finished reading looking at his friend.

"That.. that doesn't really say anything." Hyungwon said.

"That literally said 'I found out you're a fucking man', Hyungwon." Kihyun clicked his tongue in annoyance and frustration.

"It says he's just breaking up with you, you don't know the actual reason, but anyways Ki, there's more." He points and Kihyun scrolls down to read. This time he prefers to read it in private so he excused himself and sat to read it.

_"I wish I knew how to express myself decently and without me sounding short tempered but I'm under so much distress, so much I just want to punch a fucking wall. I've typed and retyped and retyped and erased so much text just so I won't send you the wrong messages but I honestly don't give a shit anymore. I heard you and Hyungwon talk,_

_[Flashback to last day of shooting]_

Hoseok stood somewhere far from Kihyuna but they were still in each other's sight. Stylists passing their field of view; they were cleaning the place up as filming was done for today. Most to all actors except them heading home. Hoseok send her a soft smile, telling her that they're fine and he received a sweet smile back, so gentle and loving. It really erased all negative feelings. And he waves her goodbye while he left the already quiet film-set.

Or so he thought, he was looking for his sweater he had left here, since they won't be coming back for now.

There was no one else he could ask if they've seen it so he had looked through the lockers and other changing rooms and finally found it; it was hung by a hanger between other clothing, mistakenly done by a new stylist who wasn't paying attention to prop clothing and actor's clothing that belonged to them. He undid it from the hanger and folds it over his arm, switching the lights off and leaving the space with a thud of the door closing shut.

_"Or getting cheq, ould be happy."_

Hoseok heard a voice or two when passing by another door, wondering who was still hanging around here this time around.

_"Cash woul appier, not gonna lie."_

He stops for a second when curiosity struck by the familiar tone of voice, it seems to be Hyungwon and someone else. His naughty self leaned by the door for a planned 5 second eavesdropping session. Only 5 seconds and then go home. Really.

_"Spill it Ki, di anying happen betwee youan Hoseo?"_

Is that his name he heard? _Hoseok?_ He pays more attention to clear their words. They were talking sorta low, and they were a bit far.

_"I don't wanna go into much detail because it was so upsetting but we got into a discussion."_

Why does the way this person's words flow sounds soo familiar, he needed to see.

_"About me and Hoseok!"_

"Hm.. wait what's going on?" Hoseok spoke to himself, mouthing, and got down to peek through the keyhole, brightness of the light shining over his eye. He could barely see anything since they were sitting too far to the side but a glimpse could catch Hyungwon and a guy sitting in front of him ruffling his hair and shaking it. Mumbling something.

Hoseok recognized the guy's girly looking outfit so he stood up and risks getting caught by opening the door the slightest. Hoping it won't creak.

_"... this mistake, and I freaked out so badly, said stupid shit afterwards that made him too worried and curious."_

_"Oh man, come on now. Get it together!"  
_

Hoseok peers through the opening of the door he made bigger and bigger to see less than a half of this oddly familiar stranger checking himself in the mirror, fixing his wild dark brown to black hair.

His expression dissolving into a stare of disbelief.

_".....so well, but I had to fuck it up in the end! You know how hard it was? You can't even imagine."_

This must be a nightmare... this is a sick joke. _He_ is Kihyuna..? Everything on him is her. The same clothing, the same everything, the bundle of hair that had to be a wig says it all, even the way she talked but just way deeper. Hoseok was certain it was her, and certainly, crestfallen.

_"Is that even a word?"_

_"It sounds like it, anyway where do I sign?"_

Hoseok scoffs. This was absurd. So it was a set-up, all planned. Hoseok has seen enough, heard enough, and by the looks of it they seem to getting ready to leave as well.

Hyungwon closed his folder in sync with the door.

_[End of Flashback]_

Kihyun looks up from his phone when the truth was read, feeling lightheaded again. "Hyungwon," he called for him.

"Please don't tell me.."

"You know that day I got paid? When we heard something at the door." Kihyun reminds him weakly. The other nodded.

"Well it wasn't a ghost, it was Hoseok."

"Ho noh, this is bad news." He held onto his head, grabbing a hand full of hair.

"This is horrible, I can't read the rest, I'm so scared. I feel like throwing up Won." Kihyun said sadly rocking his body in panic. "I knew he found out when I first saw him again, that was no acting, that was real emotion. I fucked up, Ughh! Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!" He felt like punching a wall and pulling his hair out.

"Let's stay calm okay, I'm in trouble too, I was there and stupidly supported this since the beginning, it was my idea, I'll give him a call as soon as I arrive home, I promise." Hyungwon calms him by patting his back and squeezing his shoulder.

Kihyun goes to enter his changing room, taking off some of his make-up, clip on earrings and took off other stuff that isn't his and headed home. Arriving in no time.

He ran mostly.

It's been a mentally and physically tiring day, he was exhausted and stressed to the core. He was in need to hug Hoseok and beg him forgiveness, if he needed to cry like a baby in hunger for him to be forgiven, then he would. The other half of the message has been read at home and it was a painful and frightening part to read. If it weren't for Hoseok's great acting it would be difficult to imagine him angry, that's how sweet he always was, but the message said otherwise. His deepest fury from the darkest pit spoke for him.

_'.....and I've never felt this stupid, this much rage and humiliation in my life. Fuck you. One day you'll see. You will fucking see.....'_

The sweetness turned sour and bitter to bland and tasteless, so disgusting it'll be spit out without a doubt but Kihyun had to swallow it all, swallow it whole, no complains. Those words cut a wound so deep he was certain he'll never heal from. If that's so, then how would Hoseok feel who's the actual victim here?

His body's gone numb, having a panic attack right there and then, his stomach turns and he has gotten even worse belly aches. His bed called for him but he was too light headed and nauseous to walk properly. He truly thinks he's gonna get beaten to death at any time or any day now. He understands how hard it must have been for Hoseok and it's scary not knowing what might happen to himself.

Like he woke up from a lovely dream, entering nightmare, now seeing that he doesn't _really_ know Hoseok.

He wants to turn back to the beginning days where they shared genuine, innocent smiles and had awkward talks, getting to know each other-type of talks, 'are you a morning person or a night owl?'-type of talks. Even wanting to go back to his happy dreams with him, in character and out. Yes, he dreamed both ways. He dreamed a lot.

_(Credits: JIAN_NNN on twitter)_

Where Hoseok would play with her long hair and give her cheekbones cute names, each one having their own unique one. Those cheesy little thoughts made him smile unconsciously. That smile fades when his phone chimes in the distance, it was him. He sounds so calm and in need to see, _her_. Kihyun didn't hesitate one bit and opened the door for him as her, when he was told he'd be there in a minute. Hugging as if they haven't seen the other in months, hugging tightly, it feels non-existent. The happening isn't even being mentioned because they both were in so much heartbreak they just needed to be in each other's embrace in silence.

From that to embracing in white silk sheets. It's all too good to be true, so fast, so dream-like. It really is best not to talk and just follow your heart. So their lips were glued shut, glued to each other when Hoseok kissed her, brushing both hands in her hair, locks of hair between his fingers. The kiss wasn't slow and gently but filled with deep emotion, passionate like a good-bye kiss. He felt light and in love, forgiving, the deeper the more soothing and stress-free. She's like a drug and it never looked more beautiful laying there on those white silk sheets covering her glowing body. Glass-like, fragile, feminine, his. She really is a pearl.

His white champagne pearl themed vision darkened too quick when it reminds him of them kissing in the changing room. Confusion returning like a crashing wave, aiming not for her turtle neck but the sheets, pulling it down, or so he tried. She was too strong, it was impossible to move her arms away. He could barely even feel her. The same questions appear, it's unclear but certain but this time he was more aggressive and demanding to see what she's been hiding all this time while she held on firmly. It was impossible, she was as hard as stone. He must _never_ find out. _I'm a woman now._

 _"It's, nothing._ _It's nothing, Hoseok! It's nothing!"_

Her voice echoed. His anger increased when he just knew, pure anger, as if he saw, it was as clear as day. He urged to strangle her, no, Him. He could never hurt her. He can't watch it happen slowly. He needed to end this flesh eating pain, he is his pain. So he left the frightened one in thin air but came back with a loaded gun, in no time pulling the trigger to a deafening loud bang that shocked Kihyun awake from his nightmare.

Sitting up quickly, Kihyun scans around the dimmed room, panting, where he was all alone with the 5 o'clock sunlight from the midnight brightening his bedroom walls, giving it a dark cornflower-like blue hue. It was cold and the curtains sway with the wind rolling inside, forgetting to close them before he fell asleep.

All this sweating made him feel clammy and he stood up weakly to close the windows, shivering when the chilling wind hit his damp skin. His got back in bed and tucked himself in even though his sleep vanished, just to lay there and think about those threats. About wanting to be good with Hoseok again, about what he was capable of doing, about what's next.

\---

Kihyun would have sent Hoseok 20+ messages if he had send all his versions but he managed to send only 2 long ones and hopefully well written down. Explained himself in short and called himself selfish and an idiot for not thinking. The hard part was that Hoseok didn't believe him, he was being sarcastic and dry. A wall. Just a bad mix.

Hoseok ignored most calls coming from 'Kihyuna pretty doll' and ignored most 40-sentence-text-messages just so he won't have to read the name. He couldn't even listen to the smallest explanation, let alone hear him out completely.

\----

Kihyun's phone rang in his hand, it was Hyungwon so he answers the call. "Hey," he started.

_"Doing well? I haven't heard from you."_

"I'm alright, I was just about to cancel that design course but you called." Kihyun explains, sitting slouched in his couch.

 _"Is that what you call 'alright'? You were more than excited to follow those classes and you're canceling? Naah, don't miss out on that opportunity."_ Hyungwon disagrees.

"I wouldn't be able to concentrate if I go, I've been crying this whole day, I might end up crying again but in class. Worst first impression."

 _"Yeah I get that but look.. I know how much you wanted to follow these classes so I say you go for it. On your way there you'll feel so much better, trust me. Don't let anything or anyone stop you from moving forward."_ Hyungwon spoke and thankfully after only a few extra words of motivation he convinced him to go. Kihyun wasn't completely looking forward to it but as soon as he got out of the house and walked to grab a bus, he began to feel light. Hyungwon can be such headache but he wouldn't know what to do without him.

He arrived at the correct parking lot and took the shortcut through it, checking his phone to read 'Unit 45' so he knows which door to enter. As he enters there were two teachers and like 5 students there and still more to come since there were plenty of empty seats. He greets and took a seat to wait for class to start.

Kihyun would normally make friends from the start but today was obviously different, today he wanted to be isolated. Quietly watching more and more students enter. Some who talked lowly and in private while the others were louder. He wouldn't wanna be friends with the sneaky ones.

"We'll start class in exactly 15 minutes, prepare your laptops if you haven't." The teacher said with a friendly grin and some mumbled that they were already done while some still had to take their laptops out. The last 3 students entered and like always most of the class look over at the door.

One student wished he could throw himself through the glass door when it was Hoseok he saw. Why in the world is he here? Is the universe playing games with him? Kihyun didn't look at him that whole 15 minutes of waiting. How could he? He could barely smile now, he didn't want Hoseok to think that he's fine or happy with what he did.

The whole class had been a struggle, unable to enjoy it to the fullest. There were techniques the teacher taught them which he didn't fully understand but didn't have the courage to raise his hand and ask for explanation. He wanted to bury himself alive more then anything else everytime they made eye-contact, Hoseok's were either deadly or non-existant.

Some more minutes in and Kihyun shook his leg while working on a design. With his wireless mouse he opens up the used notepad to edit some shortcuts he typed in quickly, organizing it now that the class turned quiet and the students had a moment to play around in the program themselves. He clicks to enter photoshop again to continue removing some edges with the eraser tool.

"Oh I have a way quicker method you can remove that part with," the teacher stood behind Kihyun. "Allow me to show you." He took the mouse over and began clicking some areas. "This one, quick selection tool."

"Ah I know about it," he looks up. "I used it but I can't seem to work with the refinement tool, I'm actually smoothing down the edges manually." He explains pointing at his screen.

"Ah I see, I'll come back to help you out with that. You're doing great. Starting to look nice."

"Thank you,"

"Oh uh, have you signed the attendance list yet?" He wonders when he didn't remember passing it by one by one.

"Yea, I believe we all have, the other teacher gave us it the very minute we walked in." He explains when the other teacher had already left.

"Oh good, you can go on now." He smiles and walks towards his desk with his eyes on his watch. "Oh wow," his watch said that in 4 minutes class will be over. "We need to pack our stuff students, I lost track of the time. Chop, chop!"

The students are getting up, shutting down laptops and slipping them in their bags. Meanwhile the teacher spoke giving them a task. "You'll be getting a small homework to do; search for ideal pictures that has to do with the theme and flyer example pictures for next time we come back here and still have no working internet." He snorts. The students had a laugh and left when they were allowed to.

Exiting the door, Kihyun saw that there were two other guys walking with Hoseok so he didn't dare to call for him. With an aching chest he walked the opposite side where he'll be heading home. Contemplating whether he should give him a call later, send a message or just let another frustrating day pass by. He misses their days.

"Hi." One of the guys who sat in the same corner with Hoseok greeted Kihyun, he greets back.

"You liking class so far?" The guy then asks.

"Yeah, it's fun." He smiles faintly.

A group of students pass the two that now turned 3 when a guy joined them, checking Kihyun out. "Hey there, nice to meet you," he stuck his hand out. He looks friendly, walking next to them and asking for his name.

"Kihyun.." he smiles shortly, shaking his hand.

"Are you picking up the techniques well? You're so quiet, I wonder if you had any questions." The second guy asks, the 3 seemed to be going in the same direction, still near the parking lot.

"Yeah, are you always so quiet?" The first guy agrees. "Not that it's bad or anything.."

"No I'm usually not actually, I'm just not feeling all too well. Still came here because I didn't want to miss out on anything." He chats casually, they seemed nice but the fact that these two were friends with Hoseok was concerning. Or it could be that he was overthinking once again like Hyungwon would say and that it's nothing to be worried about.

"That's really cool of you." The first eyed him.

"Ah thanks, I try my best you know." Kihyun looks over and returns his smile.

"You said you have little experience when the teacher asked us about photoshop," the other then asks that made Kihyun look over at his other side. "Yeah, I haven't really worked with it but I watched people edit."

"Nice, I have no experience so I should sit besides you in the next class."

Kihyun smiles widely. He needed this type of interaction, making new friends was always exciting to him so it sure was helpful in this stressful situation, therefor he continues chatting.

\---

It's been some days that felt like forever without 'Hotseok'. Hyungwon and Kihyun sat in a restaurant for quite some time. Hanging out and having a talk.

"I like Domino pizza way more." Hyungwon munched on another slice of Pizzahut's pizza, but Kihyun knows his friend through and through; he liked this pizza as much.

"Domino pizza lacks flavor, I find." Kihyun talked with a mouthful.

"I find it perfect, it's just right. Pizzahut is greasy."

"It is not!"

"It is." Hyungwon smacks his lips. "Look at this." And shows him his greasy napkin.

"All pizzas are greasy, Won."

"Anyway, how has class been this week?"

"Ah that," Kihyun plays with a dirty napkin. "Good."

"I told you~"

"We learned how to make a flyer and some other techniques in it, how to put an image in text and such, that stuff."

"Wow nice."

"Yeah," Kihyun unlocks his phone to show his first try. "It's not finished but it's a start. Here I wanted to give it this 3D effect, and maybe put a border above it. I'm not sure how it'll look like with the colors yet though."

"That's not bad actually! I can add you to my lists of Go-To designers now."

"Yep!" He smiles tightly, not as excited as he looks though, he's still a beginner and he knows Won would call him to still give him the job.

"You now only need to learn how to dress for places, you're on the road to become a proffessional, Ki." He eyed the outfit.

"It's okay to wear hoodies outside, what are you talking about.."

"You usually don't wear such clothes outside, what are you hiding? ..or are You hiding?"

"Yah, stop being so suspicious all of the sudden. Everything is okay." Kihyun looks down to the piece of crust he left to catch a cold. "Aih, shit I-" his thought process changing when he remembered he needed to go quickly.

"Aaah, I totally forgot about the bank and the drug store! I think I'm gonna go and see if I make it. Can't let another day pass." He checks the time to calculate it, deciding on the one that's more important in case he doesn't manage going both.

"Wait you still haven't cashed your cheque yet?" Hyungwon widens his eyes. "After all these days?"

"No, Won." He answers collecting throw-aways with knotted eyebrows, not liking his reaction. He didn't want anything to do with the money, at least not yet. Having that money will only be another reminder of his mistakes.

"I understand." Hyungwon decided to keep it there. His friend didn't look genuinely happy in the first place today, his happiness was seen like looking through a dirty glass window, foggy but present and trying to break through.

Hyungwon also didn't want to give him the opportunity as to why he hasn't called Hoseok since all those days. He truly feels bad for not doing so, but he was busy editing the film, going to meetings and he too was scared, so he only messaged him. Both did not acknowledge the issue. They talked shortly, nothing cheerful and mostly getting to the point. Hyungwon could tell he was not the same.

Therefor he planned on taken him as well as Kihyun out for dinner, not together, of course, but Hoseok declined the invitation. He didn't want anything to do with the two, he needed space before he ends up sueing people. So Hyungwon didn't force him in any way knowing the film can be at risk if he does.

\---

The drugstore was Kihyun's main priority so he stood at the counter to get his paper bag of items, one of them being an ointment he needed after being very, very clumpsy with his decisions. Just all that stress that seperated his head from his body. He hasn't told Hyungwon about it either because he doesn't need a whole TED talk about a wound and how he got it.

As soon as he got his paper bag he thanks the person behind the counter and left to fast-walk to the bank. The weather looked like it was either about to rain or snow so he wore his hoodie and zipped his coat up better to protect himself from the cold wind. Running the last few steps to reach the door where other people also were in a hurry; it was near closing.

The guard standing at the door opened the door for them but signalled the running boy to slow down. "You're not allowed to enter like that." The guard informs him pointing at his hoodie. So Kihyun brushed the hoodie back and the guard opened the door.

"Thank you sir." He thanks him who then let another group enter the much warmer place. What a relief it was, the wind was so chilling it gave him red ears and a red boopable nose.

His eyes scan at the rows with the many people standing in line. Oh man, his feet are gonna kill him, but he can't wait for 2 more weeks to cash this damn cheque as the bank will be closing for the holidays. He chose one to stand in and let the waiting-game begin. It's not like he hasn't done that these days.

He went to live in his phone. Maybe going through his gallery would speed the time up, perhaps a word-puzzle game, or arcade. None sound interesting enough to him now so he ended up reading old text messages. They won't give him much entertainment but he couldn't help wanting to go back even for a while. To keep busy and partly happy.

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"That color really suits you, Kihyuna, wear it often_ _😍_ _"_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll:_ **

_"You inspired me to wear it!"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Oh yeah?"_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll:_ **

_"Aha~~ I liked the way that color looked on you and found something similar in my closet. Was never really a fan of it actually."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Eahh, call 911, my heart!~"_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll:_ **

_"Aaa stop that_ _😅_ _"_

_"...I feel pretty in it."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"I can see that, you behave extra sassy, it's very sexy."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"OH.. there we go again, there's more to come hm? I told you not to!"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"I can't help it, how can I not shower you with compliments? You know last time I leaned in and you wondered what I was doing? It's because there were small letters saying 'place compliments here' on your forehead-_ _😅_ _"_

 ** _Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

 _"Omo, I read 'throw overworking love-bots in recycle bin' last on yours_ _😆_ _."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Ey.."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

 _"_ _😉_ _~~"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Idk what to say but I will get you for that."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"Ha?! But it's not even bad :("_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Overworking love-bot in RECYCLE bin? Why can't you just.. keep using me lol, as you should."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

 _"That's dirty, Hotseokkie should behave_ _🙈_ _."_

**_Hoseok:_ **   
_"There was Nothing dirty about that, you behave, look who's callin me hot once again."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :  
 _"In what ways can I use you.._ _🤔🙈_ _"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Uh, did I jumpstart something?_ _😏_ _"_

 ** _Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"No...? Well yes actually."_

_"Me asking you questions out of curiousity."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Mmm, thought something more scientific."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"That's as scientific as it can get."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Want to study it? Maybe we can learn something new, it's never too late to learn_ _🤓_ _."_

 ** _Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

 _"_ _😆😅_ _"_

_"You sounded just like a horny teen in his horny days."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"KIHYUNA."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

 _"What??_ _🙈_ _"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"I thought you were a lady, what has gotten into you? Are you sure you wanna say such things in here...."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

 _"Oh yeah, sorry, my.. tongue slipped(?)_ _😅😞_ _"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"_ _😯😳_ _."_

_"Didn't think you were this naughty, you could have said 'finger' but you chose the most effective one. We are Typing, not talking."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"Nice to know that Hoseok, the effective part."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"...you're welcome."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"Ugh.. I shouldn't have said that, heh.. I barely know you."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Hahah, silly."_

_"Yeah okay but when do we not talk? We're getting to know each other faster than we possibly could've imagined, right?"_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"Sadly, yes."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"OK."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"jk"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"You should've been here,, you really are looking for trouble."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

 _"_ _😟_ _"_

_"The struggle is real."_

**_Hoseok_ **

_"Is it?"_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

 _"_ _😶_ _"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"What are you doing right now?"_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"Sitting on the floor. Eating actually."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"You always sit on the floor when 'the struggle gets real'?"_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_ ** _:_

 _"Hahh_ _😂_ _"_

_"You're so funny."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"You're welcome bebe."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

 _"_ _😊_ _"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Can I see you?"_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"How ?"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"However you like, I don't mind."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"Ah.. hmm."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Selca? Video call may be too much to ask."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"I'm surrounded by people, it'll be so awkward."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Sure~"_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"Really!"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"It's alright, I still like u."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"Why thx.."_

_"You?"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_":] ?"_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll:_ **

_"What are you doing?"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Smiling."_ **_  
_**

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll:_ **

_"*tomatoe*"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Excited for tomorrow? I am, filming, snacks, fun times, hmm what else.. oh snacks."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"Don't eat too much, you'll gain bad weight, not good weight."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"You calling me fat? This ain't bad weight, this is good weight. It's called muscle~"_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"Ah you're a gym boy."_

_"Me too_ _😊_ _Sometimes."_

 _"(Gym girl)_ _😶_ _"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Really?_ _😍_ _"_

 ** _Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"Sometimes~~"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"We should workout together.. I'm pumped, I can't Weight."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

 _"_ _😂😂_ _"_

_"We'll see."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"I planned on going tomorrow after filming, if you like you can join."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

_"mmm, I'll let you know."_

_"Wah I'm so tired."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Go home~ (if u aren't)"_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll:_ **

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"!!"_

_"Kihyuna_ _😍_ _"_

_"What a surprise."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_** :

 _"_ _🙁_ _thxx."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Why so sad? You're pretty. Can't really see your face but you get the point."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_ ** _:_

 _"_ _😜_ _"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Are u going out? It's snowing a lot."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_ ** _:_

_"No I just wore it for the pic."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"You gave me a whole OOTD selca, I'm well fed for the month, so you can get back in bed now."_

**_Kihyuna Pretty Doll_ ** _:_

_"I actually should, I could sleep for a whole day."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"It's suddenly so boring without you, my bros are busy too."_

\---

Hoseok was finishing up his carpenter work at his uncles'. He was helping him make something nice to display in his house before christmas.

"We can finish it tomorrow." His uncle stood at the backdoor of his house and looking into the garden.

"Yes~" he sing songed while double checking for any odd parts.

"It's starting to look great, nice and sturdy." His uncle complimented. "Come on in, it's cold." Although Hoseok was in a thick sweater, he did feel cold so he placed his art somewhere safe and dusted himself off to go inside. "I'm all covered in wood, I'll go take a shower."

"Aw and I put water to boil for hot coco."

"I'll shower first. It'll be fast."

His uncle nods and Hoseok grabs his bag, or as he would call it, his Dirty Works Bag. The bag he always uses when he goes on jobs/tasks like these. He had a pair of clean clothing inside he planned on switching into after finishing up.

His uncle heard Hoseok's footsteps creak the floor towards the bathroom for a quick hot bath while he himself wasn't as dirty so he didn't need a shower for now. While the hot shower water was running, he pours his own from the kettle into the mug where he had stirred the chocolate powder and milk mix with a little bit of sugar to paste. And stirred the water to enjoy his well-mixed hot coco. Halfway through drinking it, his nephew walks in to make his own. Hoseok would normally add just 1 tablespoon of sugar but today he added more for the sweetness he's been lacking the past days.

"Watch what your doing, you're making a mess." His uncle noticed him flip the spoon of sugar but missing the mug when his attention was in his phone. "Ai- I'm sorry." He placed his phone aside to finish making his hot coco and cleaning up afterwards.

He seriously needed to get himself together. This isn't the first time he's been this clumpsy and not only that but he's been failing his schedule.

Hoseok had warmed his space on the couch for long enough afterwards, he enjoyed his hot drink as well as the conversation he held with his uncle (he needed a good talk) but the time was ticking faster than he thought.

"It's fun to chat but I have to go now." Hoseok scooted forward to tip his mug for the last gulp of darker chocolate.

"Why in such a hurry? You just came over." He joked and they share another laugh.

"I've got some things left to do." Hoseok stood up and took both mugs to wash them.

"Oohh you don't have to,"

"Sure?"

"Yea yea yea, I'll take care of it. But thanks." His uncle stood up to meet him in the kitchen and taps his shoulder to wash the mugs himself.

The job-visit at his uncles' was over to continue with his day, he had many errands to run but haven't really felt like it. There was so little time as well. He truly needs a vacation to get himself away from everything, visit new places and meet new people, perhaps another girl to take his mind off this one. Even like so, he cheers himself up, patting his own shoulder and started walking to run some.

He had helped his mother take down carton boxes with christmas ornaments to decorate her home; she had asked him a long time ago but he hasn't gotten the 'time'. He has done his homework for the Design course and finished two flyers. Visited his trusty program to continue on an instrumental he hasn't looked into. And lastly he went to pay some bills before it's due so he won't have to force himself out the house when he didn't feel like it.

Standing in line for quite some time.

The place was filled with people yet fairly quiet even though there were some people having small talks. And there was just this one conversation his ears paid more attention to.

_"You're not allowed to use your phone in here."_

_"Oh, huh? Really?"_

_"Yeah haven't you seen the sign when you walked in?"_

Hoseok got distracted but hesitated to look.

_"Yea I know but I'm not making any calls?"_

_"You're not allowed to use it in any way."_

_"Ooh.. is this new?"_

He then looks over, the waiting-line was made with the line dividers going in a back and forth pattern so he didn't have to look far behind who's near the end of it.

_"No it's always been like this."_

_"For real? I didn't know that. Sorry."_

The person made him freeze in place.

_"Have a good day."_

_"Thanks."_

It's him.

Hoseok can still see him in the corner of his eyes, and he too seems to have been noticed. He glanced down, paying attention to his side. He, as well looked away, looking far down, and that's when Hoseok looks, both jerking their eyes away when they accidentally made eye-contact.

Goddamnit.

Hoseok steps forward when the client at the counter finished and another gets their turn. Waiting once more, finally almost his turn though.

_"..sorry, excuse me."_

Hoseok's ears catches the voice again, curiousity nudging onto him firmly.

_"Sorry,"_

By the time Hoseok turns, he, had already managed to pass some people to exit the waiting line and leave the bank.

So now He is avoiding Him huh? Okay, cool. Hoseok sighs deeply, eyes following the boy's back now behind the glass door and into the falling snow. He's gone too quick.

"Do you know him?" An old smiling lady right behind him asks.

"Uh, well," he stutters.

Yes. Yes?

Not really. Well..

Why was it such a tricky question.

He shrugs slightly. "He just looked familiar." He then nods, satisfied with his answer.

"The way you look at him says he has something you find important." She lifts her eyebrows, teasing.

Hoseok chuckles, shaking his head in disagreement.

"I'm 76 years old, I know what the look in those eyes meant. Don't ignore it for tomorrow when you can do it today. -Oh look it's your turn now." She points forward at the empty spot at the counter. "Go on, you might still be able to catch him."

Hoseok gave her a short smile to approach the counter and did his thing while his mind still projected snow.

\---

Kihyun's highly irritated. His pace was fast, almost stomping like a kid, if he could he'd throw a tantrum. The cold was bothering him, the pain from his wound just had to join it all and the fact that he saw that beautiful angel of a man after so many days. He couldn't hold him, smile with him or just wave at him anymore. It'll be stupid if he did cause he would be ignored. His heart was beating rapidly when he fell into anger.

"Stupid .." he mumbles. ".. idiott," looking bothered and annoyed.

"..had to fuck it up.. can't do shit.. want to explain but you won't listen!.." he mumbles some more and reached a bench, throwing his paper bag onto it, "Uhgh!" that almost made him slip sideways. "Eyh!" He yelps and cursed when his anger grew and he pulls a crying face reaching for that cheque to snatch from his warm pocket and made a crooked ball out of it before throwing it onto the floor. Plopping himself onto the snowy bench watching the wind shaking the kinked piece of paper. He truly couldn't give a damn about that $1k+ salary.

"No wait no no no~" he got his senses back and with his arms stretched like a toddler going after a running pigeon, he hurries to the cheque to pick it up before the wind does, and goes to sit on that wet bench again, facepalming himself, not happy with his actions in public, people in the area might see him behave like this.

One passerby for sure who saw was Hoseok, he was standing there and watching the scene. He had to because he waited for this fool to make the path free for him to pass. When the show was over he passes by whose stare followed his stiff-like figure.

Each step walking further away felt like a stab to Kihyun's heart. In hesitation, he opened his mouth to call for him but the figure had already come to a stop at the moment of his attempt.

Hoseok turns, thoughtful, and sighs loudly to sit besides him.

The energy he carried was felt through Kihyun's skin to his bones. Dark, heavy, negative.

"Why," Hoseok starts but Kihyun didn't have a valid reason. Thinking back to his mindset and how easily he let it happen makes him want to dissapear into thin air. He shouldn't have cared for Hyungwon, he should have let him lose his money to learn from his mistakes and not drag him into this.

Like Hoseok said; _fuck you for that._

"I'm embarrased," Kihyun tone spoke for his million appologies. "..I'm ashamed of myself." His voice sounded heartbroken, broken itself, going high in the end when his throat closed up. "What do I do.. what can I do?"

Hoseok couldn't bother looking over, his devilish miniature self said do not interact in any way but his angel-like miniature self said the least he can do is that. You stopped to sit knowing all the answers Kihyun has given. All the explanations and sorries he left, everything was typed in his phone, proof, a reminder, something to go back to. Why did you sit if you don't want anything to do with him?

But he used you! Look you in the face and straight-up lied, smiled with you as if he had a life planned with you, why did you sit? Stand up and leave him to collasp and fall to pieces, turn into dust to absolutely nothing, how he did your heart and future, fueled with hope, painted with passion.

Hoseok shook his head for snow to fall from his locks of hair, hearing the others' cries when he failed to keep that unknown. "You shouldn't be the one,"

"I know, but I'm hurt too." Kihyun dries his reddening eyes. His tears made his cheeks feel cold but he was numb to that. "I'm just so happy to have you sit besides me after all that happened, even though you've hurt me back. I know, I know, it's a lesson well deserved, I didn't need that to happen to me to realise what I did was wrong but I've been going through hell the past days."

Hoseok frowns at his words. "I? have hurt you back?" He points at his chest, looking at him. "What you did is nothing compared to what I did."

Kihyun scoffs. "Of course not," he doesn't understand himself; is he being selfish to think he's been hurt more than Hoseok? Or is Hoseok being insensetive and couldn't place himself in Kihyun's shoes?

"I cussed you out, yes. And so what? I told you I can't, and I won't see you anymore after what you did. I ignored most of your messages and calls. Ignoring you is nothing compared to you pretending to be someone and making me believe something for days. For fucking days." Hoseok spoke in frustration. "How would you like it if I were to do the same? Pretend to like you but in reality I don't and only did it for a fucking film, come on man."

"I tried not to grow this attached to you. I tried ignoring your-"

"Don't say that," He interrupts him right away, he wasn't having it. "You're blaming it all on me now,"

Kihyun was worried, Hoseok is getting too upset. His body language screams it all. "I- I'm not! I really did and it was already hard for me but you kept on-"

"Again with the 'you', blaming it on me. Tell me you didn't want it." Hoseok turns in his seat to face him. He looked like he was going to make a scene and Kihyun was close to moving away in fear. "I said Tell me you didn't want it!" He spoke loudly, demanding for an honest answer. "You're telling me I'm insane?!" He stood up in anger, voice following him and so did Kihyun, nerviously tugging and twisting his sleeve, trying to tell him to calm but it was like he never spoke. "Blind?" Hoseok continues. "I really wasn't, if you didn't want it you'd let go of my hands, you wouldn't join me in breaks, you wouldn't look at me with those eyes, you wouldn't text me first, you would'nt give me hope-"

"I know!" Kihyun whined like he wanted him to stop repeating it, it's becoming too painful now. "I shouldn't have, but why after we were, we had something, why- how you could just, end everything the way you did." He stuttered badly.

"Psh, had something." Hoseok mumbles. "A bunch of lies is what You had for me."

Kihyun took a deep breath, coming to conclusion that they won't ever understand eachother. Unable to understand it, so much it was angering. "I get that I've hurt you, a lot, to the point of you telling your closest bros about what I did, but you could've left it at your threats. That _only_ almost got me insane."

"Yeah well I needed someone to talk to," he paused. "I-"

"Talk? Just talk? More like plan something with. I really didn't expect that from you at all.." He let out a disspointed chuckle. "I really did fuck up huh? Maybe I really did deserve it."

Hoseok couldn't connect the dots, the topic was breaking into pieces and it didn't align. "What plan?"

"Ah, now we're acting stupid? Maybe it's been a while let me help you remember." Kihyun said grabbing his paper bag from the drug store and pushed him with it. "Open it."

Hoseok took it and his memory began to clear up, knowing in what direction it's going.

_[Kihyun's flashback]_

"Nice, I have no experience, I should sit besides you in the next class."

Kihyun smiled widely. He needed this type of interaction, making new friends was always exciting but the path had other plans for him. So he slows down his pace that slowed down the two new friends with him. "Sorry~ Gotta go this way." He points to his direction which was into the parking lot, right before him was the brightness of the other side. His shortcut.

"You're going in here?" The first guy seems worried when the area looks dark.

"Yeah it's fine, I'll walk fast." Kihyun looks back to them.

"We can keep you company." The second one walks over. "Wouldn't want anything bad happening to you." And taps his shoulder.

"Oh that's okay, you don't have to, the other end is right there."

"It's fiine~ just a simple act of kindness." Kihyun looks to his other side where the first guy who joined his tracks spoke, he was alarmingly closer than before and was only looking forward.

Kihyun looks back forward in thought. There's a weird energy lingering. It was dark, chilling, like there was no gravity under this roof.

The second guy's hand was still on his shoulder, in fact, it went to the crook of his neck to slow their pace down. A feeling of being trapped overcame him, intensefying the feelings from before, you're not suppose to be stopping now, look out get away from there, run, quick, now, now, now! It happend way to quick, he was a second too late when his instincts had warned him to get away from these two. One got him in a choke hold to drag him to the side while the other took the laptop bag he dropped. Away from people's view and into the darkest corner.

"Is this him?" Another voice was heard.

"Yeah, a 100%." The first guy roughly flinged Kihyun in front of the 3 other figures, and due to fright he couldn't land on his feet.

Kihyun hisses in pain when his body hit the hard concrete floor, pain lingering through out his whole body and holding onto the most painful spots. Even like so, he makes sure to look up to avoid any unexpected swings coming his way. If that is what these guys had planned for him.

He was unable to react properly, all he could to do was pray and think to fight back if needed as an escape was impossible to see when he was surrounded by strangers, like a prey that lost it's group, about to be ripped into pieces.

That is the exact discription of how he felt like. Ripped into pieces.

He had never gotten into a scary situation like this. Never bullied, never confronted by people, never gotten into such trouble. Hoseok's attraction really did make him blind to see the consequenses this unthoughtful idea came with.

"I heard you do stupid shit for money? Like betraying my bro for over a month, for a stupid amount." This guy looks like he worked out, he's big and strong and he lifted Kihyun by his favorite winter coat that snapped it's first 3 buttons off and damaged the zipper, pinning him against the wall. He was so light weight to him, made him feel extra strong and it boosted his level of anger much more; beating him up will be effortless and he couldn't wait to teach this sissy boy a lesson.

No excuse would really help this prey. He was on the edge of begging but shock prevented all that; he's aware he became their brand new punching bag still in it's packaging to be unboxed.

"We- w- already talked it out, there's no need for all this." He tried saving himself. "Please, please understand," he held his hands flat against each other. Praying motion.

"Talked what out? He still feels like shit till this day. Psh! Look at you, you really don't look like a psycho." He tapped Kihyun's face quite harshly.

"You're not laughing now huh?" The big guy rolled up his sleeves. "Hm? Fun is over?" He slapped him sideways. "Stand up straight and be fucking responsible." He pushes his shoulder back to the wall.

"We already talked it out! Please, I'm not a bad person. I swear." His voice was uncontrolled, he wished to escape from this dark and abandoned corner no one ever walks by. He truly thought they're here to end his life.

"Blah blah blah, like how you lied to my bro and made him believe you were legit. Fucking prick." He spat and slapped his hands away from his face.

His breathing pattern wasn't under his control, he couldn't change it and slow it down to calm. His fingertips had gone numb and he wonders how he's still standing when even his legs followed, and his body, if he'll get hit he may not feel the pain. "I'm speaking the truth," he had to say, he couldn't just stay quiet. "I didn't mean for this to go like this." He was even ready to swing his own numb limbs for when they do. But there are just.. too many of them.. how will he survive?

His words won't affect them so they continued with their plan. Having the second guy tear the laptop bag open, damaging the zipper and took it out to throw the bag on the floor; purposely aiming for the dirtiest spot, and opens it far apart to damage the screen.

"Just throw that shit on the floor." One of the stranger's voice was heard, and so they did. They snapped the screen further open and threw the machine down, stomping on it and doing all sorts of damage to it. With tears in his eyes Kihyun whimpered when those cracking and snapping sounds were painful to hear.

Goodbye to most of his important personal information, some he had yet to backup somewhere else in case this type of shit will happen to it.

Goodbye to scenery pictures of trips he took and of himself he had saved since 8 years ago.

Goodbye all that hard working money he had bought it with, thrown into the fire and melt together to dry up solid and impossible to fix. And goodbye to those expensive programs he had invested in for future plans.

These guys were up to no good and it was heartbreaking that these men were linked to Hoseok, someone he felt so safe with. Someone he never doubted in. It was saddening. How could he forgive? He actually has no right to play the victim now, he should take the abuse and take responsibility.

But this payback feels out of place, he couldn't accept it.

The bigger looking one looks back at Kihyun and removes his hand from his shoulder more towards his neck and it made his prey's heart stop for a good few seconds before it began pumping quickly again, firmly holding onto the stranger's hand. He won't accept going to get choked to death. "That money you did this for. Go buy yourself a new laptop." He chuckles while some had laughed. The effect only their laughter had was abusive to his insides.

"Buy a pink one, since you love being a girl so much." He adds and looked back at the others smiling, they had way too much fun bullying him. "How many guys have you tricked hm? Is this what you do for a living? Dressing up as a woman and fucking with people's feelings?"

Kihyun shook his head quickly.

"Of course not, but back then it was. Now you're just trying to get yourself out of trouble. You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into huh?" The guy spoke with more anger and switched hands to aim his fist in the boy's stomach but it got covered by arms and legs. Kihyun gasps at the sudden attack, feeling even worse than he could possibly imagine. This is it, this is it, this can't be it.

"Take it's clothes off and hold this piece of shit so I can teach it something." He signalled the guys who went to hold him who they simply didn't see as a human being anymore, he who was now constantly begging, hoping to kick some sense into their locked brains while they continue to rip a layer or two of clothing from his torso for their punches to be more effective.

"We're no bad people, but those fantasies you have buddy," he taps his index finger onto Kihyun's forehead, nail leaving sharp pains. "I'm gonna need to beat them out of you,"

Since then his body proceeds to tremble. Holding his arms up in defense was useless and unfortunitely couldn't avoid most hits that pressed hidden buttons to unconsiousness. Even though it was excrusiating, he wasn't there to further protect himself, their voices became unclear of them hyping up the stronger one.

_[End of Kihyun's Flashback]_

"Who was it?" Hoseok's anger was still present but its direction was shifting.

"You're the one who planned it and you're asking me?"

"I didn't _plan_ anything, now how do they look like?"

"So they come for me again? You're out of your mind."

Hoseok sat back down to rub his face and brush his invisable beard down with another loud sigh, groaning even. Watching tiny snowflakes fall down to the whiter ground. It wasn't snowing like crazy but it was constant. Collecting white flakes on their head of hair.

To his friends out of rage, he might have spoken carelessly about what this person did to him, might have been too informative and send them a picture of the culprit and his name. He was tempered, devastated, deceived and have said things that made them believe one things or another.

His mind then goes back to Kihyuna. In reality, it was her who they beat up.

"I can't stay here any longer." Kihyun needed to leave and walked fast. He was forcing himself to do so, day by day he was only getting more upset and his dark apartment and warm bed was calling for him. All lights turned off for a deep and undistracted nap.

"Wait," Hoseok calls.

Kihyun turns around in annoyance, his hopes were so low he just knew it wouldn't be anything to lift his spirit.

"Y-you forgot," he reminded him of his drug store bag.

Kihyun looks disappointed, at the bag and him, and walks over in defeat.

Slow and thoughtful. He was right, nothing to lift his spirit.

He stops right in front of Hoseok who looked up at him. He was in too much emotional distress he didn't bother reading what those eyes meant. He took the paper bag and drops it. "I don't want it." He pouts and kicked it further away.

"Yah," Hoseok stood up passing his height. "Stop with these minor suicidal actions," He spoke to the back walking away again but then held onto his coat. "I'm talking." He didn't plan on showing he cares but he can't deny there's still this connection between them. Now some more after finding out about the assault. But only as someone he knows, nothing more, anymore.

"Please don't touch me if we're going to part to never see each other again." Kihyun went to stand at a distance and Hoseok grabs the beaten paper bag that had gotten some holes and tears. Saving it from the snowy bedding and walks up to stop in his view. Seeing the resemblence. So similar.

" _Kihyun_ , right?" He asks for confirmation when he had only read his name in an apology message.

"What is it."

"Are you seeking for attention?"

"You wish."

"I don't." Hoseok responds shortly.

"Then what is it you want if you're not gonna care anyway."

"Stop behaving like a child, you don't see me throw a tantrum over what you did."

"Says the one who send an entire group to beat me up. I almost lost a fucking tooth."

Hoseok looks down to his lips and indeed there was a bruise hidden under a layer of make-up. "You're going to ignore the fact I said I didn't plan that?"

"...I am! Who says you're talking the truth anyways!" Kihyun answers stubbornly.

"Listen if you're gonna keep this attitude I will walk off." Hoseok points back with his thumb, surprising Kihyun with the strict scolding for his behavior.

Kihyun didn't change his upset expression but had to blink away when Hoseok's look was sharper than his.

Hoseok continues. "Can you take this home and take care of yourself?" He hands him the bag again. "I have people to go talk to."

Like a good kid, Kihyun took the bag. He had to, Hoseok suddenly turned into a big brother he didn't want to upset more. "Just leave it, there's no need.."

"I can't just leave it, it wasn't my intention."

"It already happened, there isn't anything you can do now anyway."

"It's never too late. I have to say Something, I won't let days pass having them think they got my permission to do that." Hoseok explains.

"But I said to leave it, it's fine, please.." Kihyun's heart beats heavier.

"But they got it all wrong, I have to talk to them. I cannot and will not smile with the ones who did it."

"Hoseok," he whines in annoyance. "Don't, I'm really scared." he then confessed when his fear of that day returned. His belly aches returns, trust in Hoseok vanishing once again, hope dying down.

"Ahh.. you don't have to.. they won't do anything anymore.."

"I do, you weren't in my shoes to know what they did. If you were you'd know what I'm feeling right now. Talking isn't going to rewind the time and save me, the damage has already been done. You speak to them and you will make it worse, out of everything please don't do it." He explains looking worried and Hoseok could feel the fright he displays through his eyes and voice. He didn't want to add more.

"Okay, I understand.." he decided with a heavy heart. He was so ready to give those bros a word or two for doing something this unacceptable.

"Ah thank you so much." Kihyun felt a big relief take over, suddenly he doesn't think he'll need to take painkillers when he arrives home. He can even take a nap with a light on, maybe even smile himself to sleep.

"Anyways... we're turning into snowmen," he looks up at the white skies and down to Kihyun decorated in white flakes.

If only Kihyuna was real, then it would have been a perfect day-out in the cold. He'd hold her hand to keep it warm, help her wear the hood of her coat and fix her bangs beneath it to have a reason to reach her plump cheeks and squeeze them, caress them. He knew she'd be okay with that small affection, even when she says no, her energy says yes.

"Can we talk later?" Kihyun wished to contact him, he has a lot to say he can't in person but Hoseok hasn't been Online and reachable since then.

"I have a bunch to do this week, starting from today. Uh.. I'm afraid we can't." Hoseok looked everywhere but his eyes.

"What happened to your phone?"

"It's just been acting strange. I'm not sure. I've been too busy to care actually."

There was a silence taking over, like they thought alike.

"We'll see, Kihyun." Hoseok nods.

They were.

They parted not knowing what the future holds for one while the other did, maybe. It was tough, tough for Hoseok. _Never_ , could he imagine going through something like this. Thinking about it brought displeasure, every, single, time. The truth was right in his face, under a wig and a few pats of blush on the cheeks and feminine clothing.

_(Credits: JIAN_NNN on twitter)_

Hoseok's been seated on his bed in thought, noticing the friendship lamp lit up from where it's being touched.

She was so beautiful to him? So gentle, and feminine. Not The most, but she was. She was silly, funny and adorable, her personality was everything and he was looking forward to making her day, ready to buy her presents, ready to make her his girlfriend. He had no other girl he thought as much of, he compared them to her but they couldn't win. They were either too much of one trait and too little of another. Just no right fit. He never looked for perfection in anything or anyone though, but Kihyuna was close. Now, she was gone.

The light dimmed after the longest wait.

Her none-existance darkened his days no matter how white and beautifully it snowed. Mind occupied by Kihyuna. From her, to Kihyun, for days until she became a foggy memory.

It was another day and another night-time, the snow piled up outside after it stopped falling, it was a pretty sight with all the lights decorating the streets and houses. Sitting outside well covered for some fresh snowy air with his phone sleeping in the palm of his hand and his thumb hovering a button that returned a glimpse of the darkness.

Unblocking 'Kihyuna Pretty Doll', and changing it to 'KH'.

The less, the better.

 _"Hey."_ He sends and waited. He has nothing planned for him so he'll just let the night take him wherever. In about 5 minutes or less he received the reply.

**_KH:_ **

_"I'm so happy to hear from you."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"You wanted to talk."_

**_KH:_ **

_"Yeah.. I just, feel sorry. I acted stupid lately, I've just been agitated and uneasy, please forgive me for my behavior, I'm not used to this.."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"You could have said that in person too, but whatever, it's fine, let's just forget it all."_

**_KH:_ **

_"Yeh.. Sorry."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"You can stop apologizing now. I get it, you're sorry."_

**_KH:_ **

_"Ah sorry :("_

_"I mean, okay :s"_

The conversation then grew too quiet.

**_KH:_ **

_"Have you eaten today?"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Yep,"_

_"Just now actually."_

**_KH:_ **

_"What was it? It might give me an apetite."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"The usual."_

**_KH:_ **

_"Aw I know it's not really gonna give me much of an apetite,"_

_"Spicy chicken."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Correct, congratulations."_

**_KH:_ **

_"Heh.."_

_"Hope you ate well."_

Kihyun stares at his name until he was finally typing again, in expectation of a short 'thnx'.

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Did you take care of yourself?"_

**_KH:_ **

_"I mean, I have to.."_

_"Infection."_

_"Thank you for asking :("_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_" >.<"_

_"I haven't really apologized either,"_

_"I'm sorry it had to go like that, I would never."_

_"Ugh, I said stupid things again.. I really need to work on that."_

**_KH:_ **

_"It's alright, I guess."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Is it bad? (Don't send picture tho)"_

**_KH:_ **

_"You read my mind."_

_"Don't worry, I won't."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"And? Is it?"_

**_KH:_ **

_"Me as a whole? Yeah, bad. The infection itself isn't anymore, when I treated it it slowed down and started healing pretty quick."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"mm.."_

_"Good to hear it's healing."_

**_KH:_ **

_"Mhm.."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"So, is that why you stopped going to design classes ?"_

**_KH:_ **

_".. uhm, I rather not say much."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Ok, you don't have to."_

**_KH:_ **

_"I appreciate that. Thank you for understanding."_

_"You have no idea how much it means to me."_

The conversation continued with short and simple answers, thinking it'll be for a while but the while took longer then expected; things needed to be discussed. The convo had stretched till the burdened feeling lingering in their hearts and the pain it carried turned vague.

These days were not for that, it was the holiday season and they should be feeling the energy of Christmas. They should be going out with friends and family. Not seated in thought and depression, wondering what the other is up to and waiting who will text first. It was a waiting-game for both.

\---

The shortfilm projected on a big screen where Wonho sat at a crowded bus-station, looking impatient and checking his watch.

Seconds later Kihyeo sat on the bench without paying attention it's him, seeming to be in a hurry.

Wonho stares at her, a calm and romantic piano medley playing to demonstrate the way he feels. He always found her beautiful. And thanks to Minsuk he found out the jocks were up to no good with her. Teasing and taunting her unique drawings, her self being and causing all sorts of problems. He felt guilty to have spoken in such a bad manner without giving her the chance to explain herself. Thinking back, she was clearly afraid, always so timid and quiet. He had learned to not jump to conclusions and be more patient whenever rumors were spilled like hot tea and get furious by the idea of getting burned by it. He should do what's best, and if he wants bullying to end, he should start by doing something himself.

Her bus arrived and his eyebrows twitch up in worry, she and other people who waited stood up. In slowmotion her skirt swung and her hair bounced prettily when she jogged her 2 to 3 steps. The bus door opens for her and he watches her through the windows up there, choosing the seat on his side and looking out into the distance. Shot panning towards her glowing look and faint shimmery highlighter glitsening like a star. This scene portrayed her very beautifully and Wonho couldn't keep her eyes off of her now more than ever.

"Do you know her?" A smiling lady in her 50 asks him out of his dreamy pink and sparkly trance. Goodbye lovely music as well, fading into the background.

He shrugs a bit. "Uhh, yeah, well, a little. Fairly new."

"Reminds me of how me and my husband met," she looks to her side at her smiling husband. "How about you go talk to her?" She then said to the young man. "You look like you have something very important to say."

Wonho chuckles awkwardly. "The bus is leaving already. Maybe some other time." he eyed the last person entering the vehicle.

"Why leave it for tomorrow when you can do it today?" The lady's husband joined the conversation. "You'll never know what your future holds if you ignore the chance. Or hers. Go on, hurry." he finishes and the lady nods excitingly. The piano music returned and took over, following the pace of Wonho's heartbeat when he had been convinced so he stood up to run his steps before the bus shifts it's gear to drive. The busdriver saw the two hands keep the door open, fingertips curling around it.

It's the perfect opportunity to go have a talk because he hasn't spoken to her since. The old lady and her husband then watch the young man enter and the young pretty lady looking surprised and shy to see him choose the seat next to her.

Their favorite movie scene then drove off into the distance and far far away.

 _Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right,_ so Wonho apologized to undo the damage he had done even when he thought it was 'small', even if it was nothing compared to what the jocks have done. _Even the smallest act can put someone to suffer._

The screen slowly fades to black disspearing the text in italic. Soon the ending emotional piano instrumental follows and the movie ended where the audience of around 300+ people clapped their hands and cheered once more, louder than when they have announced this winning shortfilm minutes before playing it.

Hyungwon claps with them blinking his threatening tears away when he catched some people drying their eyes with napkins. Making this film meant the world to him, not only for the awards but the message it gave.

The lights lit back up from being dimmed off and the applause toned down when Hyungwon spoke into the mic, standing on stage with two hosts.

"Thank you," he thanks them again before one of the hosts took the mic over.

"That, ladies and gentlemen," the hosts spoke. "..was the number 1 winning shortfilm of the 'Project a Change' event!" the audience clapped again. "I'd like to thank all 3 winners and participants for creating such beautiful short films, "The host continues. "Unfortunitely there could only be 1 main winner here so I have to say, the judges had it very hard. Let's give a round of applause for the participants once again for coming this far!"

They applaud and the hosts continue to repeat what director Chae Hyungwon have won which were vacation tickets for 2 with hotel, breakfast and spa treatment included, 2x $50,- giftcard to a gadget store, a huge giftbag containing all sorts of snacks, $1,500 in cash and a brand new camera, latest version. The purpose of the 'Project a Change' project was to call out all producers, all actors or just anyone, doesn't necessarily have to be talented, and gather to create a meaningful film to end bullying or at least on the road to for the future. The winning film that spoke the most will receive amazing and useful gifts for their effort and will be played at an upcoming event to further spread the word.

All the actors were present excluding Kihyuna, due to feeling 'unwell'; Kihyun did not want to change into her ever again. And besides, not being present at the announcement wouldn't make the film less off a winner anyways.

But that didn't mean he wasn't there. He was nicely dressed for the occasion and thankfully no one paid too much attention to him who stood between the other guests and having a drink.

"Congratulations to you too." Hyungwon walks up to him and they hugged.

"We made it, huh?" Kihyun smiles taking a deep breath thinking back at the days.

"Yes, and it was a heck of a journey."

"It was, damn." Kihyun finishes his drink, holding onto the empty glass.

"We should get drunk don't you think?"

"Seriously," Kihyun agrees. (but not really)

"Have you spoken to him already tonight?" Hyungwon asks stopping a waitress to take a glass of champagne from her trey.

"I was about to go near him actually, you came and the idea went poof." Kihyun watched Hoseok chat normally with two other people, about the film probably. And well, does he look sightly in his suit. Well-proportioned, fresh and clean with his hair perfectly did, in a way he's never seen him before.

God, his heart just.. swoons. He sees him all dream-like just like in the shortfilm, his surroundings muted and his heartbeat took over. Thumping in his ears, tickles in his chest.

"I'm such a cock-blocker ain't I?" Hyungwon spoke him out of his sparkly trance. Heartbeats muting to go back in chest. He snorts. "What cock. His cock is unavailable for men, so far I've noticed.. he's only being nice, as he is to everyone."

Hyungwon looks at him in confusion. "Go find out? You keep staring at him as if you know he'll like you the way you like him. Better find out now then later or else you will get hurt in the way he did. Don't put your hopes up too high."

"I know, but I don't think I can ask him yet, it'll give the wrong impression? He might think I'm insensetive by looking forward to the chance of dating him, or something." He quotes with his fingers.

Hyungwon let out a laugh. "Ha! Now you know how I felt. It's not that easy."

Kihyun pulls an uncomfortable face.

"You two really haven't spoken anymore huh?" Hyungwon stops a waiter now and snatched another type of glass from his trey to hand over to Kihyun.

"No I'm good, " he waves his hand in refusal. "I already drank something just now, you know I can't drink everything." But he took it still and handed the waiter his empty champagne glass. "Anyway, whatever," he shrugs while Hyungwon laughs at him going in for a sniff and taste test. Pulling a face and groans. "Oehff, this one is strong? I can tell I'm gonna be out soon."

"Okay!" Hyungwon clapped his hands once. "Back to topic, we'll need to sit and talk about what I owe you."

"Give me a gift card and I'll be happy."

"Noo~ You know I need my gift cards."

"You have 2! And you have money in cash."

"I need them, Ki~" Hyungwon sing songed.

"The giftbag of snacks then?"

"You can get a few."

"A few." Kihyun repeats with raised eyebrows. Unamused.

"Yeah because there's a lot of people to share it with. I can't give you all. The cash for sure you can have some out of it. If not for another dinner treat." he explains and Kihyun lowered his eyebrows. "Good enough," taking another sip of his strong drink that could be either whiskey or rum. He doesn't even know how they taste like really.

"Can I join you on the vacation then?" he then remembers the other awards.

"Aah now the vacation is actually for my mom."

Kihyun pouts. "Let me go with your mom."

They laughed and came to a decision of what Kihyun's getting. Empty handed itself he would be happy as long as it'll make his and Hoseok's relationship better. That's the price he was dying to win. Longing for it on a daily basis.

Rewatching the film wasn't as easy as Hoseok might portray. It was extremely tough to do but he was strong enough to keep himself from getting too emotional, there were too many people around and leaving will make some curious to where he went.

The place was stunningly decorated. It had an elegant theme to it, everyone was dressed to impress and so would Kihyuna have been in her red velvet dress. So simple, yet so, _so_ sexy. If she would still have said 'we'll see' for that serious dinner date, Hoseok would still have seen her dress prettily, today. It was one of those thoughts that stuck the longest with him, after today it will be gone, he promised himself. He can't keep hurting himself like this, he needs to move on. So instead of him moving forward, Kihyun did. His figure growing bigger and bigger, parting ways with Hyungwon who went to go talk to other people.

Perhaps the ones he promised to give a percentage of his awards to.

Kihyun leans on the stomach-leveled round table and let the music, the echo of chatting people and clinking glasses take over.

Although they talked, Hoseok cannot forgive him for the pain he has caused. Like a deep wound, the scar will always be visible, but he can't be mad at him forever, or can he? He sometimes wants to to punish the other, not giving the other what he probably wanted in the first place. Then again, he still feels her presence that made him carry that love-hate feeling. Therefor he doesn't have that much to say. The only punishment he deserves for now was his silent presence.

"So," Kihyun starts the conversation. "I was thinking about that day where I choked on a peanut and you saved my life."

Hoseok hums. The topic brought back memories that felt pleasant enough to lift some of the bad mood he's in. "..I shouldn't have."

Kihyun looks over a bit surprised but caught Hoseok fighting a giggle, slowly growing into a little laughter. Transitioning Kihyun's worried look to a worried smile. Hoping the smile he missed so much grows bigger and last for a lifetime.

"Watch your mouth.." he spoke lowly. "..who will save yours for when you choke one day? Me? Didn't think so." He emptied his glass to place it on the round table.

"Yup, you have yet to learn."

Kihyun glares at Hoseok who caught him to see a smile shine through.

"Just smile already, you look ridicules trying not to." Hoseok then said.

Kihyun let out a short breathy laugh. "You're really something."

"Am I?"

"Yeah."

Hoseok looks forward into the sea of chatting people. It's been a while since his mood genuinely lifted this much.

"What's on your mind?" Kihyun paused. "Spicy chicken?" and giggled.

Hoseok wanting to as well. "No?" he frowns meeting the set of eyes. "Are you hungry?"

Kihyun gasps inaudible like he hit the jackpot. "Well no, but," he sinks back in his previous posture to think. "Are you asking so we can get out of here for food?"

Hoseok shook his head. "Nice try." He sure wasn't shy to look him in the eye when noticing the other's behavior. "How are you going home after?" He eyed the empty glass on the table.

Kihyun blinks at the question. Oh wow, what is he suddenly getting at.. it felt secretive.

"Bus, train, car," he gave a few examples when the shorter one was taking a while.

"Oh eh, car." he looks a certain way. "Why?" Perhaps, a sneaky way, a naughty way. His tone turns flirty. "Want to take me home?"

"I didn't know you had a car?"

Kihyun clears his throat, lowkey annoyed he got ignored. "I don't," Maybe it was too soon.

"Who's car are you getting into like that?" Hoseok wonders looking down and up.

"Like what?" Kihyun looks down at his velvet-detailed outfit as well. Now he's really confused, is Hoseok hinting that he can't be getting in someone else's car looking this fine? Hm.. he hopes so, he's been feeling frisky these days.

"I'm asking because you said you can't drink much, yet you did." He hinted on the empty glass. Just by looking at the glass they served it in he can tell which beverage it was, and plus, Kihyun looks 101% sleepy.

"Ooh~" Kihyun now understood. "Don't worry about it, Hyungwon will take me home." he blinks slowly.

Hoseok can tell this is his drunk version talking knowing he drank more than just this single glass. He's been eyeing him.

*Kihyun's phone chimes*

"Oh that's him calling me," he guessed and pulls out his phone reading the correct name. "Knew it." he said and picked up. "Hellow?"

_"Yeah hey look I'm at the car already, I got offered the help to carry some boxes of food from the event and such. Where were you? I told you I'll be ready right after I finish talking to some people, I knew you'll take forever."_

"Whyy, now I have to- ugh, nevermind. I was still talking, I forgot." Kihyun glances up at that cute face. (Who was lowkey judging him.)

_"I should've brought you with me."_

"I'll be right over."

_"Hurry or else I'll leave and you'll have to stay with Hoseok~"_

"Oh noh, I wouldn't want that~" Kihyun spoke sarcasticly and finished it with a giggle before hanging up. It soon turns in a pout, blinking slowly when the alcohol reached its official stage of sleepiness. Magnets pulling at the thought of leaving. "Mh.." he moans effortless, eyeing the other. "..it's been nice talking to you again."

"Take care," Hoseok answers with a short nod.

Kihyun taps the table and brushed it off when walking away.

He passed familiar people going towards the clothing racks where they were able to hang their coats. At the beginning they've gotten a keychain with a numbered card on it to know which coat was theirs, so he hands the man working behind the counter his card. The man then searches for the matching number and picks his out together with his scarf, wishing him a good night.

Although exhausted, Kihyun left with a sweet smile to wrap his scarf around his neck and swung his coat over his shoulders, slipping his arms in the holes one by one to exit the warm place going into the cold winter snow, stopping at the door closing behind him.

"Why did Won have to park so far.." he spoke to himself and in hesitation he began walking in a fast pace. His surroundings were already dark since it was night time and awfully quiet to be pleasing to him. Snow crunching under his footsteps, blowing out smoke of cold air and with his hands in his pockets, holding onto his phone. Surrounded by skinny leafless trees covered in snow bedding and most areas were pitch black, like an entrance to a dark world. It could make him stare.

With the last crunch of footstep he felt the need to stop. He swore he heard people talking right before him but couldn't see them. The talking and laughter sound like people he prefers not to come face to face with.

Then heads of people appeared from under the steep road, it was indeed a group of people walking in his direction. They might not mean any harm but that was not in Kihyun's mind at this very moment. It's a group of young guys that reminds him of that day, triggering a fear inside of him enough for him to walk back to the location of the event. He took out his phone to unlock it while looking back once in a while. Feeling cornered even when alone. His fear sure did create even more frightening visuals that made him speed up his pace and eventually run. He's being targetted, he can feel them speeding up and talking about getting him before he goes further away.

He's getting closer to the doors and caught Hoseok right on time when he spots car keys in his hand to unlock his car.

"Hoseok... Hoseok!" He calls for him and came to a stop at the front of the vehicle.

Hoseok looks back at the panting Kihyun. "What happened?"

Kihyun never liked the idea of being this honest, it was a little too personal and embarressing even though Hoseok knows. So he came up with an excuse, just not being able to find Hyungwon's car and if he could keep him company to help him find it.

The haste made it easier for Hoseok to answer and offers him to drive there if it was too far. Kihyun nods getting in when it got unlocked and closes the door shut. His nerves caused his hands to tremble and his whole body felt weird again. Uncontrollable.

"Did anything happen along the way?" Hoseok have eyed him once in a while, he doesn't look like the same guy from 15 minutes ago.

"No, I'm just out of breath, and it's really cold." Kihyun informs him hugging himself warm as the car rolled forward. Pulling his uncomfortable scarf down slightly while the other spotted the similar troubled behavior. "Did you forget I know you?" Hoseok spoke but the other was too busy looking through the window, even lowering himself a bit in his seat when they pass a group of guys walking outside. Kihyun saw them innocently chatting and laughing, they don't seem like bad people.

"You there?" He tries again.

Kihyun looks over. "Sorry?"

He's so out of it, this poor guy. Hoseok can tell what might have happened so he then shook his head to nevermind it to look forward. Guilt rising back from the grave he had dug it in, just to hide it. The thought of his friends aiming for this boy who was linked to that persona he cared for wasn't as easy to ignore. Especially seeing still visable cuts and healing bruises on the boy's face and hands as reminder.

"There's Hyungwon's car." Kihyun interrups his occupied mind and points at the tall one standing outside waving. In a short moment, he glances down to the hand he had the urge to hold again which was on the gear, and back up to thank him verbally instead, exit the car and enter the other one.

Thinking back at the same moment weeks ago where she placed her hand on his for a quick moment before leaving the set. It was her first time doing it, receiving his hand right before she wanted to let go.

The night then continues quietly,

Thoughtfully,

Lonely, usually they'd text, so it was frustrating not to be able to do so like they're used to. There was no Kihyuna to shower with compliments, thinking she will be the one to spend Christmas with, a new year with, almost every week to every day.

Now there's just this Kihyun guy, a _man_ , a stranger, you could say. Shifting Hoseok's mindset completely, the change was too drastic and unexpected.

He looks quite different from her actually, but his personality is almost the same. Her eyes are still there, sharp, that turn soft and cute when surprised, her high cheekbones too that add some sort of elegance and fierceness that round up when smiling. Indent, when Hoseok was being extra funny; those dimples were always fun to see.

_**Hoseok:** _

_"I was wondering if you could be the judge and rate this, I made it at my uncle's place."_

The message buzzed Kihyun's phone that sat in his hand when he was watching a video after finishing his 3 PM meal. He had wanted desert afterwards but didn't have any. Now, he doesn't need any.

This was his desert.

He happily opens the image and it further rose the apples of his cheeks.

**_Hoseok:_ **

_**KH:** _   
_"It's cute!"_   
_"Very cool, I made one too last year. Found the idea on Pinterest."_

_**Hoseok:** _   
_"Thanks :]"_   
_"And thanks for calling me out :["_

_"Could have given me that moment before you ruined it."_

_**KH:** _   
_"🙈~~"_   
_"I'm sorry.."_   
_"I'll give you a 10/10!"_

_**Hoseok:** _   
_"Whatever man =("_   
_"Just to make me feel better."_

_**KH:** _   
_"I gotta start somewhere"_

_**Hoseok:** _   
_"😔"_   
_"I'm actually embarressed"_

_**KH:** _   
_"Don't be, you did great. Really"_

_**Hoseok:** _   
_"Ok. I believe you."_

A moment of silence.

_**KH:** _   
_"But I did better-"_   
_"😆🙈"_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"For fuck sake."_

_"I swear- 😂"_

_"😖"_

_**KH:** _

_"I'M SRy"_

_"No but you did amazing! honest rating: 8,3."_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"I have a hard time believing, look at yours, and iii get a 8,3? You did a a better job with the ribbon, and yours have soft noses."_

_**KH:** _

_"You telling me that mine's a a a 8,3?? 🤔🔪"_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"No, i- it's just way better than mine. An 8,3 isn't bad, chill."_

_"and stop that."_

_**KH:** _

_"Then hotseok shouldn't complain :3"_

_"I mean-"_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"👀"_

_**KH:** _

_"👀"_

**_Hoseok is typing..._ **

_**Hoseok:** _

_"Anyways, hows your day so far?"_

_**KH:** _

_"Heh, good, about to wash some dishes and get back in bed, or couch idk we'll see where I end up falling asleep."_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"Wash your mouth while you're at it."_

_**KH:** _

_"Yah.."_

_"Why so mean?"_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"Hotseok."_

_**KH:** _

_"😔"_

_"(I wasn't lying tho..)"_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"Stop being so lazy too."_

_**KH:** _

_"I'm not, I just have nothing to do today."_

_.... "Then let's do something, we could be watching a movie but you playing.."_

_"A movie doesn't sound so bad actually.. but we'll seee >~< ~~"_

_"You and your 'we'll sees' "...._

_**Hoseok:** _

_"Hmm.. okay."_

Kihyun blinks at his name, thinking about his usual answers, answers from the past. Dug deep into the ground, was he thinking about them too?

Maybe an actual desert does sound nice.

\---

Kihyun couldn't get over the days without that desert so he dropped his brand new drawing pencil on his half sketched page to go get him some. Yes, he went back to his sketching days.

The little bell rang when he walked in the shop and thankfully there were only 2 people in front of him in line. From afar he scans the display of sweets to mentally pick his out before-hand.

"It's like the universe wants me to talk to you in person!" Hyungwon surprised Kihyun.

"What sick idea do I have to do now?" Kihyun steps forward when another customer finished buying desert.

"No sick ideas," Hyungwon calms him. "I need a design and I want you to make it."

"Eh.. uhm, I'm so bad at it though.."

"Bad? Your first design looked good enough, all those classes you've been following must have made you an expert by now."

"Expert is a little too much for what I can do."

_"Next please~"_

Kihyun walks forward when it was his turn and asked for the last piece of strawberry cookie-crumble cake.

"I want an easy design, don't have to look like it took days. It's really important."

"That combination doesn't make any sense for a director that won recently; You want an easy design that doesn't look like it took days. Oh and it's important." he repeats counting on his fingers. "So let me go ask a beginner graphic designer." he added.

"That's why I won, I'm unique."

Kihyun paid for his cake and left the counter. "Who are you with?"

"No one, come, I already have a table." The tall one walks forward having the shorter one follow him.

"I've been longing for this for too many days." Kihyun digs in for a big bite. "It's only been like a day or two." He blew out air from his nose as a faint laugh.

"I wouldn't make it if it was me." Hyungwon took his cup of coffee he had ordered earlier and gave it the attention it needed. "So, the design,"

Kihyun grunts.

"Subtle Christmas theme, not too overpowering. I hate that. But do give it some hints of the holidays you know."

"You know what I hate?"

"What? No wait don't tell me--"

"-Persistant people." Kihyun cuts another piece of the cake.

Hyungwon laughs silently knowing he'd say that. "I imagine it having the colors white, green but not too much though, a little red, and gold and black as the main colors."

"The obvious."

"Yea but no, if you make the design the obvious it will be."

"Okay, but, I can't.."

"Oh come on, Ki."

Kihyun sighs loudly.

"You want the job or not? It's not like I won't pay well."

"I know you'll pay.."

"Well, what's stopping you??"

"I'll go try." Kihyun gave in.

"Thanks! I'll send you the message with what text I want in it attached!~"

\-----

**_KH:_ **

_"Hey."_

_"I need your help :S"_

_**Hoseok:** _   
_"?"_

_**KH:** _

_"I got this job to design a flyer for Hyungwon but as you know I'm not following any classes... could you help me make one?"_

**_Hoseok:_ **   
_"Does he not know you stopped going?"_

**_KH:_ **

_"He doesn't know what happened actually. If I tell him I stopped he'll want to know why. The thing is he won't listen if I won't tell, he's always so curious."_

_"And persistent, did I already mention that?"_

Hoseok squints his eyes at the information. It was enough to figure out some things.

_**Hoseok:** _

_"Heh, well, that's your friend."_

_"But okay, what is it you needed help with? I got some time."_

**_KH is typing..._ **

In the meantime, Hoseok stares at his name for long enough, it felt a little out of place.

_**Kihyun:** _   
_"I forgot to say, I was actually wondering if I could make it on your laptop. Mine isn't working a 100% anymore."_

**_Hoseok:_ **   
_"Ooh,"_   
_"You really have the luck don't you?"_

**_Kihyun:_ **   
_"Hah.. yep.. so much luck."_

**_Hoseok:_ **   
_"When did you have to hand the design over?"_

**_Kihyun:_ **   
_"He needs it next week, or 2, I'm not sure I need to ask. I didn't listen well because I didn't exactly plan on making it."_

**_Hoseok:_ **   
_"And when did you want to start?"_

**_Kihyun:_ **   
_"Whenever you can."_

The two have come to a decision later on through out the conversation, slowly but surely aligning the broken puzzle pieces. Kihyun isn't perfect but neither was Hoseok, so he forgave him to an extent.

From the given opportunity, they have decided on meeting up for the mini design course.

They sat in a warm place besides each other and Hoseok had let Kihyun work so far he knew while he guides him when he needed help. After some time he could feel the boy's frustration, so he couldn't just sit there waiting for him to ask for help while he himself scrolled through his phone to look for more videos to watch. Kihyun didn't want to bother him too much.

Hasn't he bothered him enough already?

Hoseok stores his phone for the following minutes to give the boy a proper lecture. Explaining which tools to use, some important keyboard shortcuts and how to properly save his work. And to do so every now and then since the program tends to shut down.

Despite all the heartbreaking things that have happened, Kihyun was thankful to him. If Hoseok was a dick, he would have struggled so much more in life. He truly thinks he doesn't deserve this treatment. Why is he so nice to everyone like this? Why to _him?_ He could even think it might be planned, but Hoseok would never.

It got a little late so they left the work halfway done to finish another time and went for a walk in the streets and visit the cities. Crunching snow under their footsteps in company of ongoing conversations.

"The idea of that tree is so cool, I wanna go make one too.." Kihyun said sadly from where they walked. Thinking about the areas of his home where it would fit nicely and wondering with what color Christmas ornaments he could decorate it with, till a unexpected question popped out of nowhere.

"Want to go make it?"

Kihyun came to a stop. "Wait really?" That came way sooner than expected. Why would Hoseok ever want to invite someone like him to his house? All this talking really brought them closer after all, he can now really feel it.

"Yeah I mean that was one thing on my To-Do list. You can help me, if you don't mind the time. I helped you you help me."

Screw the time, it can get lost.

Kihyun screams internally at the thought of going to HOSEOK'S house, he already feels warm and tingly inside. It's like a dream come true. Oh gosh the excitement couldn't stay hidden. He stretched his arm out of his sleeve to check his watch.

"-It's almost 6, needed to be somewhere?" Hoseok said before him and the other shook his head.

"But, you'll take me home after right?"

Hoseok clicked his tongue. "That shouldn't even be a question."

"Let's go then!" Kihyun cheers and clings onto him, linking his arm with his.

"Ah ah! Easy now~"

"I'm so excited!" Kihyun lets go of him to make two tiny fists and followed the smiling Hoseok rewalking the snowy path from before, heading towards the car, placing his laptop case in the back while Kihyun clicks his seat belt on with smiling eyes.

Oh yeah, his dimples were still fun to see.

In about half an hour they arrived at the destination. The slower the car came to a stop the faster Kihyun's heart beats. A little nervous too he can't lie, afraid he might fuck it up and ruin the night with something unthoughtful. He should have bought a mint candy or gum to fix his breath, he's not sure if it's even smelly though but better safe than sorry.

"You're suddenly so quiet, you were talking non-stop just now." Hoseok spoke when they walked into the dark apartment.

"You just love picking up everything I do don't you." Kihyun stood in the narrow hallway with the other who he had his back facing him to lock the door.

"Just a minute." he was looking for the keyhole.

The rattling keys could give Kihyun goosebumps. He gulps in dry when his heart started racing again. The darkness was a canvas for his imaginations to be painted on. Hoping, for a little attention.

Hoping Hoseok will turn and walk up to him, but have him standing closer than expected so he can easily find him in the dark. This is the perfect opportunity and it can't be more obvious. He's clearly contemplating, he's giving in; who tries to find the keyhole in the dark?!

Kihyun was eager to be held the way he did, given the chills, he's eager to be kissed like--

The lights then clicked on. Helping them take off their shoes and coats and see where to neatly put them.

Grr.. next time better luck. He's at his place, he made it this far so he's not gonna be too upset about it.

"Have a seat if you like, I'll go grab what we need." Hoseok's subtle footsteps were heard going towards the box of decorations. In the meantime awaiting eyes scan its surrounding, from up to down and side to side until Hoseok's excited figure was back again. He enjoys his view and like a toddler receiving a box with toys he brought himself down to sit next to it. "Should we start right away?" Sitting on his ankles.

"I've been thinking either here at this wall, or in this corner." Hoseok who was still on his feet pointed at the areas, hand on hip. "Help me decide."

Kihyun held his bottom lip to think and they both agreed with the wall.

They began picking out the decor and make something beautiful out of it. Getting creative along the way, brainstorming along the way, teasing along the way, and kissing along the way.

Oh yes.

Kissing Christmas ornaments.

"Mhua, please display prettily so we'll win okay? Thanks byee~" Kihyun pretended to smooch it for encouragement before hanging it up between the others.

There's a competition going on. The award? Well, nothing.

Hoseok puckered his lips as well making a loud and exaggerated smooch sound. "You know what to do~" he points at it before hanging it up hearing the other cackle besides him.

"Ow I should have put a newspaper down or something," Hoseok said noticing his messy floor. "There's glitter everywhere." He looked down into a distracting glitter that stuck on his bottom lashes.

"You can wipe it clean with a wet kitchen towel." Kihyun spoke hanging up another ornament. "Or vacuum."

"Eh-"

"Should I hang this one up as well? It's not in the best shape though.." he examines it.

"Errgh, damn it. Hold on."

"-oh I can turn it, the other side looks way better." Kihyun looks over watching the other bend forward holding his eye and in a hurry he walks towards the bathroom, sink water running. "What happened?" he got up while dusting his hands clean to go have a look.

"There's glitter in my eye, aaah it stings!" Hoseok's voice sounded from the open bathroom door.

"Stop rubbing it like that, let me see if I can help." he offers and Hoseok found the tap to close and the hand towel to dry his face with. Kihyun gave his hands a quick wash and by Hoseok's jawline he guides his face where he could see to reach better.

"Open up, I don't have all day." Kihyun jokes knowing he was clearly struggling to do so.

And he got slapped on the arm. "Ow! I'm kidding~" Kihyun then goes ahead to help the teary Hoseok out when his eyes opened, looking up while the other had found the glitter irritating the eye.

"Don't move back." He spoke softly and Hoseok automatically held onto his arms when the glitter got fished out successfully. Blinking and feeling so much better. His eyes were red and puffy and he sniffs his runny nose, then suddenly but playfully pushing Kihyun. "Don't have all day what." And walks up to him in a threatening way, rising his chest bigger then it already was.

Kihyun squeels backing up. "Yah," he stops, widening his eyes. "Go wash your mouth who?"

"When did I say that?" Hoseok froze looking guilty but in denial.

"Now you don't remember huh?"

Hoseok chuckles. "Wanna have a drink?"

"Thought you'd leave me thirsty for the night." He follows him.

"You could've asked, you know." He said and he handed the glass of water Kihyun asked for while he poured orange juice for himself, half a glass was enough when he wasn't that thirsty.

That thoughtful type of quiet then took over, where stares could be felt, where it suddenly feels too risky too look.

"Go ahead," Kihyun took the risk, catching the eyes of the other a second early. "Tell me." he was fishing for those hidden compliments.

Hoseok inhales in thought, taking the time to answer. "Nothing too important."

Kihyun groans lowly. "You know I'm dying to know." He said honestly. "How are you even doing it.."

Then he remembered, Hoseok's probably not even _interested_ _._ He's only being nice. But is he really just being _nice_? Why was it so hard to read? Those eyes are overly curious, and lowkey checking the other out. The way he finds him looking once made him feel like he's looking all the time, like a walking art display in a museum, not allowed to be touched although the urge is felt.

Many times Kihyun tried to be close to him, giving him, or just for himself, that opportunity. Luckily he found one himself; it was blinking at him from Hoseok's lips. So he reached out to rub the glitter away. Although Hoseok let him, he became stiff and was eyeing away, making Kihyun feel rejected who was still trying to remove that stubborn glitter ..while looking for more to remove. He wants to stay close, he misses it.

'Cause God, those lips once again, his heart went crazy. The shape, the color and softness. The lighting falling over it just compliments him as a whole. It made him give his own a lick, preparing for that hopeful kiss.. will he feel them tonight?

From his eyesight, he saw the whites of those eyes turn darker; Hoseok was looking at him. But he chose not to acknowledge it just yet. Is this finally it? Can they finally kiss without it having to ruin lives?

Unfortunately, it was only to remove the busy hand. "Leave it, I'll clean my face later." He gave a twitch of a smile. Maybe Kihyun was right, he's probably only staring so much to find Kihyuna. Once again, just overthinking.

But Hoseok hasn't let go of his hand yet though. He was looking down at it, meter of hope slowly rising.

"Sorry, I only.. want to look."

"It's okay." Kihyun spoke in understanding while his hand got all of the attention, barely felt though, not wanting to do be too sensual maybe. Kihyun really did make a huge mistake, Hoseok's quite damaged.

Her hands are as soft, looks the same, the only difference was that hers were clothed and his weren't. No pretty bracelets and dainty rings complimenting it.

But that was okay, his hands are as appealing.

Hoseok blinked a few times, taking a deep breath giving it one last squeeze and wobbles it playfully looking up with a pulled smile at the boy who drank from his glass of water. Making him smile too.

Kihyun had gotten his hand back and with puffed, water-filled cheeks he reached out to place the empty glass on the kitchen counter. Time to finish decorating.

Swallowing the water down through the wrong pipe and coughing instantly.

"Oh! Oh my-" Hoseok was surprised but had to hold the laughter.

*wheezing and coughing sounds*

"Why do you keep choking on stuff?" He fails and laughs out loud patting the coughing boy's back.

"Oh my God-" Kihyun held his throat gasping to cough again. "I got flashbacks-"

"Be careful please." He rubs his back.

"Ahh." He moans groggily, calming down. "I'm okay, I'm okay. Wahh."

*coughing still*

It was the sweater he loved seeing on Kihyuna so much, telling her to wear it often.

"You look nice today." Hoseok compliments, removing his hand.

"I'm always nice."

"You know what I mean."

"Ah.." Kihyun grew a smile, pretty quick too. "Me?" He coughs in tiny.

"It suits you." Kihyun looked great and he had to let him know. He'll usually tell his friends that when they look nicely dressed.

"Hey," Hoseok got an idea. "I have yet to teach you something, are you down to learn?"

"Producing music?" Kihyun got excited.

"Guess again."

Kihyun glances down, blinking, thinking, winking. "Design?"

"It's about what happened to you just now." Hoseok hinted and Kihyun gradually understood, getting a bit tense and giggly about getting to learn the Heimlich Maneuver.

Hoseok behind him? Oh my gosh, he already feels ticklish.

"Well first off," Hoseok positions his hands against his own stomach and Kihyun sunk a little. "You place your fist here," he poked the area and made a fist and a flat hand wrapped over it.

"Hmmm.." Kihyun hums as if he doesn't know that. Get to the fun part; Practice.

Hoseok then suddenly walks up and Kihyun _almost_ scooted away in surprise. "Let me show you real quick." Maybe having him so close was too intimate for the amount of shyness he suddenly grew. He stood back facing towards Kihyun and slips both his arms under his own to position the hands right onto a sleeping muscle. "Make a fist,"

Kihyun hums, smiling sneakingly behind his broad back.

"And with the other hand over it, you push in and up, in here." He pushes the fist and flat hand at the right areas.

So far everything about Hoseok fits so much to his liking, he smelled amazing from far but better this close. His hands were then abandoned and free to practice ( **explore** ) on their own but they got more curious than anything. "Here ?" So with an unnecessary flat, hand he placed it at the area.

"Up." Hoseok got a little goosebumps moment when that hand purposely stroked gently against his ripped tummy instead of just using a finger to navigate itself.

"Or down?"

Hoseok had to smile. "Up!"

"I'm getting confused, I suddenly don't know what up or down means.." and bumped into something that poked further out. "Ohh?..." he had the urge to squeeze his Chest that was surprisingly toned-

Hoseok rapidly went to hold onto the exploring hand that accidentally reached a nipple. "Ok! That's enough~"

"I'll stop I'll stop~" Kihyun said quickly and kept his hands wrapped around his waist, hugging onto his warm form. "Can I uhm, hug you?" He asks shyly. "A little.."

"Aren't you already?"

"Yeah well, but.." His smile decreased thinking to never be able to hug Hoseok like this again. His warmth might never be felt again. He, might never be his, again. All of him, and all of what they had might never turn into something. All the joking and teasing were all fun and all, but the truth itself wasn't out yet. He's terrified to lose him again. As if he's in denial of the truth he already knows.

"Make it quick~" Hoseok waits patiently in his embrace. Kihyun asked for a while, a while is the least he can do.

"...I miss you." Kihyun admits not thinking about anything. His lust and playfulness took a turn in a blink of an eye. He feels his throat close at these stupid thoughts ruining a playful moment. He hugs him tighter, digging his face between his shoulder blades. He will forever remember his smell. He didn't think about the possibilities, not knowing if Hoseok will hate him for doing this in his home. Pushing him aside in annoyance and disgust and making him take the bus home instead in this time of night. He wouldn't want that, but he's gone too emotionally sad to care.

Hoseok held onto the arms around his waist and tapped them caringly when he heard some sniffs behind him, hot air hitting his back through the fabric and a trembling body. It made his own happiness step aside for sadness to take the spotlight.

"I hate myself-" Kihyun forces his words out. He could sob.

And Hoseok blew out some air. "There's no need to talk like that," he stops caressing, looking sideways. There really wasn't. They've been talking positively towards each other for long enough, they've forgotten the weight of the heaviest burden. There was no deep hate lingering anymore.

They're aligning. Right? Or was there a big piece missing?

Hoseok made himself turn and Kihyun have let go of him, drying his face quickly.

"No need to hide the fact that you cried, my back is all drenched." Hoseok hinted a joke but didn't get any response. Not a giggle, not a glance.

"Okay?" He wonders.

Kihyun shrugs. "I think so."

Hoseok was hurt. "Hey.." he calls and Kihyun glances up with a sniff following up. "Come here man.." he waves him over faintly.

Kihyun walks into those open arms that wrapped around his back. Man, does he feel so warm and safe. Like he entered the heavens, calm and peaceful. The way he got hugged felt so reassuring and loving, reminds him how his mother hugs him to sleep when he was younger. A door to another world, a happier world.

"I miss it too."

 _It_.

"Can't we go back?" Kihyun prays for that one answer although he was _so_ nervous for it.

Hoseok looked down, making Kihyun back up a little to meet his eyes. Go back? Him with him? He sighs deeply embracing the boy again.

"That.. that's.." Hoseok stutters.

Oh no, please no.

"Are you, uhm.. are you even interested in guys, too?" The shorter one leans back looking at him again.

"Ah.. I.." Hoseok seems a little uncomfortable.

And Kihyun feels himself feel sick and broken. Knees turning weak. His hopes were up too high and he was ready to let the man's body go. Hoseok probably only hugged him to comfort him, and that only.

But the truth was that Hoseok hasn't been fully confident talking about the topic just yet. "I do," he answers shyly.

Kihyun visibly relaxed.

"I like men too, yes.." he adds.

He could _**SCREAM,**_ but silently went to hug him instead (trying not to squeeze him), in happiness and relief. He really is such a lucky boy. What in the world is going on?

This explains everything.

"We've hugged for too long now." Hoseok clears his throat and the other moved back, drying his sweaty palms on his thighs.

\------

Hoseok does another repetition, lifting the dumbbell to train his biceps while having ringing earplugs in his ears; Kihyun wasn't picking up because he had just arrived the gym.

"Hey you started without me." Kihyun walked over placing his towel and protein shake aside to join.

"You're 30 minutes late." Hoseok grunts, he had continued till he reached his limit and placed the dumbbell down with a groan.

"Sorry, sir." Kihyun picked up a dumbbell with the preferred weight. "How many you recommend?"

"3x 30, since you're late." Hoseok looks over at him in his sleeveless shirt and training pants.

"Easy,"

"Using mine." He picks them up from where they were stored to hand them over watching the other take it, going a bit down with it.

How cute.

"Not that much of a difference." Kihyun groans at the weight and began lifting both dumbbells one by one.

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5," Hoseok counted for him. "6, 7, 8, 9, 10, oh wow you actually made it to 10."

Kihyun shook his head and continues counting when he stopped. "15! 16, 17, 18, ah! easy!" He forced the rest.

Hoseok had secretly grabbed the dumbbell heavier than his own. He had an amused grin plastered on his face watching the other pull cute expressions.

"25!" Kihyun groans. "Ah wait," he lowers both dumbbells. "This is embarrassing." He hoped for no one to see.

"You can't be lifting the same weights as me, look at me." Hoseok shows off his angry biceps.

"But I did, and look at me." He puts one bell down to show off his own. Nothing compared to Hoseoks', but still sexy though.

"Only 25, I do way more." He argues playfully.

"Yea I know but hold on, I'm not done yet, my left arm got tired." He pants a bit.

Oh he was so done. But to continue he needed to regain some strength. While he admired how strong Hoseok was now that he knows which weights he lifts.

"Use both hands next time, you have to switch it up once in a while."

Kihyun didn't get the joke this time. "What are you talking about? Silly. I was using both."

"I mean next time you jerk off."

Kihyun's jaw dropped, holding in a burst of laughter. "We're in public, couldn't you wait until we're messaging?"

"Also, it'll lean more on one side if you don't-"

"Hey!" Kihyun calls out while glancing around the gym. "I- I can't continue on like this." He placed the other dumbbell down unable to hide his grin. Hoseok took his strength away.

"You're not finished. 5 more." Hoseok picks the dumbbells back up and handed them over again. When he did, the other finally got a good look at it to notice a higher number.

"Wait a minute!" he tilts his head to see it better but Hoseok quickly hid it, looking guilty.

"You little shit." Kihyun pretends to hit him when he found out he got pranked. "I'll snap you in half."

"Oh I believe you." He snorts. "After lifting those weights, now you can."

"And all this time I thought you were strong."

"I am." he looked offended.

"Not." Kihyun finished his sentence and Hoseok came for him, looking around for a weapon first. "Hold on."

"What are you gonna do?" he backed away but Hoseok already got to him, lifting him up in a tight hug. Squeezing a groan out of him.

And like that, the two continued teasing the shit out of each other through out their gym session. Helping each other while having fun. There were barely any boundaries as they've played around in every topic possible, verbally. Little by little, going physical.

Not just at the gym, everywhere they went, alone and together. Their broken relationship flourished in an unique type of way, it might be crooked but it was becoming beautiful. Like a fallen flowerpot, glued and reused, growing out vibrant leafs and colorful flowers from the top and through every crack of the pot.

The two entered a home; Hoseok's place. Rattling keys finding keyhole while the other waited patiently in the dark, but,

Hoseok swore he heard something, he gasps carefully. "Kihyun?"

"Hm?"

"Was that you?" he turns after locking the door.

Pitch black,

"Was I what?" Kihyun became alert but made himself small and turns to look inside, or tried.

And eerie.

"Did you make that noise?" Hoseok whispers, sounding worried, holding onto the others arm.

"Stop it!" The shorter one feels goosebumps grow and panic knock on his door, and Hoseok seeming to be a scaredy-cat isn't helping.

"There's someone in here-"

"Hoseok turn the lights on then!?" Kihyun pressed himself onto him.

"Oh shit- Kihyun I-!" He panics to panic the other.

"Open the door open the door!" Kihyun cries, turning the knob with one hand while the other firmly held onto the other's coat.

Hoseok then flicked the lights on to see the frightened boy looking around to what had happened to the lights and back to him who was _laughing_...

"I got you!-" he covers his mouth. "I got you so good!"

Kihyun stares in disbelief. Heart still racing in fear and annoyance. Hoseok stood up straight after laughing for long enough, giggling still, and held onto those cheeks to make it up to him. "I'm sorry," he said cutely. "Bebe..?"

"Oh, 'bebe'?" Kihyun quietly undid his coat while he glared. "I wish I could just leave, you know?"

"Noo~"

They walk further in and continue with the original plan. Hours later had brought them in Hoseok's mini studio. Just a small room specially organized for projects. His laptop, speakers, and keyboard to make instrumentals with, a whole set-up.

It wasn't the first time Kihyun saw his studio, he's been here before and got a mini tour of his work. Today they messed around in the program till they clicked out of it out and into the movie folder, talking about the ones that caught their attention. While going through it, they seem to like some the same ones. Having the same taste.

They then switched over to YouTube and randomly came across a pink panther video. For fun, they silently agreed on watching it as they've been watching it mouth shut for an hour. Hoseok sitting on his over-used desk chair he hasn't completely thrown away yet (it was stored away) so Kihyun could sit on the new one he purchased. Both in front of the screen comfortably sitting besides each other, Kihyun leaning forward on the arm chair while Hoseok leaned back.

His eyes land on the boy in the front going down to his arm and went to squeeze his skin, smiling when it tickled the other. "Are you growing out your hair?" Hoseok remembers to ask when looking back up.

"No, I'll go cut it tomorrow." Kihyun spoke glancing back for a moment. Hoseok was still touching the back of his arm. "I have the appointment at 2." He abandoned the pink panther film to give the attention seeker the attention it was seeking for. He was way more interesting, so.

Hoseok sat up straight to fulfill his urge to play with his hair. It was as soft as it looked, shiny and flows easily. He didn't have any product in it today. The softness made him play with it longer than he usually would have as the other times was just a quick fix of a lock.

He brushed his fingers through it with a smile, it feels satisfying and that counted for the other as well. And plus, Kihyun couldn't look even more attractive.

Still very doll-like.

"It's nice to be here again." Kihyun missed this place even though he came here often enough. The other times were fun but not like today. Today there were goosebumps involved, weird tingles, a strong tension seeking for attention.

Hoseok stops playing with his hair, and Kihyun looks back forward to hide when those eyes were sending subtle messages.

A rush of excitement overcame him, having him lean back into his body for a snuggle. It's the longest they've snuggled and he didn't plan on leaving just yet. In fact, he got a little more comfortable although it was tricky with the arm chairs and all. Now getting wrapped by an arm over his shoulder. Hoseok rubs his hand up and down his arm while they continued watching pink panther.

Although the film was semi-interesting, the attention had split in two when the hand had something to say to his body. It was getting distracting and ticklish when it stepped down to the ribs. Kihyun blinks in concentration, listening carefully and contemplating whether to stop his naughty hand getting only more naughtier.

I took a squeezed to the loose skin that made the other squeek and stop him, holding onto the hand with a small smile. "I'm uncomfortable." he filled the semi-silent room, replacing his own hand from the arm chair to the ripped tummy.

"Want to switch to somewhere more comfortable?"

"Your lap?" Kihyun made Hoseok giggle.

"The floor."

"Mm, your lap."

Hoseok felt the need to stretch and squirms under him, almost shivering when they thought alike. Blowing air out of his nose. Kihyun sat up to roll his chair back to align with the one next to him. His smile was contagious.

"Hotseok,"

"Yes, pretty sewer rat?"

"I'm just gonna ignore that."

"Yes, Kihyun? Pretty doll." He corrected even though Kihyun found it funny. Now he blushed, pressing his lips together.

"I've never seen such a beautiful boy this close before,"

"Ah~" Kihyun squeels shyly looking away.

"Too bad I don't date boys."

"Euh?"

"I said I also date 'men', not boys." Hoseok snorts.

Kihyun clicked his tongue. "Fuck off.." and sat looking back forward.

"Ey-," Hoseok jerks forward seeing the other's apples of his cheeks rise up. "Go wash your mouth in the bathroom." he points at the door. "No cursing in this ffucking house hold~"

With a sneaky smile, Kihyun sunk in his chair to show he's not going anywhere, crossing his legs with it and continued watching the video until Hoseok stood up to turn the newer chair around for Kihyun to face him. Looking up while slipping down to escape.

"It better be the bathroom you're going to." he stops him by his waist.

"Fuhuuck~" Kihyun triggers the other.

"Hey!" Hoseok tickled him hard and laughed with the protesting boy. He thoroughly enjoyed the faces he'd pull and yelps he let out.

"OKAY." Kihyun screams when it got too much to handle. Hoseok then let go of the weak body trying not to fall to the ground.

"Don't," Kihyun fixed his position. " _Fucking_ ,"

Hoseok's jaw dropped.

"Touch, me!-" He finished. "AH!" He then screams when Hoseok successfully buried his face in his neck, him just laughing in his neck was enough to tickle him. Failing to clamp the area closed on time and almost lost the ability to breathe when the sensation electrified his system. Hoseok's strength was unable to beat no matter how much or how hard he fought it. It became so much he even grabbed a hand full of hair to pull. (Thankfully not to go bald though.)

The moment was short but effective.

Through his harsh groans and yelps of laughter, Hoseok playfully threatened him with "What did you just say? Hm? Say it again, hm? I dare you." And pulled his body against his, giving Kihyun the opportunity the protect his neck while he was still sensitive.

"No more no more." Kihyun had his eyes closed, his bangs was messily parted but extremely cute and he looked so out of it.

Hoseok held him close with one hand while the other fixed his hair. "Aww,"

"Ah.. fuck.." Kihyun accidentally cursed again. "Ah wait- no that wasn't on purpose."

Hoseok couldn't resist, the urge was great so he left a kiss on the lips inches before him. Kihyun's eyes shifts around his face, on the edge of blushing but because the eyes were still on his lips he couldn't because he got kissed again, blushing faintly through it till the kiss deepens. It happened pretty quickly, fading smiles and turning play-mode off when lust overpowered it within that 10 seconds that turned into the longest 5 minutes. Making-out, hungrily, when their bodies overheat to an unexpected point.

"Hah," Kihyun looks down to take the much needed break but Hoseok had picked his lips back up with his own to continue for a long and unforgettable, _heated_ midnight...

"Give it to me, Hoseok."  
"No, wait a little more. Trust me, it'll be worth it."  
"Put it in already~" Kihyun whines. "I can't wait any longer." He moans lowly holding onto his belly.

"Hold on, give it another minute. -a! Ow~" Hoseok hissed and sucked his finger when accidentally burning it on the heated pot on the stove.

They went cooking.

"Hand it over," Kihyun ignores the tiny accident to grab the ramyeon packaging from him and dumped it in the boiling water. Seasoning packaging and all...

"Look what you've done."

Guilty, Kihyun quietly fished the seasoning pack out with a spoon. "Look what You've done." He chuckles.

"Excuse me so I can add this to make it spicy." Hoseok had a red pepper and a knife in his hands.

Kihyun shook his head. "But I don't like too much spicy food, you know this."

"It's literally a dash, it needs it."

"It _don'ts._ "

Hoseok snorts at his funny doll. "Fine, I'll add it in mine later."

\------

The two love-birds had a delicious meal at the well known restaurant; Hamkke Restaurant. It was nice to finally come here together and taste these dishes again.

"You also wanted another drink right?" Kihyun remembers to ask, preparing to get up. They could have ordered staying seated but they've been there for a while and needed to stretch a leg.

"Yes, bebe."

He then left while Hoseok continues to fight with his spicy chicken to order more drinks and have a quick restroom visit while he's at it. The youngster stood at the bar, looking up at the menu while he waited for his turn. Watching the most handsome one seated further away at the table eating his chicken.

He's feeling lovey-dovey, great in his skin and his stomach is filled so he's more than happy. Taking out his phone to snap another picture for today to send him later with appreciated compliments attached.

_"Can I help you?"_

Kihyun locks his phone while he lowered it at the voice of the bartender. "Yes, can I have two more drinks?"

"Alright, just a minute."

"I'll be right back, restrooms." Kihyun points while he walked and the bartender nods friendly.

He then walks off to reach the mens restrooms,

_"Hey you,"_

a voice slowing him down right before he could touch the door. He turns looking behind the short wall he had passed, looking up at a person approaching him already being close, and steps back with a frown. "What the- Can you back off?" He got upset at this stranger approaching him in such a rude manner who walks him in the restrooms.

Was he seriously gonna get robbed in a restaurant's restroom? Hell no. He's not going to get assaulted again. He isn't a person to get physically aggressive but situations changed him, so he pushed him aside, ready to swing if he needed to but the stranger held himself firm.

"You don't remember me do you?" The stranger kept himself in the way, pushing the arms away. Kihyun eyed him closely, vague memories gradually appearing and clearing up like a dead corpse drifting up from murky water; It was one of the two 'new friends' and he feels himself get weak while his heart would race out of his chest if it could.

"That's right."

"What do you want from me?" Kihyun asks after remembering to breathe again.

"I want you to stop following You Know Who around, you freak."

"I'm not following anyone, leave me alone."

"You have the guts, didn't we teach you a lesson? Or do you need more? The others don't needa be here for that, I can teach you a quick one right here before someone walks in."

"What's wrong with you people?! I said leave me alone. I didn't do anything."

"I saw you taking pictures of him you idiot, you still aren't over him huh?" He clenched his fist. "You really are a stubborn one."

"I'm not stalking him, I'm With him!" Kihyun glanced down at those fists.

"With him? Go lie to your fucking mother."

"I mean it! If you don't believe me then go ask him. Please."

The guy frowns. "What?"

"Yes what, aren't you his friend? Supposedly. Haven't you spoken to him these days?"

"We don't need to talk everyday."

"Well you should, you could've hurt me for nothing just now.-"

A person decides to walk in abruptly putting the conversation on hold. The two eyed each other and watching the 3rd person go do his thing, giving Kihyun the opportunity to slip away having the fake friend right behind him, failing to snatch him back. Having no choice but to pretend nothing had happened with a curse leaving under his breath.

He peeks before walking out the restrooms completely, scanning his surroundings and found the escaped one in the blue shirt joining Hoseok. By the looks of it he seems to have told the truth. He gulps in dry watching the two have a meal, doing something he himself never got to do with Hoseok, at least not in public. Imagining, is all he could do. But he was sick and tired of doing so, tired of being the secret, he needed to step up his game and be more straight-forward if he really wanted something. If he really wanted Someone.

He left his spot to take the one in front of their table. The two seems to be in a small discussion, one of them looking as tense as before for when he approached them.

Hoseok looked up at the figure that was surprisingly a friend, delayed greeting finally getting out there for it to be received.

There was something even more concerning going on to Kihyun, he can feel the awkwardness and tension between the two.

"I've waited for years, and he got it in months?" The friend spoke, sounding alarmingly upset.

Hoseok's forced smile faded, not exactly knowing what to tell him so he won't make a scene in this restaurant.

In front of Kihyun.

"C-can we talk about this later?" Hoseok stated the obvious, eyeing the table, he seriously can't be acting like this right now.

"That's what you always say but you call whenever you feel like it."

"Which I have the right to do." Hoseok spoke lowly but feeling frustrated, it was heard in his tone, seen in his body language. He placed his utensils down shaking his leg, nervousness hitting him when he didn't expect his friend to behave like this in public.

The friend reacted disappointing. "Fucking hell, you're such a fucking liar."

"Changkyun I will call." Hoseok's tone turns strict due to anger. "Can you please leave? You're being rude."

"Does it look like I give a shit?" Changkyun was on the edge, a little more and he might explode.

Kihyun might not completely understand it all, but it felt far from nice. Heartbreak adds to his concern when it looked like these two haven't handled something very personal in the past and it made him silently and subtly prepare to leave, scanning the table to make sure he's ready to get up and leave nothing behind.

"No, Kihyun." Hoseok stops him before he got up and stood up himself. "Please wait for me." And left wearing his coat to finish talking to Changkyun outside.

Kihyun's eyes follow the two till they were gone. Feeling more alone than just being alone, he stares down at his half empty plate after glancing his surroundings. Looking at his watered down coke when the ice-cubes drift too long in the glass. Hoseok took the drinks for him at the bar. He plays with his food remembering their words and took a small bite, chewing it slowly. It might taste good still, but it wasn't as satisfying like before. He wishes to call Hyungwon but he prefers to wait it out. Maybe Hoseok will return in a minute, he thought, but he's been waiting for half an hour already. He doesn't think he can finish eating it all, his happiness was pushed aside.

\-------

**_Kihyun:_ **

_"Didn't want to talk about it in the car but the silence is bothering me and I can't wait any longer for an explanation. Please be honest with me... What's going on?"_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"=/"  
_

_"He's someone I had a thing with when we were younger.. I wasn't out still. Sorry about what happened.."_

_**Kihyun:**  
_

_"Why did he do all that?"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"He's always been like this, sorta. We have nothing going on yet he still thinks we do, or wants to, he keeps contacting me even when I try to ignore him."_

_**Kihyun:** _

_"What the heck... Block him?"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"I can't just block him.."_

_**Kihyun:** _

_"Uhm, yes you can.."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"He's still a friend, he just has these moments where he exaggerate shit. And that was one of those days."_

_**Kihyun:** _

_"Why would you still be friends with someone like him? He embarrassed you, Us, and in public over something that isn't even real. So far I know."_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"You don't believe me?"_

_**Kihyun:** _

_"All I'm saying is that he acted like whatever happened was recent. I don't know what to believe."_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"He's just jealous."_

_**Kihyun:  
** _

_"Jealous over what? If it was something from years ago, why would he behave like that? Can you be honest with me?"_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"Now you think I'm lying too?"_

_"If you don't believe me, let's just screw this conversation then."_

_**Kihyun:** _

_"I just need honest answers, Hoseok."_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"He's exaggerating it. We had a thing, didn't make it till I came out. Meanwhile he basically wanted to force me out, I wasn't having it although I still really liked him. Anyway I got over him but we kept going on and off. Happy now?"_

_**Kihyun:** _

_"So you're telling me you're still going on and off."_

_"Wow"  
_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"Noo.."_

_**Kihyun:** _

_"Yes, that's exactly what I understood"_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"That's not what I meant."_

_**Kihyun:** _

_"You two are still talking and not officially ending the relationship. No wonder he was so upset."_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"Jesus."_

_**Kihyun:** _

_"How did I not notice anything strange?"_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"Because there is nothing 'strange' going on."_

_**Kihyun:** _

_"Yeah not where I am."_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"Are we seriously arguing again? I told you what the deal is so it's up to you if you want to ruin this night. Have it your way, Kihyun."_

_"Fuck"  
_

_**Kihyun:** _

_"There's no need to react like that."_

_**Hoseok:** _

_"There is! The last thing on my mind is to argue with you, we could pass time doing something nice but you're here doing all of this. I swear, I wouldn't hurt you like that."_

Kihyun didn't want to keep arguing so he stays silent, keeping words to himself or it might cause a bigger discussion. He knows Hoseok for long enough to know his ways, so he thinks he can trust him enough to stay calm.

\---

Kihyun had his phone snug between his shoulder and cheek, talking to his friend.

_"I love every part of the design, Ki. Amazing work, very creative. I might even fire the designers I already know."_

"Noo, don't do that~"

 _"Haha, okay okay."_ Hyungwon paused. " _Congrats on you and Hoseok, you should share some of that luck you walk around with."_

"I shower in lucky charms." Kihyun giggled.

_"Now you two can enjoy a nice vacation since my mom canceled."_

Kihyun gasps. "Really?! Yes! I'm so happy Won, it sure will take a load of stress off my chest."

_"Load on your chest?? What? Wow you two will be getting right to it huh?"_

"Oh shut up, you know damn well what I said." He heard the other laugh on the other side.

_"I'll come give you the tickets... you're taking classes today right?"_

"Uhh," Kihyun checks the time, he's suppose to be taking them right now. "Yeah, I- I'm in class."

_"Wasn't it nr 24? Or 42?"_

Kihyun froze, mouthing. "Uhm. We're taking breaks right now actually, class will be over in like an hour orso too, so.. maybe it's best we meet up at home."

 _"Doesn't it end 3:30? That's in a couple of minutes. I prefer to wait because I have this firework show to go with someone who does wanna go with me."_ Hyungwon pauses with the silence. _"Since you rejected me, hm!"_ He sobs.

Kihyun laughs awkwardly.

 _"Are you're sick today?"_ He decides to ask.

"No~ how can I be sick while taking classes, ..."

_"Because I don't see you? Kihyun what are you doing that you can't tell me?"_

"You're there ? Eh here*?" Kihyun hit his own head.

_"I was here since the beginning of this conversation. I wanted to surprise you but I only saw a bunch of dudes and Hoseok."_

Shit.

Hyungwon can sense suspicion through the silence, the pause was too long.

_"Why would Kihyun, the one who was so excited over these classes, not be going now? I thought you went? You even made a first design and one for me. Please don't tell me you cheated and used a template."_

"Hoseok helped me make one."

_"Ki, Hoseok follows the same class and You didn't go? It doesn't make sense."_

"Of course I didn't go, at that time we weren't good."

_"Ah yea.. but still, or were you out of money? Nah wait that doesn't make sense either.. I paid."_

"Things just didn't go as I imagined, and it escalated quickly so I thought not going will be the best for me."

_"Oh,.. you can talk to me."_

"I rather not.. it's not fun to talk about."

 _"Did you get scolded by the teacher?"_ Hyungwon giggles. _"You tend to have an attitude sometimes, especially when hungry."_

Kihyun clicked his tongue. "I barely spoke that day, they barely knew me but still people had to ruin shit."

_"Damn, I can tell it's serious."_

"It was! I wish I could have just left in the first hour. I hate them so much! People can't just leave others alone, so fucking problematic. I seriously hate them."

_"Okay,"_

"I'm gonna hang up, Won, I'm getting mad."

 _"Wait, hold on, to be clear, did The Kihyun, get bullied? Like for real? Help me understand this better, cause, heh,"_ Hyungwon found it odd, his friend was never seen as the one to be bullied since he always seems to look like he's able to stand up for himself well if anything.

Words knock on Kihyun's door, wanting to be let out but even they were hesitant. He's not ready to tell the still humorous friend just yet. It's embarrassing, it's personal, it's stupid.

 _"Ok, what happened to my Ki?"_ Hyungwon pushed his humor aside for real but didn't get a respond yet.

_"Ki?"_

"I hate this .."

The tone was familiar to some weeks back, returning emotions. _"Kihyun? Did you get beat up ? Whatever it is, you can talk,"_

"There were just these two guys approaching me, they seemed friendly, I thought I made two new friends when we talked for a while but it wasn't like that."

 _"For real?"_ Hyungwon's jaw dropped. His mind goes back to the days where he indeed notice something odd about him but couldn't figure it out.

"I can barely remember what happened next, I was just hurt everywhere and saw my laptop.." Kihyun stops. "My- ... no I'm gonna stop, I didn't feel like talking about this shit in the first place." His words were filled with anger, sadness. He was feeling too happy just now to have it ruined, it wasn't as relieving as he thought.

_"Why didn't you tell me this earlier? What the heck? I'm so sorry. I really wish I knew."_

The rest of the conversation Kihyun had been quiet, unable to say much while Hyungwon gave him a caring speech. He really needed it. Hoseok's hugs and kisses didn't completely fill the emptiness.

\---

It's packing day!

Kihyun had his bags tucked with clothing at home and ready for the short vacation.

**_Kihyun:_ **

_"I say we eat something small before getting there, so we have room for dinner."_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Good idea."_

_"You finished quickly."_

**_Kihyun:_ **

_"Can't you tell I'm dying to get there?"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"It's been ages since I went on one too, and I'm more than happy to go with you."_   
_"Bby."_

**_Kihyun:_ **

_"Hoseokkie♡."_

_"I'm blushingg"_

It was officially time for a change.

**_Kihyun Pretty doll:_ **

_"I wanna be with you :("_

_"Can't you pack faster?"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"I still need to pack 1 bag but I couldn't finish bc I came to pick you up so you can help me."_

**_Kihyun Pretty Doll:_ **

_":0!"_

_"For real? Yes!~~"_

_"I'll go change"_

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"I'm already here, hurry or I'll leave =)"_

Kihyun, Hoseok's pretty doll jumps up from his seat to grab his belongings.

**_Hoseok:_ **

_"Bring your stuff, you're staying over."_

_"Tomorrow's the day so I thought why not stay. You have to be here anyway for us to go."_

_"I want you here bby."_

Kihyun checked the incoming messages vibrating the phone on the table before preparing to leave. Change in plans.

Moments later...

"I can't waiit. Please let's use the sauna the first day we get there~" Kihyun pleads Hoseok while he packed the last backpack.

"Saunas are for old people."

"That's your opinion. Saunas are good for all ages."

"What can we possibly do in a sauna? Sit and choke on steam?" Hoseok picks out a sweater to fold.

Kihyun then took a pair of socks to hand over. "We can sweat to detox, you can't really sweat well in the winter unless you excersize and all. It opens up your airway as well, free you from your sinuses."

"We can sweat in our room. Problem solved."

Kihyun shook his head. "Now That is boring-" and Hoseok stops to watch him. ".. we're going on a vacation and you want to excersize in the room?" He shook his head again looking down the bed of unpacked stuff, grabbing the toiletry bag to put the half used toothpaste in it.

"Wow you really are innocent."

Kihyun scrunched his nose up in confusion.

"I wasn't talking about that."

It took a second. "Oooh." Kihyun blushed. "Ahh, I don't want to think about it. Let's talk about saunas again." He looks down with a slight head shake, grabbing a couple of more small things to stuff the bag with.

Hoseok pressed his lips together when the other seems to finally notice something. Looking up from the toiletry bag, shaking his bangs out of the way but couldn't stop blushing while Hoseok playfully got embarrassed.

"Okay." Kihyun decides to leave it short and sweet.

"Just in case, something happens."

Kihyun had to giggle at the unnamed topic, biting his bottom lip down.

"What? I'm not afraid to talk about it in person." Hoseok blushes handsomely. "You down?" He wonders, 70% serious.

A warmth overcame the smaller body, making this thick trendy T he has on get less comfortable. Lacking the confidence he imagines having when in situations like these, it always takes him a good 5 minutes. Of course he's down for a little something. Getting thrilled to get there, he might even skip the sauna.

"We'll see." He shoots.

And Hoseok threw his hands up. "I thought- I thought we were over that!" He whines with pouting lips. Kihyun could throw himself right on him.

"We'll see~~" He teases and wiggles his index finger pointing at the other who continued packing with a smile on his face. Kihyun sat in the empty spot on his bed, letting his eyes wander places.

All this talking about that topic asked for a cuddle session, so he leans back to lay down, having an arm tucked behind his head and a leg up the bed while he watches over the hill of his chest. It didn't take long for Hoseok to throw one of his pillows on the tummy so he could concentrate on the last things to pack. Kihyun catched the pillow and hugged onto it like a playing kitten, rolling to his side, purposely getting into a sexy position with a bend knee over the pillow. His T ruffled up the slightest, revealing the band of his underwear under the loose jeans.

There was no way he's gonna get untouched bullying Hoseok like this, but first, after finishing up, Hoseok stood there to look down at the body moving over his bed. Like always, Kihyun has been attractive to him and today just did it for him. He loved every single piece of clothing on this man's body, everything he does was so satisfying to see and complimented his form. The softness and volume of his hair urges him to hug and smooch his kissable cheeks, and the smile on his face has always put one on his own. His heart pounds for him, he's so in love.

"Join me when you're finished, come hug me." Kihyun's voice sounded behind his shoulder, his attention was in a magazine he found on the bed, flipping through it quickly and not all that interested.

"Oh I will." Knee first, he climbs on his bed. On all fours he looks down at the now stretching figure. To go give his Hotseok some attention after and get that cuddle session going.

"I want candy." Kihyun brought his hands up to hold him behind his neck like a monkey bar.

"Tomorrow." He goes down by the pull.

"The one in the fridge, not the one in you bag for tomorrow."

"Oh those worm candies?"

Kihyun nods eyeing the other up close, eyes crossing a little. Hoseok stole a kiss to go hurry himself towards the fridge and coming back with the open bag of sugar coated sour worm candies and one hanging from his mouth, chewing it till the whole thing disappears. "Cutie." he compliments the one in the same position, watching him from above when he got back in bed. "I love you." He confessed hovering the worm candy above the smiling mouth.

"Thank you seokkie." Kihyun took it and hugs onto the lowering body coming down for another kiss. Letting his hands roam on top of the heavy body, from tensed back muscles to a plump ass, playing with his ass cheeks with a smirk. His broader body feels like hugging onto a hard teddy bear. Although hard, it has this softness he feels safe and tame in and he wish to fall asleep in his embrace soon and forever till they grow old. He's perfect to him and thinking about that always washes him with pure joy.

Hoseok moves the hands back up onto his lower back and went to grab the last candy to bring to the other's mouth. Kihyun opens up but was left tongue out when the candy jumps back up. Doing it once more until the other complained with a pout to finally get his candy to eat.

"Don't choke okay?"

Kihyun chuckles smacking the candy cutely.

The way Hoseok looks down at him makes him squeel internally. Indeed he has love written all over his face, with curiosity and lust on the side, making the naughty hand go from bed to tummy. Kihyun held onto it first when it tickled but then let it wander freely having his heart pump a pace faster and heavier than it already was. It moves in a way so it won't tickle too much and have his body heat up in a way Hoseok is eager to see.

5 minutes passed.

The boy lays there quietly, licking his still sweetened lips clean noticing the change in his body and mind. The hand moves wisely over his semi ripped front, like a massage, a very dangerous one.

"I could do this all day." Hoseok's voice was low and soothing, merging in, not distracting.

From near his slim neck over the hill of his chest passing the poking nipple by and down to his abdomen, slipping fingertips under the band of his underwear enough to reach a stubble, enough that haven't made Kihyun stop him just yet, but it sure caused a reaction. Hoseok's in for a treat.

"Continue?"

"Yeah." Kihyun answers almost right away, like he was waiting for it. With his chest rising and falling, eyebrows pulling together when the hand drove over a nipple and in a blink of an eye slipping under the shirt. Kihyun shifts under his touch, he gave in, his skin pulls when goosebumps grow, beaming off heat. Now there were no more shy smiles visiting once in a while, no holding onto wandering hands when they roamed too quickly, no hiding of anything. 89% serious.

Hoseok stops touching his chest to hold onto this doll's jaw for a hot make-out session, letting their tongues meet right away. Hand slipping down to his neck to hold, firm enough to feel good. Through the kiss, he pulls the shirt up and moved away to kiss his body instead.

Chances are they might even skip the vacation.

For the first time Kihyun hears Hoseok let out a low grunt and hiss, arousing him even more while his left nipple got the much needed attention. Sucked to grow goosebumps all over his entire body and pulled to harden and send electricity through every nerve. Hoseok switched over to the right and did the exact same thing, picking up what the body likes the most. Squeezing the loose skin of his chest that made Kihyun let out softened moan and increasing pleasure; he's digging the roughness.

Hoseok's hand print remains for a moment as he let go to move his head up and look down the man's poking crotch, cupping his semi-hard on through the jeans. Although Kihyun was turned on, he wasn't fond of the idea to get naked. It happened unexpectedly and he didn't prepare himself well.

'Well'.

But enough to fuck, if anything.

He hums lowly holding onto Hoseok's hand to let him know he's not allowed to enter, just yet.

Hoseok understood but didn't stop his movements. Snuggling onto him and slips his arm under his waist to pull him closer, hugging him from behind like the big spoon he was. No gap between them. Both hands going up and down his torso and tummy.

Groaning lowly. "I love you so much~" he spoke cutely, rubbing his button nose behind his ear, his hair tickles his face and placing kisses on his neck. "Oh God. I could eat you whole." He almost shivers, his hard-on right in the dip of his butt cheeks, the closer the better. His hands couldn't behave themselves so they wander down the doll's legs and hips, playing with the button of his jeans while another hand joins but only to hold onto firmly. Whining his name in disagreement but not more than arousal, nearly accepting. Hoseok did a mix of rubbing, tugging and teasing till naughty hand here still manages to enter the warmth to meet the firmness, stroking his length firmly over the fabric as if it's his own. He gulps down his over producing saliva at the urge to feel his hardness in his mouth and taste him some time, and the way Kihyun's body react couldn't turn him on even more. The way he shifts under his touch, breathed, how he licked his drying lips, the way he looks down at the tugging hand, knowing he's fucked.

Kihyun could hold in his weaker moans but it was impossible to stay silent when the right spots were rubbed effectively.

"Let me take this off," Hoseok didn't need a reply and managed to push the although loose, yet stubborn jeans down so the other could lift a leg to free it from the leg hole. Hoseok didn't let this opportunity pass him by and cups his crotch from behind when his leg was still up, getting a nice reaction out of the other and massaging him between his clamped legs until Kihyun moves his hip back to where they originally were, and relaxed his legs to open.

Kihyun couldn't contain himself, his worries disappear in a second and grabs a fist of sheets at the sensation. The naughty hand teased certain places. So close, close enough to that other area that usually doesn't get neglected like this.

"I- wait wait," Kihyun stops the skillful hand before he'll lose the ability to take full control. "I n-nearly came. I'm gonna make a mess." His voice came out soft and uncontrollably. Reminded Hoseok of her tone of voice, it was a nice addition.

Hoseok scans his bed quickly knowing he'll find something. Eyes landing on the empty bag of candy worms, stretching his arm out to bring it closer and placed it in a way to catch his 'mess'. Kihyun had lowered his leg for the other to replace his hand onto his throbbing length. Letting the thumb go over the head, gliding his hand effectively to get back to having Kihyun in his state who jumped up onto his elbow for a better view.

Hoseok licks his deep pink lips to moisten them, with a low moan when the movement caused friction against his own. Clamping the smaller body against him with his arms, bringing him down with him, having him close was as satisfying as tucking himself under a heated cover when feeling freezing cold. Kihyun has been pushing his butt behind and held onto the busy hand then to Hoseok's hip. Moments back he's been struggling with this urge within him so he finally calls for him. His name coming out inaudible.

"Hm?" Hoseok knows he wanted to say something important.

"I want it," he admits at the peak of his state. "I want to feel you,"

"You want it?"

Kihyun shook his head short but quick. "Now, please, put it in." He sounds desperate, causing Hoseok's skin to pull. He removes his hand from the leaking dick he had exposed from behind the fabric to lower that and free his butt cheeks. Sucking his two fingers and roughly spitting saliva onto them while the other continues freeing his leg. Just by being naked and exposed like this he could almost cum, of course only if he gets fucked by this Hoseok, nice and _hard_. He doesn't like the idea of being this horny and cumming barely touched, it wouldn't be as satisfying.

The string of saliva detached when Hoseok removes it from his lips to bring them between those butt cheeks. Coating around his entrance catching his voice again and pushing both in through the tightened but slippery rim. The doll stiffened the few seconds thinking his asshole would be treated carefully but that wasn't the case and grips the other's hip at the roughness. Eyes closing tightly and trembling only the first few thrusts of his lengthy fingers causing heat and a lot of friction. Getting verbal at the overwhelming skin pulling pleasure washing over his entire body, bringing his hands up in the others hair, getting a few wet kisses placed on his neck that tickled just right.

"You liked that, didn't you?" Hoseok's breath tickled his ear, eyebrows knotting inhaling sharply, Hoseok finger-fucks him faster causing more pain but the abuse felt too good. By itself his abdomen tickle from the inside and his skin heated up more, sweating.

Hoseok tenses when his dick got stimulated more by the sudden grope, his length being found easily because it was so hard. The other couldn't even tell him how badly he wanted to feel him, he didn't want to lose this feeling. All he could was moan. One louder one, his entrance having the mind of his own, pulsating around the moving fingers going in deep, moving in long thrusts. "Ah, anh! Oh fuck," Clenching his jaw, shaking, forgetting to let go of the sheets.

Hoseok wished his cock was in that ass, Kihyun seems like someone that can take one very well. The boy's hips moved with the fingers, unable to loosen himself now even if he wanted to. The roughness was so effective he forgot to let go of the dick in his grip as well. Hoseok's eyebrows pull, the boy turned him on so much he feels the knot in his abdomen tighten, letting out two breathy high pitched moans, hissing at the tension building up in his groin till his body twitched as he couldn't control himself and came in his pants. Kihyun had ejaculated some time right before him, carefully helping pull out the dried up fingers with an uncomfortable expression from his still pulsating yet painful hole.

\---

It's vacation time >:)

And the two naughty love-birds were eating ice-cream at the location.

"This is a bad idea," Kihyun forces another bite of ice-cream in his freezing mouth.

"I told you, although I have no problem eating this." Hoseok could still enjoy the taste of their bought dessert, thankfully they agreed on just 1 big one to share.

"Still halfway to go bebe, then we're done."

"But I'm turning into an ice cube." he shivers at the end of his sentence, letting go of the spoon to rub his hands together. "Who even eats this in the winter."

"We do," Hoseok chuckles while he took another bite, clearly feeling cold, and looking cute while he's at it. "One last bite and we'll just leave it okay?"

Kihyun pouts, bottom lip hanging over the turtleneck he had pulled up. Hoseok admires him like it's the first time meeting him, feeling butterflies in his stomach at how precious this boy looks. The soft brightness of the white cold complimenting him as a whole, perfectly.

"I brought something with me, I'd like you to wear it when we go back to our room."

"Will it keep me warm?"

Hoseok giggles at the way he asked. "That was cute," He paused. "and warm. It will keep you warm."

"I wanna know before we go back."

"Ah don't ruin it."

"I'm not.." Kihyun tucks his cold hands between his thighs.

"Can you eat the last bite so we can go? I don't wanna be here right now." Hoseok hinted.

"I already did, you were looking."

"I didn't see it?" Hoseok lifts his eyebrows glancing down at the ice-cream back up at the human ice-cube. The two got into a playful discussion in a moment of forgetting how cold they were.

"Under one condition, we visit the sauna first."

Hoseok jumps his shoulder up in annoyance looking away, adjusting himself in his seat, and looks back to the sneaky Kihyun pressing his lips together, finding him funny. "It's boring!"

Kihyun lands his tiny fist onto the table. "It is not!"

"What can we doo??"

"Aish, Hoseook~" Kihyun whines exaggerated. "It's fun, and healthy. Only 30 minutes." He paused watching the desgusted look on the other's face. "I'll, ..I'll suck your dick after-" he quickly covers himself in embarrassment.

"Suck it before, and we'll see." Hoseok snorts.

"Hoseokkie please, can we go?" He reveals himself from the turtleneck, shaking his bangs aside.

Moments later.

In bathrobes they sat next to each other in the private wooden sauna, steam surrounding them in silence.

15 minutes of silence.

"Are you having fun?" Hoseok asks dryly, finally moving since he sat down.

"Yes." Kihyun said like it was obvious, smiling happily.

Hoseok inhales to exhale. Leaning his head back to the wooden wall with closed eyes and stretched both legs out.

The heat had relaxed his body up for sure, removing the stiffness and needle-like pains in his neck and back area like a miracle. He can't lie, he's glad he went. It was more than relaxing, almost feeling the need to just lay down and fall asleep on the warm bench.

"I'm gonna go take a swim." Hoseok got up walking barefoot towards the heated pool. The sauna/steam room had no doors, only 1 which was the exit/entrance. So he goes by the opening into the other area where Kihyun can still see him in his field of view, savoring the moment.

Hoseok strips down into short shorts to step into the pool till the water measures his chest. His naked body brings back a recollection that made Kihyun sense a trace of desire. He gave his perfect statue a few more minutes alone-time before joining him; he couldn't wait any longer, it's tugging at his invisable sleeve. His imagenations go wild and it had an effect on his body. He walks over going naked at his steps and carefully got in where Hoseok meets him, catching the smaller figure coming together perfectly like a puzzle piece, swiftly, their lips meet as if they thought alike.

The water flows and ripples under their movements, lips stick under their kisses, tickling their ears because of the silence, and the door was locked for privacy. All this combined couldn't bring more satisfaction.

Unless..

"I don't want to do it here," Kihyun felt the hands go south.

"Me neither, but you know you're irresistable right?"

Kihyun bit his lip. "Stop touching me before I end up asking for stuff."

"Like not long ago," Hoseok smirks removing his hands from under his shorts but left them as close. Studying this fine art, glistering inviting lips and captivating eyes.

"Are we ready to go?" Kihyun got a little shy, he's beginning to feel some type of way with this added heat. And Hoseok is adding even more to it by blowing hot air from his nose while leaving kisses on his neck.

"You liked what I did yesterday? I'll do anything to make you feel like that again."

Kihyun chuckles lightly. "I was so horny then," his voice went soft.

"I know, you looked really good." Hoseok feels Kihyun's hands make it's way to his torso, he hasn't had the proper chance to explore this long and take his time with it. "I've been dreaming about it a lot the past days, I want to make love to you, you make me feel whole, I honestly wish I could've accepted you sooner."

"It's okay, baby." Kihyun could shiver at his voice, it's good that the conversation stayed short because he was on the edge. His feelings were relatable.

The sauna had been fun but leaving was even more fun. They're all dried up now and cleaned off and arrived at their hotel room door to enter.

"You've gone quiet again, nervous?" Hoseok notices.

"Nah," Kihyun lied a little.

"Don't worry we've got a whole day to prepare."

Kihyun giggles bringing himself down in the bed, yawning at the tirednes visiting him now that his whole body went flat.

"Alright, I've gone to your Amen, it's now your turn." Hoseok went searching in his backpack.

"Damn it, thought you'd forget." He hit the bed.

They kept their eye-contact when Hoseok found it and had it hidden behind his back, lifting a knee to get onto the bed where Kihyun turns on his side, head in palm. Hoseok sat on his ankles breaking the contact, looking like he doesn't know where to start.

"We haven't really talked much about it ever since it happened, and I don't know what your thoughts are bringing it back up." Hoseok met his attentive eyes, listening. "I hope you don't misunderstand, it's nothing too serious, trust me," Hoseok overcame his nervousness, corner of his lips pulling up in a short smirk.

Kihyun brought himself up as if that'll help him understand him better and sat legs crossed infront of him. Half nervous half impatient.

"I wanted to see her," Hoseok spoke finally. Undeniable, his heart races.

Kihyun could only understand one thing; he needed to dress up as a woman again. He tilts his head trying to figure out if he likes the idea or not but this moment wasn't about him, it was about Hoseok. If he needed to dress up for him, then he will.

"I'll do anything to make you happy." Kihyun said, he meant it.

Hoseok then reveals the dark brown wig.

"Oh wow, you really brought a wig with you." Kihyun sunk a little.

"What did you expect?"

"Clothes!"

"Kihyuna has long hair." Hoseok pouts a little.

Kihyun quietly took the wig from him. It looked almost the same as the original, surpringly good quality as well. "Did you buy this?"

"It was cheap,"

"Doesn't look like it."

"Are you gonna wear it or not?"

Kihyun shook his head looking down with a small smile. Hoseok then watches him like a movie, watching him tilt his head back to brush his hair for it to stay back and sways the wig behind to fix it comfortably on his head, tucking his own bangs in to hide them and fixing any flying locks.

"Hold on," he stood up from the bed to go in front of the big mirror to have a better look. Meanwhile Hoseok went to look for a couple more things to hand over, stopping Kihyun in his turn when he finished, looking down at the pile of various colored and textured clothing.

Kihyun blinks up. "Th... that's a lot."

"Just this once, I know it might be out of your comfort zone, but can you please?" Hoseok pleads looking at her beauty beginning to reveal. "We're having fun.. that's all."

Kihyun stretched a smile, letting out a long sigh. "Fiine..~" he took the pile of clothing and went to the bathroom since he had to go fully naked. He wanted to give him a full surprise too or else he would've just changed right in front of him. The clothes he gave were simple and feminine, a cute but sexy cantaloupe color button-up shirt to tuck into the short flowy skirt. No shoes needed, just thin pretty socks to keep her feet warm. However, what laid underneath those innocent looking clothing, was something else.

Hoseok's heart jolted from where he was seated by the turn of the door knob, nervous to see her, sitting up straight and fixing any crinkles in his clothes. Her head popped out first before her body did, making him smile in excitement.

He could fall all over again.

"Kihyuna.." It was a wonderful feeling to see her, she looks as pretty or even prettier than before. Her smile was as cute, as bright. Her, covering her blushing face made him want to compliment her, tell her that no matter what, she will always look as mesmerizing, to add confidence in her soul and bring out the best of her.

"Yes, Hoseok?" she spoke softly, browsing the floor. Stepping closer to the seated man who had gone up, passing her height a tad bit. The look in his eyes were different but still loving. His hand goes up but it stopped midway. "I'm almost afraid to touch you."

"You can, whenever you like." Kihyuna kept her voice.

Hoseok is grateful for that, continueing to lift his hovering hand over her sleeved arm. Gliding over the pretty fabric on Kihyuna's skin, her actual skin, he breathed out a small laugh. Passing her shoulder to meet her eyes that waited for him. He knows she missed him as well.

He twirls one of the locks of brown hair closest to her frame, remembering the urge to kiss her irresitable lips back then, remembering those heartwarming moments of innocent flirting when things were still so new. The tension was overwhelming so their first kiss was unforgettable.

"Aren't you going to kiss me?" Kihyuna wonders. The closeness said to do so, the energy was felt like fighting magnets sensing that connection. Hoseok held her cheek like last time, when not wanting to stop just yet, but this time she accepted his lips.

Kihyuna notice the difference in his kiss, it was so slow but deep and meaningful, like Hoseok gave her the very last hidden bits of him to her. He grips her by the waist and up at the elastic band of her bra, fingertips at the end of her locks, just another reminder of how real all this became. The atmosphere changes, temperature rose by every stroke and caress of his roaming hands.

Kihyuna could almost forget her real self.

Hoseok pulls away from her sweet lips, detaching the string of saliva caused by the heated kiss. He brings her hair back to reveal her chest. Like before, she had always been on the flat side yet always so tempting, but never this exposed. He undid two buttons that reveals part of her navy blue bra, bringing a sexy imagination to life.

He made the room a little more fitting by closing the curtains, and by the decrease of brightness he brought his excited self closer towards the pretty princess waiting for her handsome prince come safe her from her needs eating her up from the inside out. "You like the idea of having me like this?" She asks.

"If you don't mind," Hoseok answers.

"I can live with it." she shrugs her shoulders. "It kinda turns me on." and added, words pulling onto the other's skin.

"I couldn't be more happy." Hoseok spoke seductively, by her waist he brings her to sit on the bed, leaning back on her elbows as her eyes travel from north down to south. Remembering to close her legs enough so her panty won't be revealed too early. Hoseok didn't really give a damn about it being too early and aimed for her exposed legs, going under her skirt a little to play with the inside of her thigh. The visual made him want to rip her clothes off.

She reaches out to stop him, seductively lifting her knee and with her socked feet she climbs over his thigh with one long stroke up to his bulge. Eyeing him, catching him tilting his head to look under her skirt. She falls down flat biting her lip to unbutton the rest of the shirt to a sexy revealing bra. Rising her chest trying to pull it away and pull her arms out, throwing it aside to stay in the skirt for now.

"You're driving me crazy, are you doing it unporpose?"

"Yeah, wining you up." Kihyuna smirks playfully coming up to slip herself down on her knees, flipping her bangs aside looking as sexy as ever, finally to reveal himself, remembering how big he felt in her palm the day before. Her body has been losing patience since so she was very happy to see it pointing right in her face. Hoseok savors this moment as if it will be the last till his tip disappears behind her pouty lips. Her eyes were closed shut, clearly into it like she was making out with it so he didn't want it to stop. Her tongue appears at the side of his tip still in her mouth making him weak in the knees. Chest glowing red under his shirt as well as his ears and his heart almost hurt at how hard it pounded.

He hums grasping at the back of her head, hair swaying forward to come tickle part of his exposed thighs. He found strength to stop her and bring her up pushing her body down the bed. Ready to pleasure her now. With a hand-full he pulls her bra down, attacking her nipples first that made her hiss softly and hold on to his head. It felt like a long time ago, her first time.

Hoseok went all the way with her, sucking onto them like he was thirsty for something and pulling onto them that made her dig her head into the bed with her chin up. She didn't think to feel as aroused, looks like she still had some left overs from yesterday.

Hoseok growls lowly at this electricity almost killing him instantly, giving her chest one last suck to let the wet and red area grow cold and went to turn her around. Her ass was out by now because her skirt moved up, revealing the navy blue see-through panties. Semi-thong, nice and stuck in between.

"I missed these," He lands his veiny hand down and grasps the soft and plump cheeks, opening her up by the squeeze. Her body feels hot to the touch, he can feel the energy and hear it in her soft moans of surprise at each rough handling.

"When, Hoseok? When?" Kihyuna began losing patience.

"Ah you've been holding it in haven't you?"

Kihyuna pleads, getting what she wanted right after when her panties got pulled down and waiting till she feels a warmth and wetness. Her jaw drops in satisfaction, shuddering with a moan following up of her asshole getting firmly licked over and over, tongue-fucked even. "Ahh, fuck you." Kihyuna groans out, hating how good he made her feel, hating how much he loved eating her ass out as well.

Hoseok stops with a smile, rubbing his wet chin dry with his knuckle and reaching out for his bag to prepare himself for the best. Tearing the square pack and clicking the bottle open to have it squirt the clear liquid onto his veiny skin, seen through the rubber.

With ease, Kihyuna took his length in whole, although with a couple of squeeks and sharp breaths when he began moving but not completely.

He lowers his heavier body down her smaller form. "I know you can take it, bebe." he moves his hips some more, stimulating his dick in the tighness of her walls. Little by little going faster. Kihyuna has never felt this full in her life, it was so overwhelming she couldn't properly breath and his weight right onto her isn't helping. But her sensetive hole got abused just the right amount for it to be acceptable, helping her race towards pleasure. It was fast, attacking both like an upcoming train and losing themselves more and more.

"Holy shit you feel amazing." Hoseok moans out after hers. "F-Fuck.." he changes depth and feels himself go places after Kihyuna's train of repeated cries. Her eyes roll back for a moment till her soul jumps back in her body, grabbing onto the moving hip behind her slapping against her skin. Opening her legs to push her butt out more, no more pain was present and her ass begged to be pounded, so she begged for it. Getting it the way she imagined it and couldn't hold it in any longer, crying out his name till he came thrusting in hard that made her cum by the added friction of the bed. Exhaustion taking over while they pant away. Her in the bed while he in her ear, hugging the back of her head with his face. Her aroma was so addicting.

"Fuck that was so good," Kihyuna breathes out, "I will never forget that." she adds and he couldn't agree more.

This moment for sure will be never forgotten.

Hoseok pulls away, already missing it so he stays close. Watching her turn and loving her equally, finding her so beautiful so he told her that.

Kihyuna covers her face with the crook of her arm. Her view turning pitch black. It didn't go the way she imagined it but she couldn't be mad about it. She felt amazing and what made her feel even better was furfilling Hoseok's wish. To her it was a fairly small favor, not knowing how big it _truly_ was to him. She feels him stop caressing her moments ago, the bed move under his movements. She removes her arm to a blurry silluete sitting on the edge of the bed, head fallen forwards and looking back watching her pull the thin navy strap of her panties back up to her hip and lower her skirt.

"Is there something wrong?" Kihyuna asks sounding a bit worried. He didn't look like the Hoseok from before, like they went back in time. She gently flips her hair back onto her exposed shoulder to pat his broad back while he kept looking at her. She's so caring towards him, her eyebrows arch up in concern when her Hoseok was so quiet, his expression reads broken.

"No." He finally spoke but the forced smile and glistening eyes gave it away, it was short and unable to keep up, looking back forward a second to late, she already saw the teardrop.

Like a filter coming across, Hoseok might have regretted his desision, he stood up to avoid her stare and went to get dressed. Her eyes followed him in sadness. "This was a bad idea," she realized and it couldn't break her heart more knowing what she agreed with. "I should have said no." If only she knew it'll sadden him like this. She stood up hastily to look for a shirt to wear. She needed to get changed.

"It's fine," Hoseok said quickly. "I'm okay."

"You're not fine, look at you." Kihyuna blinks her tears away, seeing his red eyes and dewy cheeks from his own tears. She reaches for her hair, having Hoseok come running. "W-wait," he stops her, lowering her arm, holding onto her wrist. She eyed him closely, it was concerning.

"You _want_ to be okay, you're not." her tone sounded heavy on his pounding chest, seeming upset and impatient.

"I don't know till when again." He admits with tears in his eyes. "Wait, please." he grips her wrists holding them down as if she'll yank them away to remove her hair in under a second. She did, partly. His behavior angered her even, is she getting jealous or does she has the right to feel this way?

With difficulties she yanked her arms away, accidentally getting scratched. She wants to understand his pain but it was only going in the wrong direction. "Am I not good enough for you?" It pains her thinking she's not, it was clearly so, and plus, at the amount of suffering she truly planted in him. She walks off looking for a t-shirt to cover her body up, removing the skirt to wear the nearest pants. Deep down she was too scared to look for another underwear to change into.

Two steps closer to being her real self.

"I'm sorry," Her own words of the past drifts to the surface, guilt washing over her, she didn't think to feel like this again but here they were holding their fractured flower pot together when dirt crumbled out bit by bit, pieces of the pot starting to fall.

"Of course you're good enough." Hoseok triggered her.

"Stop lying to yourself, just be honest with me, you can be."

"I have been honest with you, but look what it caused."

"Because you're in denial, you were never honest in the first place!"

"Don't say that," he pointed. "Because everything I said and did was true." Anger building up.

"For you to see her again."

"That's not it."

"It was, I am Not stupid."

"Don't say that!"

Hoseok then saw her hand go up again; enough with the bullshit. "Ki.." But he held onto it, going quiet and taming his anger. "Bebe," he paused, speaking more calmly to calm her as well. "..you don't understand." he needed her to get what she's doing to him, how badly it hurt although it might seem so small and silly. It was more than frustrating. In his head, he knows after this she will _never_ return. All of her realness will vanish forever, dragging their moments with it, not talked about. Hated. Why was all of this so hard for him? Where did it go wrong? What did he see? Feel? Whatever it was, it captured him like a spell. He really should have faked a better smile for perhaps a second chance to get to see her. But it was too late, he blew it. All of it.

She then pushed his painfull grip from her. "What's wrong with you?" and removes the wig, throwing it to the floor. Right after, he might have regretted that. Fear slowly creeping in while rubbing his wrist.

"Why did you do that?!" Hoseok almost yelled, eyes bulging out. "All I asked for was a little sympathy, and you do this?!"

His sharp voice cut right through Kihyun's pounding heart. There isn't much time but in that moment he wonders what went wrong for it go reach this limit, barely remembering the love they shared. Stepping away with that alarming instinct when Hoseok spoke to him in such manner.

"You're not going anywhere," Hoseok feared Kihyun's leave, "You don't have to," They can't end the conversation like this. Who knows what Kihyun will do, where he will go, with who he'll talk. He doesn't want to be talked about, he's not a bad person, he's just.. really, mad right now. He held his arms up to block his path. Like magnets, pulling towards the still leaving body.

"I'm not going anywhere, just don't touch me, okay?" he said, hinting a warning. Never did he ever think to use these words on him again, but the energy was off; he was frightened.

_Don't touch me._

Like a slap in the face, it hit Hoseok. It felt so out of place.

"Are you hearing yourself?" Hoseok asks clearly upset about it. Hands, still held him, he didn't think he could feel more anger towards this doll he once loved so deeply. Like another filter, his visioned darked, plucking away the reasons why he loved him in the first place. "Out of all the people, I thought you were the one who'd understand me the most."

"I do understand but some things are going too far!"

"You don't!" Hoseok interrupts him. "You didn't understand shit, you wouldn't have done that," he tightened his grip while his other hand points at the wig on the floor.

"Let go, you don't have to hold on."

"You might think it's a stupid wig but I see her, it's still her, not.. literally but, I feel it." his eyes collected tears, reminding the other of what a horrible person he was. "Seeing you treat it as if it has no meaning hurts me more than you could possibly imagine." Hoseok barely blinked, seeing those dark brown locks in his mind flashed moments of her smiling widely, her dimples always caused this soft feeling inside of him, wanting to squeeze her in his embrace, her voice makes his heart tingle and bloom. Seeing those locks in his mind being thrown to the floor felt like having months of hard work be destroyed and thrown in the fire and turn into ash. Impossible to undo the damage.

"What happened to you?" Kihyun was more than confused, he feels betrayed in a way, he should have known that all this was too good to be true. He cannot believe this is happening, he wants to wake up from this nightmare but he's afraid it isn't one, it feels too real although his surroundings were vague. The depth of this sinkhole Hoseok was in was so deep it was seen in his eyes, written in letters like a book, he's not okay.

Mouth shut, Kihyun freed his hands from the other. Talking will only make things worse, he gets it now. He needs to be smart but even mouth shut Hoseok isn't letting him take just 1 step away.

"Kihyun, don't leave."

"I won't, can you just let me go?" Kihyun looks back, he couldn't stay silent for too long, he was scared for this person not knowing how scared he too really was. Hoseok believes he now lost Kihyun as well, it was so obvious in his body language, his expression, the fear and worry. "I shouldn't have yelled at you, I didn't mean to." he tries to calm the other. "I won't do it again okay?" he held him close, holding him from behind.

"Hoseok," he calls in concern.

"I'll never mention her again, so this won't happen ever again." he had his arm wrapped around the others chest and neck area, hugging him close. Kihyun doesn't know what to believe and it couldn't be more frustrating, tension building up within. His hands were shaking, holding onto the arm around him.

"Just don't leave me, I need you. I'm so embarrassed, I'm so sorry." Hoseok's chest was felt rising and falling steadily like he was trying to control his breathing. His hands were trembling as well, his tone of voice was unable to really pick up. "We won't hear from her again,"

"It's okay Hoseok.." he pats the arm around his neck.

"I'll make sure of it," Hoseok tightens his hug.

Kihyun clears his vision with a sniff following up, heart beginning to race.

"There's only one way."

There was nothing sincerly soothing with his voice because the tight hug was never to let him know how much he wants him.

Kihyun let out a sob. "Can you please let go now," he had a bad feeling.

"Hoseok?"

So bad.

"What are you doing!?" Kihyun panics when the grip around his neck only tightened. This couldn't be real, this has to be a nightmare, a sick joke that was taken too far. Why would he even joke in this situation? Kihyun needed to free himself so he pulls his body down to get out of the choke-hold.

"HHosok!?" He tries calling when it seems impossible, to breathe as well when his throat felt plugged shut.

It wasn't a sick joke, it was a sick reality.

His airway was shut completely and blood failed to travel to his brain, feeling himself go light headed. He scratched those arms that once embraced him with love as if he had hated them since the beginning, wanting to hurt him so bad to stay alive, so he fought with all his might, kicking once more. Again, and again till he finally manages to slip his head out and fall to the ground gasping and hurrying himself towards the hotel room door with a dizzy mind. The room has been getting darker and darker so when he opens the door he was hit by a beam of light blinding him like he entered another world where there was no shape, no sha _dows, no sound..._

_..?_

_....?_

"Hello? You there?" Hyungwon calls him for the hundreds of times. "Are you even listening?"

"Huh?" Kihyun blinks himself back to where they left off, looking up from the picture in Hyungwon's open business folder to his surroundings; Milae Cafe.

"Back to you." Hyungwon reminds him and continues. "We only need your clothing and shoe size, we've already got an expensive wig ready. Oh and look, we did some editting to see how you might look since I haven't really seen you with a wig." He shows a couple of photos. Hyungwon wasn't playing around. "I'll even hire someone who can teach you to do some basics, you know uh, how to walk, sit, move more feminine, oh even talk."

Kihyun chuckles faintly, he grew quiet when his _daydream_ felt strangely real. There's this weird sadness lingering in his heart still. He looks down at his picture, flipping back pages to see that Hoseok boy again.

"He sure is handsome.." Kihyun stares at his features.

"So, are you down?" Hyungwon eyed him, waiting patiently.

"Yes." He answers.

Because this time, he'll do it the right way.

"Awesome!" Hyungwon cheers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**_The end~_ **

_**Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed!** _

_**Give this story some love if you liked it, feel free to comment, and make sure to share it.** _


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